for being upset as my dh has retired early (at 60) and expects me to keep working until 60 too, even though he is 10 years older than me

Ultimately it is your choice when you retire. Have you got quotes to see what you would get if you retire now at 55? How do you organise your finances?

Does he not get the irony of you using your income to support him in early retirement but he is now laying down the law about when you can go. I do not get why the arbitrary rule about retiring at 60. Most people retire when they can afford it unless they love their jobs.

in sickness and in health

”He got to be married to a younger woman”?!
What's fair about a woman expecting to work fewer years than her husband. Women wanted equality!

I'm 54 husband 59 we have both worked hard all of our lives. We retire shortly both together when our combined pensions can support us both (mine bigger than his) I would never say to my husband that as you can't really afford to retire you need to keep working. You are married finances are joint and life is short!

I would stop doing any housework stop doing anything that facilitates him.

🙄

I believe a lot of higher earners in couples with children are facilitated to maintain that higher earning status while their partners pick up the slack at home (via taking time out, via going part time, via 'downsizing' their own career, via picking up the lion's share of the housework, etc).

IF this is one of those situations, where OP's career was stalled and she did most of the heavy lifting at home so her husband's career could continue and rise unimpeded, then part of that pension is rightfully hers, too, frankly. It would certainly be the case if they divorced.

You’d be resentful about having to work the same amount of time as he did?

Weird!

It's your life so it's your choice. If you are ready to retire then do it! No one on their death bed says "I wish I had spent more of my life at work" .

i've never liked older men so although you may not want my opinion, i'd be annoyed in your shoes. surely that's part of the deal. Part of the understanding. Your ''youth'' for his ''wealth''

He got to be married to a woman ten years younger and now he's swanning about enjoying his pension but directing you to stay working in a job you'd prefer to leave. I'd find that annoying.

Did you read the drip feed where he got made redundant 5 years ago and sponged of OP til his pension kicked at 65?

Think many people's opinions have changed on the back of that.

You are very lucky to be retiring at 60. He did his time, you are not being asked to do anything unfair.

The fact that you've been supporting both of you for five years is significant, I think.

His pension needs to work for both of you (like your wage has for the past five years). Part-time working until you retire sounds like a good idea, especially if you can find something that involves going into a workplace.

Why don't you just give up work when you want to - not when someone else expects you to? Your life, your decision.

Retiring at 60 would be great. Most women have to stay till 66 / 67, so if you can afford to leave, just do it.

You are assuming it wasn't discussed. How do you actually force a 60 year old who declines to look for work to take a job?

It wouldn't surprise me if it started out as fine words about looking for "suitable" opportunities which conveniently never materialised because the OP's income meant he could get away without working.

Then the spouse is faced with the options of divorce (from a partner with zero income so likely to end up paying support anyway) or hoping that he will see sense and get off his arse.

Suddenly several years have passed whilst going through those stages and the realisation that he just won't work and is determined to deprive the OP of her opportunities. That is a hard thing to accept in a long term marriage and takes time to accept.

I've seen that scenario play out - its not as easy as "I simply wouldn't let him".

I would try and go PT in your current job. I would feel the same as you. Is there another option to WFH? Can you go into the office? Then he can have dinner ready for you when you get home, having done the house etc. Redress the balance a bit.

You sound really unhappy OP, and it doesn't sound like he's hearing you.

And it sounds like you don't make many of the decisions in your marriage.

But he was made redundant five years ago - so why wasn't a discussion had 4 years and 364 days ago? I mean, if DH stopped work and wasn't job hunting, I wouldn't just sit back and let him

You can consider the risk of redundancy but its pretty hard to predict that your partner will unilaterally decide to opt out of working entirely with no income - its not something people tend to say when discussing finances. Planning for redundancy would mean allowing there might be a gap between jobs and that the new job might not pay so well.

This man not only opted out of work whilst expecting his wife to continue but has been spending money on his lads lifestyle which she could have saved to retire earlier. All this after having benefited from her taking the hit to her earlier career so that his could prioritise his career - which he opted out of at 60.

My DH retired early, on medical grounds at 58.
He’s 7 years older than me, I’m 55 and he’s 62.
He’s currently on the princely sum of £500 a month.
Part of me is jealous but mostly I’m keen to stay in work so I don’t have to spend all day, every day with him. 😂

OP did he get a redundancy payment, what has happened to that? Is there a pot of money there that could help?

but at the same time you either want all equal or not all equal ?

It's worrying that his pension isn't big but much bigger than yours, that doesn't sound very good for retirement.

Biggest dripfeed ever. I'd resent that too. He was unemployed for five years - not retired.

It’s your life - do as you please op. I would go (very) part time or give up altogether.

" So my advice to you, as others have said, is to work part-time so that you can spend some quality time together. Although there is a financial sacrifice, money can't buy time spent together."

@fetchacloth I am sorry that happened to you but presumably your partner didn't fuck you over financially from the get go and use you to his own benefit for over 20yrs, I see no reason why op would want to spend time with her husband.