for being upset as my dh has retired early (at 60) and expects me to keep working until 60 too, even though he is 10 years older than me

This is the crux of the issue to me.
Will you also get the same amount of 'golden years' of retirement, traveling abroad etc, or will you have to stay at home and be a carer to your DH?
Also - doesn't he want to spend these 'golden years' of active retirement with his loving wife? It's a gamble on his part!

He's done is work let him enjoy his retirement.
Large age gaps don't always work.
But it's his time now reduce your hours.

Yes, there's a not very nice personality here.

I don't think I could unsee this if I were the OP and considering the future.

My dh is 8 years old than me, does a professional but manual type job, has to be on site, no flexibility, no part time etc. He is hoping to retire around 60 if he can afford it (I'll be 52- which is only 11 years and I couldn't imagine retiring. Still feel about 25). I'm lucky that I do remote consultancy work that I can do wherever and whenever. Our plan is for me to go part time when dh retires and spend a few months a year abroad.

Dh jokes that I'll be 'keeping him' after he retires (until I retire) and tbf he fully financially supported me and our dc when I completed a doctorate for 3 years. Him being older also meant he already owned a house when we met so I benefited from that too. So it's swings and roundabouts in age gap relationships.

Op I think your best option is to go part time if you can afford it.

Nail on the head there.

This is a man who wants to have his cake and eat it too.

Yes indeed.

I think your husband is being selfish here. He's also taking you for granted.

Has he always been like this?

I agree with you op, you should retire earlier and enjoy the time with your husband. Provided you can both survive on the money he is getting or savings.

Surely as he's not working and has no young kids to look after, he's helping lighten the load at home with washing/cleaning/cooking? That way, you should hopefully have more "me time" when you're not working too, right?

This is a big problem.

He is spending his pension on his lads' holidays and days out, and your wage is keeping the home fires burning.

You could find yourself tending to someone whose health is deteriorating once he gets close to 70 and beyond while you are still relatively young - but this is something you surely anticipated when you married, though nothing is certain and we can't see into the future... Will your retirement hopes have to be shelved for him?

I think the way forward is to go part-time, so you have time to spend together and enough money to maintain a standard of living. If he keeps on insisting you work full time while he does a lot of solo holidays, etc, that's a very lonely existence for you, and for him to insist on it is very strange amd selfish indeed.

I think you need to find a mediator or counselor to figure out a way forward.

Flip it on its head OP and think of it another way- why should you be able to retire earlier than him? Why do you only have to work to 55, while he worked to 60? He has done his time, you still haven’t finished yours.

"We will have enough money, if we just tighten out belts in retirement."

Or another covid happens, or another Liz Truss or something akin to Brexit or Put in completely loses the plot...

Even if nothing like that happened in the next half a century (unlikely) I wouldn't do it. We live longer and longer. You could have another 50 years ahead of you. Do you really want to spend them watching homes under the hammer, harassing garden centres and getting norovirus on a cruise?

Ditch the DH, look into finding something that suits you better workwise and flourish for decades.

Lack of purpose is one of the most vicious channels into decrepitude.

If I was him I'd want to facilitate my partner either retiring, or reducing hours, so we could enjoy spending more time together. Op's husband obviously doesn't feel the same, though. . .

YANBU
In a long happy relationship I would expect your husbands retirement plans to include wanting to spend time with you travelling, taking up new hobbies together etc.
I would be concerned that you may not get many years of retirement before he starts to slow down / get health problems etc.

I think being at home behind a screen is about as painless as paid work gets. It really could be much worse, and it doesn't sound like he's getting under your feet.

I have semi retired and we had many many discussions about how it would work (I'm 4 years older) and the agreement was I would do all housework so our weekends were fun times.

He can't swan off and do what he likes whilst you work and do the h/w, and I bet you do the many?

Ah ha, thank you. I suspected as much!

But statistically that's a lot less likely.

By her husband. He wanted her to carry on working and not retire early. Exact same scenario as op.

The situations are very different though. A SAHP is almost always financially dependent on their partner. They choose not to work and for their partner to provide for them in exchange for performing childcare and some level of domestic support. If they didn't, there would be little point in the arrangement.
In the OPs case, her husband has worked, earned and planned his finances so he can now provide for himself without the need to work. He's not asking the OP to keep him so doesn't 'owe' her a contribution in lieu.
Don't get me wrong, I do think both should contribute domestically and that relationships are not as financially 'brutal' as that in reality, but a retired financially independent partner and an unemployed dependent one are not the same.

I'm 14 years older than my fiance. I'm a Headteacher and hoping to retire in my early 60's with a healthy pension and hopefully some sensible investments. The plan is for him to retire too so we can enjoy life together, as well as plan for his security in the likely event that I pass before him.
Neither of us would enjoy it if I were retired and he were still grafting 40 hours a week.

Yeah that's not gonna happen. Even if she gets ill or infirm first, he won't be her carer. That much is clear from his behaviour now. Bogging off on lads holidays and pursuing hobbies and interests that exclude the OP.

Whilst he has earned the right after many years of working, it doesn't sound like he wants to be anywhere near her most of the time, let alone be her carer, ever! 😬

For what it's worth, I don't think you're being unreasonable. As you rightly say marriage should be a partnership, if you are the only one working it's only fair that he should be taking over a bigger share of household tasks to free up time so you have more leisure time together. Holidays with the boys are fine but he does sound quite selfish, how would he like it if, when you do retire, you just swanned off on holiday with other people whenever you felt like it?

Unreasonable to retire at 55. HOWEVER what he's actually doing is important. Is he taking on the household responsibilities? Is he doing the shopping, the cooking, the admin, so that BOTH your lives are a bit more comfortable? Surely if you're still working, you can afford nice holidays. Are you doing these together?

If not, he is being selfish and there is your issue. I'd reconsider my marriage based on that as by the time you retire, he will EXPECT you to slow down and care for him. Which would obviously be a pile of shit for you.

YABU tbh. He worked to sixty, which is early retirement these days, and it is not unreasonable you should do the same rather than quitting young and eating into your joint retirement funds rather than building them up.