for being upset as my dh has retired early (at 60) and expects me to keep working until 60 too, even though he is 10 years older than me

Of course no one knows but that's a realistic and likely course at present. Would OP be able to retire at 60 just with her savings? Doubt it. Here is where being married and team playing comes together. I don't see the issue in them retiring at the same age and supplementing each other's retirement income at all.

OP is begrudging the fact her DH hit 60 10 years before her, but well, that's maths. I understand it's frustrating they are living different lifestyles but a discussion should have been had in advance about various scenarios, including saving enough to meet halfway. It didn't happen by the sounds of it and there was also a change in circumstances with the redundancy in which case I'm not sure what the OP is expecting.

Not necessarily. No one knows how life will work out.

Either way, you said if he can afford it he can retire. He could afford it but only by living off the OP. So the OP could also 'afford' it also by just retiring herself and living off him!

Before the change in the retirement age women retired at 60 , men at 65 which given the fact men tend to marry slightly younger women avoided this type of situation. I think there is a point for retiring together to enjoy life so I think the OP has a point which would have been less of an issue years ago.
I believe that people should do whatever suits their own situation - there is no right or wrong.

@MrsPuddle I am getting resentful as he is out and about enjoying himself, going on lads holidays etc and I am stuck at home behind a screen.

I believe that you are being unreasonable. Putting that aside, your DH is about 45 years too old to be going on a "lads holiday," and really no man should ever be calling themselves a "lad."

And she'll live off his higher pension topping up hers when she retires. Swings and roundabouts.

But he retired early, at 60 - eight years early. Surely, if he values his relationship with OP he would want her to share in this happy time when both are healthy and able to enjoy life? My late DH wfh and I retired at 60, more or less (I did some p/t work). We enjoyed life together, my DH did not go on lads' hols and I did not go on girls' hols, we went together wherever we went. We had planned to have enough money, and my DH never thought that I should do something he was not prepared to do i.e. go out to work when it wasn't necessary and I did not wish to, because he felt the same.

He retired 5 years ago and lived off the OPs wages since then. His pension only kicked in this year.

AlltheFs · Today 13:07
How bizarre, I fully expect by husband to retire before me because he is older”

Well, quite.

Well, no he has not. Most people now have to work till 68, which I think monstrously unfair. If he has retired but expects his wife to go on working to provide for his lifestyle he has certainly got unreasonable expectations. I'd retire now.

He gave up work at 60 and lived off the OPs wages until this year when his pension kicked in.

Well, if he can afford it, he can retire. It's not his fault he's older than you.

What did you discussin terms of your retirement plans in advance?

Btw, hands down, I've never heard anyone referring to a 60 yo man going on a 'lads holiday' 😬

So you want to work 10 years less than him, retire and then 'share' HIS pension? Haha, a good one. Lazy and greedy both in one.

I'm in a similar situation, and initially I thought, I'd never have to cook a weekday meal again. Hurrah. But it's not quite like that. I really like my job (changed a few years ago reluctantly) and work from home. I would have preferred being in the workplace, but I'm over that now. When the kids were younger, I earned much less than my husband. Now I'm the 'breadwinner'. I suppose I could feel resentful or even envious, but I'm trying to enjoy what life brings. Most of the time, it works. Give it time.

Well he gave up working 5 years ago and wasn't short of funds because he lived off the OPs wages.
Now he thinks she could continue to work even though they could live off his pension.
The language used in the OP makes it sound like he's controlling, plus the whole issue itself makes it sound that way so of course she should feel hard done by if he thought he could retire early and live off her but expects her to not retire early even though they could live off his pension.

There's no suggestion that she'd be complaining about them being short of funds, she said they'd be fine as long as they tightened their belts...or if he tightened his belt by the sounds of it because he's going off on 'lads' holidays etc.

Wow. You must have a wonderful relationship.

Why are people always looking to somehow drag down their spouses? Where's the love and respect? Why not support and encourage your spouse who has reached retirement age to enjoy the benefits. Why expect tol hold them back and stifle them until you catch up? If you marry someone significantly older than you they are going to reach retirement age ahead of you. Your time will come. I wonder why some people got married/stay married. If being married to someone annoys you so much go your separate ways, then you won't have to be pissed off that they're "off on a jolly" while you're working.

I retired when DH did (he was 58 and I was 39) but we could afford it. I sold my house and paid off his mortgage when we got together so there weren't any debts. He was happy so that we could pursue our hobbies together and both be around for the children but if you need the money I can see why the older one would resent the younger one stopping and not contributing as much as they did.

She wrote that she worked full time throughout her life.
Where is the equality in him contributing 40 (approx) years of work and her complaining because she may have to do the same?

This “he got to be married to a younger woman “ schtik is just plain weird. Her age is irrelevant. You make it sound like it’s some huge asset.
You work, you stop working, why should she feel hard done by because she’s still working? She can stop if she wants but she can’t then complain if she is short of funds. It’s up to her.

sounds like complete bullshit to me.

You’re my future! Except by the time I get to your age I’ve not got a hope of early retirement thanks to changes made to NHS pensions. I will be expected to work until I’m 67, my husband will be 77. Hopefully his pension will be enough to share that maybe I could go a few years earlier and suffer the penalties that will be imposed on mine. We both view our pensions as joint, we want to enjoy retirement together and whilst we/he has his health, we discuss it a lot but there will likely be a good few years at least that he is enjoying retirement whilst I work and I don’t resent that. It’s unfortunately part and parcel of marrying someone older and yes certainly not something I was thinking of when we met when I was 25.

Well yes, older people will generally retire before younger people. If you can afford it now and you hate your job, however, go for it! Is he stopping you?

Pretty sure if he was a 'homemaker' or full-time dad, the OP would have mentioned it in one of her posts, don't you think?

I think I'd be a bit pissed off too @MrsPuddle if he's treating his pension like it's all his, and his alone. Unfortunately this seems to be common even after a lifetime of sharing income as a family. A lot of women would be better off, financially, from divorcing and seeking their fair share of pension assets if their own pension was impacted by having children and primary carer responsibilities.

Hopefully he just hasn't stopped to think about it properly. Maybe if you are able to have a proper chat about the total household income at the moment and how it can be best utilised to achieve the best lifestyle for both of you.

Otherwise, I very much hope that actual workload is shared -that is, while you are working he is taking on a fair share of household tasks.

Lads’ holidays? Dear me.

This is something you are going to have to work out between you. I don't think there is right or wrong. Reasonable argument for both parties. I'd say it depends greatly on your financial situation.