for being upset as my dh has retired early (at 60) and expects me to keep working until 60 too, even though he is 10 years older than me

@MrsPuddle Fair enough!

Some are presuming that he does nothing around the house, others assumed that he is running the household.
The details of the finances are not specified.
Frankly, as OP is not returning with these details, I assume that he is running the house and probably had redundancy and no luck getting a job when he was over sixty.
I can understand the OP being annoyed, but it would not be an outrage of the show was on the other foot.

My DH is 11 years older than me. Some people said when I married him that I would end up his nurse. He went part time at 65 and took half his occupational pension. I would always come home to dinner on the go it was great. I was very lucky to be able to take voluntary early retirement at 58. DH at 73 is still not completely retired, he has advisory/consultancy work and academic research/writing. He has no major health issues and doesn’t need nursing or care. We’ve had 34 wonderful years and I’d do it all again even if his health collapsed tomorrow. There are no guarantees in life, you could marry someone the same age and still end up their carer if they got MS or early onset dementia or something.

You’ve subsidised him for the last 5 years, now it’s time for him to subsidise you for the next few years.

If you’ve worked in education, can you do the odd few days of supply, teacher or TA, to give you money for the extra holidays or luxuries?

My DH took early retirement at 52. He was 7 years older than me and I retired at 65. For 20 years I worked and he didn't but he ran the house like clockwork. I didn't do any shopping (unless I fancied the idea), laundry, cooking or cleaning. His pension was more than my salary and I never begrudged him one minute of his retirement because I loathe cleaning and my wonderful DH did it all!

Every weekend we went out and about together - country walking, trips to other towns, any adventure we fancied.

It was wonderful and if I could go back I would, even though it would mean me being back in the office.

Is that how marriages work?

@MrsPuddle Your previous posts say you left teaching at age 54, after 33 years. And that you're now competing for other jobs. Presumably you've found one but you're not enjoying it?

You will have a significant pension as a former teacher, working for 33 years, which you can access at 60.

However, it does depend a little on how much work you did and if that was full time.

Have you got a pension forecast from Teachers' Pensions?

YANBU! My parents have a 15y gap and they retired at the same time.
How fair would it be for your DH to enjoy his freedom now and when you finally join him you will be looking after him as health often starts to go downhill from there.

Who knows what the real issue is? OP is as enigmatic as Greta Garbo, and just as good at sharing information.

I am 💯 with @fieldsofbutterflies and have done the same (we arent 40 yet...)
And i had no whale music for any of my births and they turned out great 😜

I also think while you can be upset all you like the reality is you are fortunate to even have the option/ be able to retire at 60.

I laughed at "worked all my life" comment
most people do! And he has worked 10 years longer than you!

Is your Issue that he didnt contribute at all financially for 5 years? Not even via savings? Because that is different....
Also you implied his pension is small but yours is much worse? Have you actually done the numbers / looked at your future finances?

So he gave up work and you've paid for everything for the past 5 years? That's not on. I assumed he took his pension early and was paying half the bills and his holidays. He's probably laughing at you.

So he didn't retire at 60 he stopped working and contributing financially? So you could stop work at 60 and he'll pay for everything for the subsequent 5 years ?

I wanted to stay I’m sorry you are feeling so frustrated. I can totally see it from your perspective you have been supporting your husband for 5 years. I think the post important thing to do is figure out what you want. If it’s working in an office and interacting with others more then go for it. I think it’s probably sensible to work another 5 years but not in your current role. Your husband spending all those years living off your income and then suddenly heading off on lads holidays would massively
piss me off.

This would be my worry

I'm more inclined to a colossal wind-up.

My dad retired at 55. My mum who is 10 years younger stopped working after 40 due to a medical condition. What I remember is how annoying my mum found my dad being home all the time.

I can’t imagine being at home with DH with no solid financial plan in place before I throw my job in. I want to know what the plan is for: Day to day, travel, moving to a retirement home, how much do we need for hospital bills and helping DC and hopefully GCs someday, just to name a few things on a huge list.

I think while you can earn it’s an advantage. Also five years isn’t a huge amount of time. In the meantime maybe you could go PT and take some long holidays together.

Good luck!

Op are you writing a switcheroo? Did you retire early and you're writing this from your partner's view.

I'm confused by your post because your past posts claimed you already retired early.

MrsPuddle · 05/10/2023 22:41
Well I have just taken early retirement and I am so bored, with no real direction I would love to be 34 again.

I agree @AdmittowearingCrocs , why is OP being so . . . enigmatic?

It may be that he was paying for holidays with the lads out of redundancy pay but despite myself and several other people asking about this, OP has not chosen to enlighten us.
So the question remains, was he only living on OP’s wages or a nice amount of redundancy pay before getting his pension? Is that what OP is also upset about?

I know this is not directly relevant to the Op’s situation.
I am 68 and work full-time by choice. I also receive national superannuation here in NZ. This is a universal pension, paid to all at 65 regardless of whether working or not; not means-tested. I feel fully entitled to this, having worked non-stop since the age of 20. I have a small government-scheme pension (Kiwisaver) that I and my employer have contributed to. If I were to retire tomorrow this would probably last for only 2-3 years.
I live with my partner of 17 years who is five years older and fully retired, with only national super as income. He is still mortgaged due to splitting assets upon divorce, and more recently a business closure. I contribute a larger portion of our outgoings because I have the (much) larger income, and because we are a partnership. He has many hobbies and interests including voluntary work. The key thing is that apart from cooking which I enjoy, he does EVERYTHING else inside and outside the house.
My health isn’t great however I find work manageable. I was a secondary teacher for over 35 years and could definitely NOT still be teaching as it is physically/mentally punishing. For over 10 years I have had a good government education-adjacent job which is sedentary so suits my physical needs.
I am constantly being asked why I don’t retire? Depending on who is asking, I may joke – “What? More husband and less money?” (He’s actually not my husband.) But actually, it’s not a joke. I like going off to work each day. Though we are very happy, I think we’d go crazy if we spent too much time together (as happened during lockdown). And more importantly, I want to earn while I can. We feel too financially insecure for me to turn down a good salary just to swan around home seven days a week.
Op, my situation is not your situation. Can you see the advantage in staying in some work, either part-time or in a job you enjoy more or one that gives you the social contact you want? There is a lot to be said for some degree of independence.

For me team playing coming into it would mean that they try to work it out so they can both retire close enough to each other and then enjoy the time together. Not at the same age....

Just because a discussion wasn't had in advance does not mean that no discussions or new plans and new arrangements can be made now.
It's not uncommon for life plans to have to be reassessed even if both were in agreement at the start.

We don't know that no discussions were had either. Perhaps she wanted him to look for another job after redundancy and he said no no we're fine.

I understand how you feel. Retirement is something that I always imaged to be a shared experience and it doesn't seem fair that you've been financing him having a fun time without you.

You have stuck it out 5 years which is more than I would have done! I hope he has been cooking lovely meals for you and doing housework.

It does make sense if he now has a pension coming in that you change to part time and preferably a job not at home. That way you'll maintain your current lifestyle and have sufficient to build up your own pension.

I agree with others that you can't be sure where you or your husband will be healthy or energy wise in 5 years time - this time is precious and it's understandable to want to share it with your husband and it would be hurtful if he didn't feel the same