Our household noise is driving our neighbour insane.

PaintDiagram · 2024-05-29T13:26:47+00:00

Our next door neighbour is a sweet lady in her late eighties. She hears everything through our shared wall. Hand on heart I can say we’re not loud people. I’m not a huge fan of background noise myself therefore rarely have the tv/radio on. Things she’s complaining about are normal day-to-day, our shower, she hears our pipes, central heating (debatable!), washing machine etc. I’ve just gone over to hers whilst DH flushed the toilet + ran the shower. Yes, you can hear them if you listen out for them in total silence but it’s minimal, nothing out of the ordinary. I’ve said to DH about not using our en-suite after 10pm. DH who is usually a people pleaser has zero patience for this and says if he wants a shower at midnight, he should be able to have one. The same with the washing machine, if there’s a convenient time for her for us to have it on. The problem is that she’s essentially housebound and therefore is always at home. Usually sitting in silence, reading next to our shared wall.

DeadlyKnightshade · 23/07/2024 21:45

She might have dementia and be imagining all this noise. Dementia does strange things to people's perception.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 23/07/2024 21:35

If she's lonely and hasn't got much to keep her brain busy at home it will try and fill the gaps. When she was away she was probably mentally stimulated enough to not need to fill in any gaps.

It doesn't matter whether it's tinnitus or not, it's something that only happens at home and you are not making anything other than normal household noise.

This is a matter beyond your reasonable control at this point. It doesn't resolve the issue but there isn't much else you can do.

sunshinewithrain · 23/07/2024 21:14

Im not sure if this has been said..... but.....
YES - she is being unreasonable, so don't take it to heart but also.....

PLEASE take in to account she is elderly, housebound, and probably has very little social interaction and very little else to think about sadly.
Although she could just be a difficult elderly lady who has been difficult and unreasonable all her life 🤣

gamerchick · 23/07/2024 21:08

Then the only thing she or you can do is get environmental health in to check noise levels. If they can't find anything she'll just have to find a way of managing it

Not sure how a doctor checked for tinnitus though. There isn't a test is there?

Original poster

PaintDiagram · 23/07/2024 20:55

*another update.

neighbour has called us over. She’s been checked by the doctor and she doesn’t have tinnitus. She has a tape recording of the noise which I’ve taken a recording of. Honestly sounds like a the whirling of a tape/yes does sound a bit like running water - but tape recording aren’t actually silent.

Apparently when we went on holiday she couldn’t hear a thing. The first time she’s slept in months. The poor woman is at her wits end.

Apparently she’s had three people over to look at her plumbing and they’ve said it has to be us.

How can it be us, as the water tank is in our room!!!

she has also said she doesn’t wear hearing aids in bed.

OP posts:

Purpleday1 · 25/06/2024 08:57

You sound so kind.
Tinnitus is so horrendous. Poor woman if that is it. No cure but distraction techniques that can be learnt.
My friend had it after a bad ear infection but fortunately it eventually faded.
Very distressing.

LT1982 · 25/06/2024 08:28

PaintDiagram · 17/06/2024 13:06

Update:

Ethel* just called me to say that she can’t handle the noise anymore, and if we can give her a recorder to record the noise at night. She got quite upset that her son has told her she’s loosing it. I told her we think it’s tinnitus and she seems relieved. She said she’s going to call the doctor now and seems a bit more positive. I have offered to get a white noise machine for her but I’m not sure what use that will actually be. I really hope the doctors are able to do something as it sounds awful for her.

What a nice, caring neighbour you are!

Noseybookworm · 17/06/2024 13:20

PaintDiagram · 17/06/2024 13:06

Update:

Ethel* just called me to say that she can’t handle the noise anymore, and if we can give her a recorder to record the noise at night. She got quite upset that her son has told her she’s loosing it. I told her we think it’s tinnitus and she seems relieved. She said she’s going to call the doctor now and seems a bit more positive. I have offered to get a white noise machine for her but I’m not sure what use that will actually be. I really hope the doctors are able to do something as it sounds awful for her.

Oh bless her 😢 it must be horrible. Hopefully the doctor can help her. You've been very kind and patient!

OwlsOnNoses · 17/06/2024 13:08

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

PaintDiagram · 17/06/2024 13:06

Update:

Ethel* just called me to say that she can’t handle the noise anymore, and if we can give her a recorder to record the noise at night. She got quite upset that her son has told her she’s loosing it. I told her we think it’s tinnitus and she seems relieved. She said she’s going to call the doctor now and seems a bit more positive. I have offered to get a white noise machine for her but I’m not sure what use that will actually be. I really hope the doctors are able to do something as it sounds awful for her.

OP posts:

LT1982 · 01/06/2024 17:51

Spirallingdownwards · 29/05/2024 14:29

I wonder if she has recently got hearing aids. I have (and am not even elderly) and was amazed at the additional life noises I picked up. Even my hair crackles when it moves! It is possible if she has that may be the issue and it settles down once you get used to them.

Alternatively she is being overly sensitive.

I was wondering this too

angela1952 · 31/05/2024 16:24

We had a similar problem when we moved into our flat, our neighbour complained that my husband was stamping about in our living room which is over her bedrooms. He does get up early but pads about in socks so not really noisy. She moved eventually and our new neighbours say that they never hear us at all, just as we do not hear them.

godmum56 · 31/05/2024 09:40

facelace · 31/05/2024 09:38

If she's sat on her own, she could just turn them off

Show quote history

If that is the problem, she may not realise.

facelace · 31/05/2024 09:38

Spirallingdownwards · 29/05/2024 14:29

I wonder if she has recently got hearing aids. I have (and am not even elderly) and was amazed at the additional life noises I picked up. Even my hair crackles when it moves! It is possible if she has that may be the issue and it settles down once you get used to them.

Alternatively she is being overly sensitive.

If she's sat on her own, she could just turn them off

Gall10 · 31/05/2024 09:37

Teatrivet · 29/05/2024 14:33

If she’s in her late 80’s it should only be a short term problem. That’s what we tell ourselves about our elderly neighbours barky dogs.

This is a pretty ageist comment & totally unacceptable….i didn’t write the rest of my comment as it would be deleted! Think on it.

SilverHairedCat · 31/05/2024 09:33

Don't buy her a fucking parrot or offer to bring her into your home every five minutes 🙄

OP you need to speak to the daughter first. If no dice, speak to adult Social Services with your concerns for her wellbeing and safety.

Thriftnugget · 31/05/2024 07:51

Just here to say how surprised I am at the aggressiveness in so many replies here. Not the OP, sounds very reasonable in approach but so many “oh f*^% her, tell her to move” type answers- an eighty something old lady and an OP looking for a constructive way forward. Makes me feel sad.

456pickupsticks · 31/05/2024 00:43

Saw a video online in America similar to this, where an older next door neighbour came round to complain about something they'd complained about before and the homeowner had already explained/ resolved.
He suggested maybe the older lady was lonely and needed some company, or an excuse to come round and talk to someone, so he said 'come round tomorrow for dinner' and 'how about next time, you just come over and I'll invite you straight in for a coffee' - seemed to solve her issues, she was very grateful and admitted she had been really lonely.
Not saying that is necessarily the situation, but worth a thought, could you maybe invite her in for a cuppa next time she pops over to complain?

TheHateIsNotGood · 30/05/2024 22:21

I'd get her a parrot to fill up and distract her from her all-day silences; whilst offering to be a back up parrot-carer. Poor lady just needs some noise/humanity to fill up her days; and she could be any one of us one day.

hcee19 · 30/05/2024 22:15

Sometimes older people get fixated with things...You say she is housebound, she may be totally fed up and isolated and by complaining she is getting interaction with others she may desperately want, whatever way she gets it...loneliness is a terrible thing for anyone, but at her age she knows its not really going to change. How about just nipping around to her a couple of times a week, for a cup of tea & to tell her what's going on with your family. I feel so sad for the older generations who have no-one, it's very sad , you never know, she may no longer complain if she gets some company. It could be anyone of us in years to come.

Original poster

PaintDiagram · 30/05/2024 21:59

I really do think it’s tinnitus. Beforehand I was putting the ‘whooshing’/‘bubbly’ noise she was complaining about down to using the shower/flushing the toilet but when we went over yesterday it was silent. She is obviously having an awful time about it. She does swear blind that when we went away on holiday last month she slept fine and had no problems which doesn’t quite line up.

I’ve tried to track down her daughter today. I had some very loose connections which were all dead ends. I know her DD does drop off shopping, but if I miss her visit I’m going to have to curtain twitch for another week with no avail. I did hear that her DD isn’t a very nice woman of two different sources which fills me with hope.

Is there any other agency that could help? AgeUk or such like?

OP posts:

Barney60 · 30/05/2024 21:56

So sorry hadn't read update you posted, she is perhaps ill. Have quiet word with her daughter.

Barney60 · 30/05/2024 21:55

I am naturally a quiet person and noise sensitive, i live alone so noises my neighbours make sound very loud, although im detached, i can hear them if they are talking to each other in the gap between our properties, the amount of times ive opened my door thinking someone's climbed over my gate.

She will have to just accept that normal family noises are part of every day life, but i would pop a note through the door if you are having a late night and or visitors, maybe as a good will gesture some ear plugs, as regards to showering/washing machine ect these are normal household noises, if she can hear you can you hear her?
Is it possible shes just lonely, maybe invite her round for a cuppa and slice of cake let her hear from your side your not noisy.

fetchacloth · 30/05/2024 19:26

Honestly just ignore her, she's being a PITA.🙄

Geekynzmum · 30/05/2024 19:16

PaintDiagram · 29/05/2024 19:30

Ok, we’ve got quite a plot twist/issue:

When I went over earlier I could slightly hear the loo being flush and somewhat thought that was what she was complaining at. I did leave my phone number for her to call us for when the noise was unbearable for us to pinpoint what it was.

She called us, we dashed over, there’s no noise. She’s convinced you can hear the whirling/gurling/bubbling all over the house. She now thinks we’re gaslighting her as there’s nothing. You can hear her clock ticking in the deathly silence. Ironically she couldn’t hear us talking to her so conversation was quite short. DH mentioned about her hearing aid but she couldn’t hear what he was on about.

She does have a daughter who visits every week or so. I know her name and her car but never spoke to her. Apparently her daughter has a recording of this noise.

I feel for her as she is a lovely woman, and she’s been a great neighbour until this. I do want to help her as it’s causing her serious distress.

Not sure if this has been suggested already as I haven't read the whole thread.
I'm wondering if she has tinnitus as this can sound like what she has described to some people.
My mum and I both have tinnitus, mine sounds like cicadas but my mum's is more of a whooshing noise like the wind or water.
It's definitely worth mentioning to your neighbour's daughter next time she's over though.