for being upset as my dh has retired early (at 60) and expects me to keep working until 60 too, even though he is 10 years older than me

Maybe try a different job that you like more on less hours.

I personally wouldn't do this to my partner fyi, I'd want to retire together, so to me you're not being unreasonable.

Honestly the op is only 55. Despite the merchants of doom on here, chances are ahead will live into her 80s. She has 30 more years ahead of her.
I'd rather keep working for a few more years than expecting my husband and I to penny pinch for the next 10 years trying to live on one pension .
Retiring on a shoe string is fairly crap especially for your husband who did everything right and worked for 40 years but is still expected to tighten his belt and forego his plans for a few hols etc so you can quit work 10 years early .

One the one hand you say you didn’t take any time out with kids and then on the other you say your income greatly reduced due to kids?

I think you’re ridiculous and completely unreasonable. He’s done his time, you have only 5 more years. You’re lucky to be even able to retire at 60. I’m baffled as to why you think you should be able to retire at the same time, it’s nothing to do with being a partnership. Stop being lazy and entitled.

How much will your pension be compared to your current salary

I haven't seen how long you've been together. I married an older DH, but from the start I began saving hard towards early retirement, but even still, he will have had about 7 years of retired life before I'm able to join him.

That is what may happen if you marry someone 10 years older than you. Such an age gap comes with numerous pitfalls.

"its about having a partner on a very different lifestyle to your own. Not something I was thinking of in my twenties when I met him!"

But you've had 35 years to think about this. I can't grasp why you are so resentful. Is there a reason why?

I see where you're coming from OP. He's making hay while the sun shines. Which is fine, except that risks leaving you high and dry if your retirement is spent looking after him.

You need to have a conversation about how you want to enjoy your retirement too, that you want to enjoy time with him while he's still fit and healthy, and how you don't want to spend your life having children, working, then caring for him. That's not acceptable, especially when stats show that men consistently have a lower life expectancy than women.

Tough talks ahead. Don't let him fob you off.

Nonsense. She's retiring at 60 and he will be 70. Not all 70 year olds have health issues and require carers.

Maybe work winter and take summer off ?

This is such a level of hyperbole. Good lord.

My wife is 8 years younger than me. I'll be retiring at 65, so she'll be 57 at the time. Assuming we are both healthy/alive we'll be retiring together. We want to enjoy free time and travel together and we're working hard to make sure our pensions will be enough to support that.

I'm older than my husband so if he works till normal retirement age I'll be about 74.

Based on that we aim for him to retire a few years early or go part time. I must admit I'm a bit grumpy at the thought of him being able to retire early but I know it's ridiculous because I want to spend more time with him.

I'm not even planning to properly retire at all so its just daft I'm annoyed.

I think I would be upset that he didn’t want my company as part of his retirement.

Tell him that when you retire you will expect and take the same number of years of active retinas he has and if that means you are off in Lanzarote with your women friends while he is recovering from a hip replacement then so be it!

When can you draw your private or work pension? Can the two of you manage until you get your state pension in 12 years?

Tell him that as you will likely outlive him by 10 years you would rather retire earlier and spend more of his pension upfront than have his remaining pension to live on once he is gone.

Well, probably not in your 20’s but your 40’s maybe….

Yes, this. 60 is still early.

God forbid he has some fun with his friends! He's still an individual and is entilted to go on trips or abroad with someone other than his wife!

Do the PP who think OP should retire think she should have retired at 50 at the same time as DH? I doubt it.

And as for the arguement of her ending up being his carer. Well by that rational he'll eventually die and she'll have plenty of time to enjoy his pension for many years to come.. and women live on average 4 years longer

I get where you are coming from. Not quite there yet, but there is a biggish age gap between me and DH, and he is hoping to retire in the next few years, where as I still have what feels like a very long time ahead of me! I can imagine feeling jealous when the time comes and he's enjoying his life while I'm still working.

The thing is though, that was always going to be the case. We can't afford for me to retire earlier than 60 really if we want to still live the life we have, so I know that whilst I might feel jealous, it will also just be what it is. That being said, we will be mortgage free in 10 years time, so less reliant on my full time salary. I might look to go part time at that point if we can make it work.

I will definitely be expecting DH to be doing most of the household stuff though once he retires, so that we have more time to relax in the evenings and at weekends. I'd also ask him to try and move his 'hobby' to during the day if he can so its not eating in to our evenings.

Why is it bizarre that you would want to retire with your husband. If you were both the same age you would probably retire together and move on to the next stage of your life together to have shred experiences and memories.

My DH is 12 years older than me. He retired age 62 because we worked out that by cutting out luxuries I earned enough to support us both. He did volunteer work for 2 years and then bought a business in the South of France. There was never any doubt in my mind that I would give up “work” and join him in his hobby business. When he decided to retire completely there was no discussion he expected me to retire with him.

We met later in life and did discuss the issue that if he retired at 62 and I retired 10 years later then we would miss out on so much. So I focussed on putting as much as possible into my pension knowing that I would probably stop making payments just s I reached my peak earning capacity.

To be clear my husband was not controlling and If I had said at anytime I want to carry on working he would have supported that.

So you took a financial hit in order to make family life work, and now he's spending the pension your sacrifice made possible?

To heck with that.

I'd be talking to a solicitor, frankly.

You have facilitated his career and his large pension by being the one to take the hit when you had children together.
He wouldn't be where he is without you, but he won't share the benefits with you.

Marriage is a partnership and whatever you both do should surely be with the joint goals of your partnership.
My husband and I are the same age, but he will have a significantly bigger private pension than me because I spent years out of work looking after kids. According to some posters on here that's his, he worked hard for it and I need to wait until I can afford to take mine, although my husband can probably afford to retire at 50. No, if we can't both retire at 50 we will both work until we can retire together- we are a team.
If one of us needs to retire earlier because we are struggling with work or health then we'll do that, but overall the goal will be to spend time together, to do things together and to enjoy as many years of good health together as we can. Maybe one or both of us will want to keep working part time or volunteering for fun (tbh more likely me than him), certainly that's what my dad has done - my mum retired at 60 from part time work. My dad kept going with part time seasonal work and is still enjoying it at 70 - they still have lots of time to take holidays and do things they enjoy together, and mum has lots of times to do things that are meaningful to her while he is working.
It must be a mutual decision for the good of both partners and for the marriage, and in OP's case it feels like a decision handed down to her by her husband.

Agree.