for being upset as my dh has retired early (at 60) and expects me to keep working until 60 too, even though he is 10 years older than me

Me too.

This

YABU. My DH is older than me, by five years, and he is semi-retired - he works half-days. I work full time. He has lots of hobbies he does in the other time, and also does most of the housework, shopping, cooking etc. His pension is considerably larger than mine, so I expect him to be completely retired at some point while I am working full time

Retiring early to prove some point and make it so you both have a poorer quality of life in retirement makes no sense.

as others have said look into moving to part time if that would help

Ask him to do housework, repairs and cooking.
I am looking forward to that when DH retires.

Where does it end though? If he'd retired at 55 would you have expected to stop at 50?

I think you're just jealous that you're still going out to work and he gets to do whatever he wants - which is understandable but normal when you have an age gap.

Although you may not have been thinking about this in your twenties, surely you discussed it in your forties?

I agree with people mentioning housework. He should definitely be doing all the cooking and cleaning!

Can you go part time as that seems like a possible compromise?

My husband's 12 years older than me. The plan is when he retires we swap roles. He takes on the house and the kid with SNs and I go full time. Can't ruddy wait me. Just a few years left.

If you bloke has retired, he should be doing the vast majority of the house graft if you're working full time. Is he at least doing that?

Did it not occur to you through your marriage before now that this might happen? What conversations did you have about this?

How bizarre, I fully expect by husband to retire before me because he is older!

We might not work until exactly the same age but I don’t presume I will stop when he does. Most couples don’t stop at the same time, unless they happen to be the same age.

Why not explore how much your pension (presumably private) is worth and see if it is beneficial to you to take it now, either by annuity or annual drop-down.
Presumably, you won't be entitled to the state pension until you are 66//7, so you'd have to factor in how long your private may last - will it take you to state pension age?

Is your DHs pension both state and private? If so, then it will seem much more than yours as he has 2 'incomes'

This one is down to what life-style you want. Can you afford to do all your hobbies/outings as well as cover bills etc?

This is difficult because, well, when you got with him in your twenties, I am sure every friend you had said 'don't do it, it's fine now, it won't be when you're older.'

What did you think would happen?

Retiring at 55 basically from jealousy, and enforcing a tighter lifestyle seems a bit selfish. I don't see the issue with the expectation you work until 60- given May people won't and can't retire at that age, and will continue working until nearer 70. He has the bigger pensions, this is your opportunity to improve yours. Can you make voluntary contributions to increase yours? It's another 5 years, which is still 'young' to retire

I sympathise, my DH is 20-odd years older and retired when we both got made redundant 7 years ago (he was 60). I hate that I still have to work and we don’t spend that much time together. I’d love to go part time but there just isn’t anything around and not really possible in my current role 😢.

I wouldn't even mind doing longer shifts but fewer days but I can’t find anything like that either ☹️. I’m aware of the right to make a flexible work request but I know it couldn’t be accommodated without them having to employ extra so that is a non-starter too.

It sucks. No advice but lots of sympathy.

Can you afford more fun in your life even with work hours? After work? A trip together? A class?

I guess the flip side is that when you were younger you potentially benefited from getting with someone who was more financially established so it’s swings and roundabouts- possibly not though.

I'm afraid I agree with your dh. He has worked for 40 years to retire at 60. Why shouldn't you do the same? Even 60 is 'early retirement' now. Your argument about wanting to do nice things together before he is 70 and potentially too old should have been discussed and considered years ago.

I think you need to be careful op, by the time you get to retirement age he will start having health issues and he will expect you to be his carer. You'll go straight from working for money to looking after him.
In other words there will be no freedom for you.

I always think this is one of the worst aspects of age gap relationships. It's all very well saying that he has done his time etc, but the reality is that the decades after retirement can make a huge difference health wise. You could easily find that you spend a long time working whilst he is enjoying the golden years of retirement and then spend your retirement caring for him or as a widow. Sorry, I don't mean that in a harsh way but more to agree with you that these years are important ones if you want to have a reasonable amount of time together enjoy your shared retirement.

I had a similar situation with an older partner, but I didn't think it was necessary for me to retire as well. He looked after me very well - cooked, cleaned, walked the dog on the days when I was working.

In these uncertain times, I'd be wary of losing an income. It's only 5 years, and if he looks after himself, he should still be fit and healthy at 70.

A mismatch in health and aging is what you sign up for when you marry someone older than you, but for me it was worth it. My DH was 20 years older than me (I was 30 when I met him, so it wasn't one of those creepy teenager things). He died at 89, within weeks of his 90th birthday, and for most of that time, he was fit and well.

Good point about housework though. I’d expect him to be picking up majority of the slack at home if you’re still working in terms of cooking cleaning etc.

I don't think God and all his angels could make me keep working if I could afford to retire tbh so I can kind of understand him doing so as soon as he can, but I get why you'd feel resentment too. Can you afford to retire too, or go part time?