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Did I put my foot in it with colleague

132 replies

Hayfevercandie · 29/05/2024 15:11

I work in a team where we're all kinda fairly young and have a good laugh. There's a guy in the team who's very young, early 20s and he likes to be the clown of the group in a way. People rib him in an endearing way and he's definitely known as the joker of the group.

Anyway he's on leave ATM but has been sending occasional pictures and updates to our work group chat.

I texted him briefly saying, hope you're having an amazing time, stay safe, we miss you!
He replied briefly saying thanks will do, and that's all.

A couple of hours later another guy in the team messaged on our group chat saying to him 'Are you still alive?"

He didn't reply for a bit and I put in a jokey way "Yeah I can confirm I heard from him earlier and all's good".

About 20 minutes later I got a private message from him telling me not to do that again, and that he will do it in his own time. He said it was not my place and then a few other things I just skimmed over as I deleted the message out of embarrassment.

I apologised and said I totally understand. I know from a mental health point of view there's more than meets the eye and he can occasionally seem quite irritable and withdrawn.

Anyway I've no intention of saying anything else or messaging. Does it sound like I put my foot in it?

OP posts:
Gazelda · 29/05/2024 16:47

I'd mute the chat now. No need to feed the drama.

However, I think you were out of line to talk about this with another colleague. He messaged you privately and you've shared that convo.

If I were your team leader, I'd be encouraging you all to reduce the chat during work hours. I'm all for a friendly team atmosphere, but when it goes wrong (as it has here) it can impact negatively on the job you're supposed to be doing.

Ohnodontwantthiscrush · 29/05/2024 16:46

He's a knob

Hayfevercandie · 29/05/2024 16:45

I'm sure it'll be forgotten in a couple of days :)

He had a go at a different colleague because X colleague joked he's a stats whizz and always exceeds his targets. The guy addressed him publicly telling him we all work at different paces and that he's no right bringing that up.

Probably just felt embarrassed/wanted to be modest understandably however this colleague got a similar 'dressing down!'

OP posts:
KimFan · 29/05/2024 16:43

Drama over nothing. (Him, not you!)

Screamingabdabz · 29/05/2024 16:42

He sounds a prat. I wouldn’t give it any thought. You’ve obviously stepped on his toes in some way but I couldn’t be arsed over analysing him if his sensitivities are triggered that easily.

Hayfevercandie · 29/05/2024 16:42

He's getting on my nerves, he's now sending a ton of messages/jokes on the group chat as we speak. I'm not having any part in it, I'll just focus on others I think.

OP posts:
buma · 29/05/2024 16:42

You definitely didn't do anything wrong.

He's being v sensitive.

purpleme12 · 29/05/2024 16:40

I don't think you made any faux pas.
For some reason he didn't like you doing it, but I don't think this could have been foreseen.

Hayfevercandie · 29/05/2024 16:38

ByCupidStunt · 29/05/2024 15:49

I'm old, admittedly, but I wouldn't message a colleague if they were on annual leave and I definitely wouldn't message someone who gave their number to the group, not me.

He's been messaging us himself from leave on his holiday, and I've had his private number for quite a while. He texted me privately the other day asking for someone else from work's number.

OP posts:
Hayfevercandie · 29/05/2024 16:37

Also I said "we miss you" as opposed to just me.
He kept repeatedly saying before he left that he'd miss us guys but that we'd enjoy the peace and quiet. Anyway lesson learned I've zero intention of messaging him again 🤣

OP posts:
Hayfevercandie · 29/05/2024 16:36

It's not been a couple of hours, he's been away nearly a week but hadn't heard from him in a few days until now.

OP posts:
Hayfevercandie · 29/05/2024 16:35

As I said before he has been regularly messaging the work group chat since he's been away, sending pictures and stuff. As I've written this he's just sent a picture on the chat. Anyway I'll know not to message him again!

OP posts:
Berga · 29/05/2024 15:57

The 'are you still alive?' message to the group was the weirdest of the whole exchange. Who does that after a couple of hours when a colleague is on leave. He might have been sending periodic updates, but after a DM from you, then the 'are you alive?' group message, then you confirming to the group that you had been speaking to him separately but not the group, I think I'd be pretty pissed off whilst on my annual leave too.

PlaySuitHelp · 29/05/2024 15:51

I have mental health issues and would not object to someone answering on my behalf. Very odd.

Bigcat25 · 29/05/2024 15:51

Sounds like he's over reacting a lot but maybe wants some distance from work when he's on break? Maybe he felt a bit smothered when you said "miss you" but I'm over analyzing and it really isn't a big deal.

ByCupidStunt · 29/05/2024 15:49

I'm old, admittedly, but I wouldn't message a colleague if they were on annual leave and I definitely wouldn't message someone who gave their number to the group, not me.

RedHelenB · 29/05/2024 15:46

Hayfevercandie · 29/05/2024 15:21

Yeah I discussed it with another colleague who said the guy's being an idiot

I wouldn't have done that. Gossiping about it will probably get back to him.

Hayfevercandie · 29/05/2024 15:25

I don't do it all the time that was the first time to my knowledge

OP posts:
INeedToClingToSomething · 29/05/2024 15:23

I'd have told him he was completely overreacting rather than apologise.

Hayfevercandie · 29/05/2024 15:22

cstaff · 29/05/2024 15:20

This sounds completely ridiculous - he is over-reacting to a non-issue.

I know he suffers a bit with his mental health so I'll try cut him some slack I suppose

OP posts:
Hayfevercandie · 29/05/2024 15:21

Yeah I discussed it with another colleague who said the guy's being an idiot

OP posts:
GogAndMagog · 29/05/2024 15:21

Agree, no call for that kind of message from him. Not so jokey now is he? Maybe he's got demons and he's taking it out on you.

If you did it all the time then maybe understandable.

He's the one who should be giving his head a wobble.

cstaff · 29/05/2024 15:20

This sounds completely ridiculous - he is over-reacting to a non-issue.

LoisFarquar · 29/05/2024 15:18

I wouldn’t give it any headspace, personally, but then I’d probably have told him to cop himself on rather than apologising.

hangerba · 29/05/2024 15:17

Hayfevercandie · 29/05/2024 15:15

We private messaged before as we used to work together before the others came and we've known each other a while. So they are aware of the fact we're already mates kinda thing, so yeh it could be that. I feel silly but you're right, I'll just leave it now.

@Hayfevercandie youve done nothing wrong x