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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Did I put my foot in it with colleague

132 replies

Hayfevercandie · 29/05/2024 15:11

I work in a team where we're all kinda fairly young and have a good laugh. There's a guy in the team who's very young, early 20s and he likes to be the clown of the group in a way. People rib him in an endearing way and he's definitely known as the joker of the group.

Anyway he's on leave ATM but has been sending occasional pictures and updates to our work group chat.

I texted him briefly saying, hope you're having an amazing time, stay safe, we miss you!
He replied briefly saying thanks will do, and that's all.

A couple of hours later another guy in the team messaged on our group chat saying to him 'Are you still alive?"

He didn't reply for a bit and I put in a jokey way "Yeah I can confirm I heard from him earlier and all's good".

About 20 minutes later I got a private message from him telling me not to do that again, and that he will do it in his own time. He said it was not my place and then a few other things I just skimmed over as I deleted the message out of embarrassment.

I apologised and said I totally understand. I know from a mental health point of view there's more than meets the eye and he can occasionally seem quite irritable and withdrawn.

Anyway I've no intention of saying anything else or messaging. Does it sound like I put my foot in it?

OP posts:

Lifelong · 30/05/2024 06:58

WB205020 · 30/05/2024 06:29

@Hayfevercandie First thing that comes to mind is he is a rude little shit. You have no need to apologise. I’d have responded with something like ‘seriously?! Grow up and don’t speak to me like that again.’

ignore him from now on. If he messages you privately don’t respond.

Should he come near you again OP, you could tell him the above in person.
Better than by text.
He is very rude and has overstepped.

Although probably wiser to just blank him, certainly NEVER respond to ANY message of his, even the group one.

WB205020 · 30/05/2024 06:29

ignore him from now on. If he messages you privately don’t respond.

Original poster

Hayfevercandie · 30/05/2024 06:23

Yes, as I said he'd reached out to me 2 days prior for a mutual colleague's number as he wanted to contact him whilst away

OP posts:

TroysMammy · 30/05/2024 06:06

Bigcat25 · 29/05/2024 15:51

Sounds like he's over reacting a lot but maybe wants some distance from work when he's on break? Maybe he felt a bit smothered when you said "miss you" but I'm over analyzing and it really isn't a big deal.

The OP said that he has been sending occasional photos and updates to the group chat. That's hardly him wanting some distance from work when he's contacting them.

Lifelong · 30/05/2024 06:04

OP, he's a twat and could be nasty.
Be very wary of him. Absolutely no engagement going foward.
Be warned!

bungaloid · 30/05/2024 06:03

Weirdo alert, steer well clear

showerjelly · 30/05/2024 05:54

He sounds like a right pain, honestly I'd have ignored his rant, he's being ridiculous.

utilitarianism · 30/05/2024 03:44

Good grief! What an overreaction on his part! He may have found it mildly irritating that you felt the need to pipe up on his behalf, but it wasn't worth such a dramatic response. I'd keep everything very cool and professional with Mr. Sensitive, from this point forward.

SpringerFall · 30/05/2024 03:36

I would leave it and would not pm any more, but if this was reversed and it was a female being spoken of the replies would be different

Codlingmoths · 30/05/2024 03:26

He’s a knob, you should forget all about it except for the part where you don’t bother with him from now on. Also totally fine to raise it with a colleague- we are all human and he gave you a serve! It seems much less healthy to keep that to yourself. I’d tell a colleague, and have. I’d hate to work somewhere I didn’t feel I could do that.

GogAndMagog · 30/05/2024 03:13

In my head I'm thinking he should mute his WORK chat and get a life.

WhiskersPete · 29/05/2024 22:15

I think it sounds like you wanted the group to know you were having a separate private conversation with him. It's such an unnecessary thing for you to reply too.

He clearly however, doesn't want anyone to know that!

Mummypie21 · 29/05/2024 22:03

Some people are strange. One minute they are having a laugh with you and the next they're a bit off. I would have given him just a thumbs up for the 'never answer on behalf of me' message and not apologised.

Lampslights · 29/05/2024 22:02

Honestly I think you’re also being really immature, deleting it out of embarrassment, having to ask a colleague, having to ask on here, being annoyed at his group messages, deciding you will now not speak to him again,

its all such childish drama.

Citrusandginger · 29/05/2024 21:55

It's hard to know without knowing the vibe of the group. I'm sort of wondering if you answering on his behalf felt a bit possessive to him?

Given the age gap, might that have felt a bit weird??

Shan5474 · 29/05/2024 21:48

I find his reaction really bizarre and I’m not sure what his MH would have to do with it as your colleague didn’t mean ‘is everything ok in your life?’ or ‘have you committed suicide?’ or anything remotely serious. They sent a jokey question and you answered in a perfectly normal way. I would find it very unfriendly of him. Do you remember anything else he said in the message telling you off?

wizarddry · 29/05/2024 21:28

Is this guy on annual leave on holiday then? Not sick leave or any sort of leave that means he might need to know the team are all still OK with him and he can come back no hard feelings?

If its just a holiday why on earth is everyone texting each other have a break!!!

wizarddry · 29/05/2024 21:26

diddl · 29/05/2024 18:33

I can see his point although I think he handled it badly.

I'm guessing that the "are you dead" sender wasn't desperately in need of reassurance that everything was OK.

So you jumping in seemed unnecessary.

I suppose he didn't want your chats as friends & the group colleague chats to overlap.

Yeah I kind of would be a little bit like..I can speak for myself thanks. But I wouldn't say anything as frankly the whole thing sounds overwrought and far too connected to each other you all need to work on friendship circles outside the work space imo

Cowhen · 29/05/2024 21:22

What's done is done, but I do think you overstepped. It's not your place to answer for him. It's not like people were getting panicked about his lack of responses. He could have been more diplomatic though.

WimpoleHat · 29/05/2024 21:17

he does like attention

Doesn’t he just….? Honestly - just leave it and ignore. (That’s likely to be the thing that gets to him the most by the sound of it…..)

damebarbaracartlandsbiggestfan · 29/05/2024 21:11

He sounds dramatic and hard work.
Interesting that you said he got frosty with another colleague about something else.
I worked with a woman years ago who liked a lot of attention and could be a laugh, but always seemed to have one of the team (of about 12) in her sights to low-key bully at any one time.

Original poster

Hayfevercandie · 29/05/2024 21:10

Im actually slightly annoyed now, who does he think he is speaking to me like that, he's 20 FFS.
I could understand if I done it repeatedly but that was the only time. I'll be giving him a wide berth. I know for a fact he wouldn't speak to his beloved friend like that (the one whose number he asked me for)

OP posts:

LordSnot · 29/05/2024 20:53

His reaction and messages were bizarre.

I would step WAY back from the quasi-friendship side of things with these colleagues. Don't ever send anything to the WhatsApp that you wouldn't want your manager to see. It only takes one bad egg and you're in a heap of trouble.

Ohnobackagain · 29/05/2024 20:49

@Hayfevercandie it’s not you, it’s him. His dressing down of the other colleague was unnecessary as well. Whatever he needed to say he didn’t need to jump down anyone’s throat.

Itsallsostressful · 29/05/2024 19:34

jennylamb1 · 29/05/2024 18:16

Seems like 'he is the drama.'

😀

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