for being upset as my dh has retired early (at 60) and expects me to keep working until 60 too, even though he is 10 years older than me

@L0bstersLass The Op said elsewhere that she was a teacher for 33 years and left it at 54. She's now doin an admin type of job based at home.

She also said she spent a lot of time doing full time child care. So it's not clear how many years she had teaching (the 33 years will be from when she qualified but she wouldn't have worked all those years.)

And it's not clear if she was p/t or f/t when she went back to it.

She's also said her pension wasn't that great.

Teacher's pensions are quite generous but if she didn't work full time for years it will be lower. And she won't be contributing to it now.

I know women who retrained at 55- some as counsellors or similar and carried on working p/t to their late 70s.

I don't really understand the point of people being married for one person to be living the life of Riley while the other one still works and does all the housework and they don't do anything together. They may as well be two separate individuals living separate lives. He is not bringing anything to the table.

You're right to be cautious as health issues can crop up, some without warning.
One word of advice, I'm assuming you're not married to your partner, ensure that there is some form of life cover in place and that both of your wills are up to date.
I didn't do that and my partner died suddenly leaving me with nothing.

It's very tricky. My partner really wants me to retire to spend time with him doing stuff, but I am painfully aware that it would be a huge risk for me to rely on his money now. But equally I want to do active fun stuff before he's too old.

Those years after 60 are very unpredictable.

I think it's sad that it's considered "wonderful" that a wife has a positive attitude towards her husband! Surely that should be the standard. More and more I notice people moaning and giving out about their husbands. Do people honestly feel that resentful of their spouses? Or is it just not cool to admit you might indeed love them?

Yes. But only in comparison to other men. The bar is low. If this were a wife it would just be what’s expected.

This is his private pension, presumably. He'll get his state pension at 66. You're in the group who won't get the state pension until 67. It doesn't sound as though his pension is massive - I'm a bit confused.

You talk about him living it up and going on holidays with the boys, but you also talk about belt-tightening. It's obviously not a pension two of you could live on easily.

It doesn't sound as though you have the income to retuire early, unless the two of you can enjoy a life with financial limitations. Lots of people do, but it's not good to feel financially insecure later in life.

I suppose it depends on a lot of factors like health, family, commitments etc. I'm 57 and would not like to stop work just yet, I'm not ready to do that and with DD off to university this year, it's not an option for us yet anyway. I am 4 years older than DH and our plan is for us both to retire at 65, so I will retire before him. I like working, but I imagine I'll be ready to give it up by then.

I think 55 is incredibly young to 'retire'.

If you can afford to stop working , then fair enough..I'm not sure I'd carry on if I didn't have to, but 'retiring ' is a strange way to look at it as a 55 Yr old.

Sounds like there needs to be a Frank discussion, because neither of you are being really unreasonable..you just need to tweak a few things so your DH can enjoy his retirement having put his time in, and you can do your final 5 years with something to look forward to.

Lovely, as @beergiggles says.
But also wonderful of you to have that attitude towards him.

Yanbu.

DH is 4 years older than me and we’ve long agreed that I’ll retire when he does. We want to enjoy retirement together as long as possible! You never know how long you’ve got.

I'd want the same if I were the eldest, for the same reason.

What a fabulous bloke he is 🥰

I remember when DGP retired back in 1967 .He told my Nan she had to retire too ,as he didnt want people talking that he was at home when she wasnt! She was really miffed as she enjoyed her little part time job .Times have changed!

It's possible the OPs DH couldn't get another job. It's very hard at 60.
No idea! Because all of that is irrelevant.

So the OP is responsible for the DH unilaterally opting out of work at 60 with no income and using her income to fund his lads lifestyle? Its not sleepwalking by the OP. Its the DH abusing trust which any of us might reasonably expect after 25/30 odd years together.

You may find that scenario LoL and be keen to load responsibility for DH's abuse of trust onto the woman but I don't. The only person responsible for DH's idleness is the DH who would know that there was little the OP could do about it.

The age gap is the other way in our house as my husband is almost 8 years younger than me. I retired four years ago at 66, and he is now coming up to 63 and working full time, and looking at another almost 3 years until he retires (assuming the age doesn't go up again).
So while he grumbles a bit that he has to still get up and out for work every morning while I can have a leisurely tea in bed, mostly it works out. I do a wee bit more around the house, but he still does his almost 50% of the cooking, cleaning and shopping etc.
When it comes to finances we are still splitting bills and holidays 50%. If he had retired and I was still working I think I'd be a bit jealous.
When we met and married 28 years ago retirement wasn't even a topic for discussion, never entered our heads.

I cant believe people saying youre "lazy" to want to finish work at 55! Do you have a private pension at all? I think you can sometimes access them at 55,but look into it first.Does he do housework/cooking the garden.You need to explain your point to him in no uncertain terms!

They shouldn't

That is gutted, I just don't know how you resolve this apart from requesting he does all the housework now in view of the fact he is not working and you are.
Plus we can predict that you will be caring for him when you do finally retire.

If he loves you as much as you love him surely he can see your point of view?

Otherwise I suggest you get yourself fired and then struggle to find another job

How negatively is your projected pension affected by you retiring at 55 rather than 60?

My partner (we don’t live together) is 55 and I’m 50. He is mortgage free and currently work 4 days a week and has a day off studying / doing his hobbies / it’s fine. He plans to retire in 3 years as he can. I will be 53. I aim to drop to 3 days at that point. He can have 3 days doing his own thing and we have 4 together, is that possible. His pension is pot money - time for a conversation about what you both want

True, you can't plan for redundancy. But knowing your partner is 10 years older than you the thought should have crossed your mind that he'd be retired before you.
That's all that's happened here. It happened a bit quicker due to redundancy but even if that hadn't happened you'd be thinking that he'd have worked to at least 65 and you would have had another 10 years to retirement age.
Or was the plan always that once he retired you would too, and then that changed due to him being made redundant rather than formally retiring?
I understand being a bit envious, but your OP makes you sound resentful of him rather than wishing you were in a position to join him.

Maybe he just wants to do stuff with his mates and not you?
You can't be short of money is he's having 'single' holidays away with his mates.

Is there a history of him telling you what to do?

If you think you can manage without your income for 5 years, just stop work.
You don't need his permission.

I started wanting to hear other peoples experience and view on large age gaps etc, so thank you for the responses. As for additional details, thats not the point, ca we stop now!!

It is the point though but you're not happy about people asking you questions.

He didn't retire at 60. He was made redundant. You've not answered if he was given a lump sum and if that's gone towards your finances since.

So that was 5 years ago - plenty of time for you both to talk about what you both wanted.

But just before he was made redundant you left teaching and took on other work that you aren't enjoying.

It was always going to be the case the with a 10 year age gap, he either had more 'leisure time' than you if he retired at 60/65.

Surely that has been clear since you married?

You say he expects you to work till you're 60.
Do you always do what he says? Is he a bully? You make it sound as if you have to obey him.

The point is when can you afford to stop work?

DH and I are planning retirement at 60. He'll hit it 11 months before me. We've also talked about carrying on working after 60 if we want to, but if that's the case I'll be going part time as one of my pensions pays out at 60 automatically.

You ask how people plan this in advance - we've planned this 20 years in advance based on our occupational pensions. I've never included the state pension in my calculations as I have little faith in it paying out in 25+yrs time.

What were your personal plans for retirement before he was made redundant?

What were his plans for his retirement? Why didn't he find a new job after redundancy?

If you've been the sole income for the last five years have you really never discussed how you'll survive and how you'll plan for any changes this makes to retirement?