Is this friend just not a friend?

Ah, I didn't see the mutual friends bit
.. that makes things a bit trickier... But, with this type of person, you need to be clear!

I went though something like this with a friend and as harsh as it sounds, I ended up messaging her and saying, sorry, we can't be friends. You make me feel rubbish, your snide comments are too much for me and it's time to part ways.
Something to that fashion... She just replied basically saying suit yourself, bye... I blocked and unfriended and I've never looked back!
It needed to be cut and dry....

The "Taking a break from your phone" excuse and leaving it longer and longer to reply, with brief boring, noncommittal answers usually works.

I’m having the same problem at the moment.

The issue is it’s easy enough to dodge meeting up, but how do you diplomatically end all communication?

I know she will message me soon to say “How are you going?”. It seems a bit dramatic to ghost her, but I have no desire to let her know about my life.

We also have a lot of mutual friends and I know it’s not going to go down well if I ghost her as they won’t get it.

She is using you to help her look after these kids. She doesn't give a shit if they break stuff in your house because it isn't (a) her house or (b) the house of the kids that she is minding, so their parents would be getting pissed off by the breakages.

Dump her!

It sounds like you need to learn the difference between knowing someone, having thngs in common with someone and a friend!

You don't have to be friends with everyone you meet/get talking to/have things in common with any more than you need to enter into a romantic relationship with someone who ticks your boxes.

If you don't enjoy someone's company or like how they behave or what they say, don't spend time with them. It's that simple.

@ohthejoys21 you'd be better to say "you look amazing", rather than commenting directly on weight. Weight is such a sensitive topic for many people

She’s jealous of you. Ditch her!

Never have her in your home again. If you have things in common or kids get on etc then meet in park or somewhere in short doses where you can get away easily. If that doesn't work then ditch her, you don't need people making you feel bad

She sounds like a nasty piece of work.

She doesn't sound like a friend or a nice person in general.

The older I get the more I sixth friendships like this. I have such a complicated family, I don't have time for complicated friendships. I would slowly back off

Reading most (if not all) of these posts it is clear that this person is not a friend to you, so in reality you didn't need to ask. A friend is someone who is supportive and caring, not undermining and can't help but make snide remarks which are neither helpful nor constructive.

The only thing I can say in defence is that I had a friend from school and we used to have a way of speaking together, that whilst to the casual observer might sound nasty, was actually just mucking around. I might have said "hey, you're looking mighty average tonight" when we were dressed up for a night out and she would reply with a cutting remark but it was just nonsense. This was a two way thing but unless you are both in on it, it can sound nasty. We had known each other since we were 5 or 6 so it was a relaxed relationship.

Perhaps this "friend" has had a similar friendship with someone else in the past and thinks it is okay to carry on like this with you. Clearly not, as it has upset you, and she should have been aware of this from the outset. Sadly some people are just so wrapped up in themselves they can't see the damage they can do to others.

As you have only known her for a relatively short time you would be better off ditching her and finding a true friend with the same values as you.

Don't invite her round and if she turns up unannounced tell her you're just on your way out. You don't sound like someone who likes conflict so being blunt and telling her you don't want to see her any more is probably a no no, but after a while she will get the message, also block her number on your phone.

Life is too short to put up with people who only drag you down just to make themselves feel better.

Hmmm....exactly, you don't know. You don't know her or what she was like. I only gave one instance of the terrible things she did and said. It was several years of gaslighting, bullying and nastiness towards me and my children. I also can't believe you would ever think it is ok to slag off the bride's appearance in her wedding photos or, for that matter, make unsolicited comments about a person's weight, especially when they are embarrassed about it. Her assessment of my appearance was not requested and she should have kept those thoughts to herself.
For future reference, I follow this rule and it may be helpful to you: do not offer your opinion about a person's appearance unless they are able to change the aspect you are commenting on within 5 minutes.

This first post nails it. Not a friend. Doesn't even sound like a likeable person.

I’ve had similar. Now I realise why she doesn’t have many friends, if any…

She seems to enjoy my (small) misfortune's a tad too much. jealousy gets you nowhere, what is the point?! I will be distancing myself from her.

always wants an instant reply from me, but leaves me unread for days!

She’s not even a friend, she’s a rude imposing acquaintance.

Ditch the bitch.

”shall we clean up?”
Give her the mop and say “off you go, l’ll watch and learn from your expertise.”

Cut all ties, it won't get any better!
I had a friend like this... Every time I came away from spending time with her, I'd feel a bit shit. It was always hard to put my finger on why or pull her up on anything because it was all small passive-agressive digs...
She'd also lie to keep the attention on her, especially if we were in a group...
She had this skill of always lending me something, or me owing her in some way.. eg she'd pay for food, or she'd buy one of my kids a gift... Reasons and excuses to keep the friendship going... In the end I had to actually say, sorry we can't be friends.
Didn't look back!

Are you kidding? This woman is not your friend. Time to exit the relationship pronto!

Get rid of her. I have had so called friends like that and am glad I no longer see them.

Bye crap friend!

Have you been to hers? Maybe you should “pop in” and tell her how shit her decor is…

Be busy when she wants to come round, and phase out the relationship.

Urgh- I once had a friend like this. Horrible woman. I was grateful at the time that she showed an interest in me.
Then I started to notice the little digs, all in the name being helpful. We worked at the same place for a while and when she moved I reduced contact.
occasionally I see her the supermarket and I hide.
last time I bumped into her she told how tired I looked. I told her she was so rude and walked off.

Why do you choose to spend time with someone you, quite understandably, dislike?

You’ve known her less than a year. Can’t be difficult to let go surely