for being upset as my dh has retired early (at 60) and expects me to keep working until 60 too, even though he is 10 years older than me

Someone else mentioned police retiring at 50. What about doctors/nurses/NHs workers?

Isn't your husband bored? I can see how life would be difficult and how quickly you might start to resent his freedom when you're both based in the house seven days a week, even if he does take himself out and about. Wouldn't you prefer to work outside of the home again, is that a possibility? Be nice to come home to a cooked meal and a tidy house - please don't tell me you're doing all the chores too!

I’m surprised how many posters are shocked or horrified that op might want to retire at 55. All the teachers I know are retired between 55-58 at the latest. In fact in my county it’s hard to hold on to your job when you reach 50. In the last reorganisation everybody over 50 was first out.

She didn’t assume anything, she said “may not”. And she’s right, it’s possible.

Sorry, to be clear, I meant for him to have paid earlier on while he was still working. Although he could pay top-ups in now as well!

The point about pensions is so under-discussed. Especially at the divorce stage.

The way to counteract your situation OP, is for your DH to pay into your pension as well as his own. I would hazard a guess that some women think this is unreasonable but it's the only way to have real equity at this stage in life if you've sacrificed earlier on for childcare.

Very odd you are so resentful when he has done his time, nevertheless you do need to talk about your retirement and what shared goals you have and how it will be funded. The average life expectancy in UK is 80. By 70 the majority of people are living with a significant health problem - so 60-70 is prime time ! If you are planning on going exploring maybe leaving it till your 60 is too late, for him anyway.

Do you like your job? If you do, I don't see any problem. Your husband can do some jobs around the house, shopping and the like, on some days now he is retired.

It sounds OK to me.

@MrsPuddle I know you have dismissed a poster for saying similar to what I am going to say but bear with me.

My first response is fuck that, either we are a couple or not. Make it crystal clear he will be paying for carers if he needs them as you will be enjoying your retirement.

I’m going to be practical and give the advice I always give on these threads.

• State Pension - check your entitlement https://www.gov.uk/check-state-pension. You can always pay c£900 a year for any years you are short, but make sure you will get a full state pension.
• works and private pensions - get up to date statements, you should have annual statements. Make sure you understand your entitlement at age 60 and if you go early. Do projections to age 80 as this often shows taking a lower pension (actuarily reduced) for more years = the same as a higher pension for less years.
• work out your current joint expenditure now and when you retire. Include Christmas presents, annual insurance etc. but adjust for changes e.g. commuting costs reduce but petrol increases. This helps you work out what you can jointly afford. In your shoes I would also cost out what my retirement costs would be if I lived alone.
• Use a gross to net calculator https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/tax-calculator/ to work out your net pay a) going part time b) pension. Remember you don’t pay NI or pension contributions out of pension income. Also remember when you go part time you lose the income that has the most deductions.
• Phase your retirement by going part time e.g. stop working Wednesdays. This is a day for you to do what you want to do e.g. go to a class, day trips, cinema etc. Do not let your husband suggest you do the cleaning or chores or something together be clear this is your day,
• Once you have the finances all sorted go to 3 days, I did Mon, Thur, Fri. This phasing in means you gradually start your retired life so the change is not so great.
• Have a deadline when to fully retire and book a holiday in advance so you have a clear timeline.

A lot of people on here don't seem to like their friends much tbh. Perhaps that's why 😅

well it doesn't sound like you are......

oh its ok if you are female.....

oh this for sure! I mean hindsight is a marvellous thing. I am saying this not for the OP but for anyone else who reads this who needs to hear it. TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE AND AGREE PLANS. If you can't agree plans then should you be together? I don't understand why "his" pension feels more like his than "his" salary? Or have you never shared? I really don't think that the "tighten our belts so I can retire early" sounds fair either. Not sure about the "can't do this" I mean if you were single or partnered with a younger man, you'd have had to!...but yes there are things you can do and they start with shock horror calm discussion. Did you both work full time before he retired? How was the housework shared? does he ever want to do stuff with you? I mean I am assuming you don't work 24/7? How long has he been retired for? Its pretty common to kick over the traces for the first few weeks/months after retiring. But for goodness sake talk and talk calmly.

Why is MN so against jollies with friends?😂

My dh is almost 70 and semi retired. I'm mid 50s and pt. Even if he was fully retired he wouldn't want to go on jollys with friends. He does most of our cooking, lots of housework etc.

Does your dh pull his weight around the home?

It doesn't sound very balanced to me.

What is it that you're so desperate to do in retirement that you can't do now? You can still go on the nice holidays, for example. Probably much nicer ones than if you'd stopped working and had no income.

Remember, retirement is an everyday thing, not a now and then thing. Once you're out of the workforce, at your age it would be very difficult to get back in if you got bored and changed your mind.

Work keeps you busy, gives you a reason to get up and showered in the morning, gives you opportunities to talk to other people, to keep your brain active and to feel like a useful and functional member of society. Once retired, one sort of diminishes in those respects. So, think carefully before giving all that up too soon.

Having said all that, if you do have some definite plans for what you want to spend your time doing day to day and you won't just be drifting, then go for it.

Why should you manage to retire early if he didn’t?

You are a partnership - I would expect a partner ways to spend quality time with the other partner and rather than you work 10 more years he would work a bit longer and you would work a bit shorter. Ie three years more each or whatever.

I would agree with this. My DH is 8 years older than me, we were both in our thirties when we met. He had savings, I had none. Now I earn more than he does, but his savings have given us security when it was crucial and enabled us to buy a property.
I have thought about what our life will be like when he retires (at retirement age or early). Knowing him, he will take over the housework and cooking, while I'll still do food shopping. I hope we'll both be healthy enough for this to come true, I've known too many people not be able to retire in good health.

@EllyGi

I see as usual a bunch of nasty realistic and honest responses.

Fixed that for you. You're welcome.

I have sympathy. Slightly different in that my DH is likely to want to work longer than I do, but same feeling that his pension seems more 'his' than 'ours'. if I work longer I'll have a bigger pension to put in the pot I get that, but he actually likes working, and also my family history means I'm unlikely to have a long healthy retirement. Mine pop their clogs in their early 70s.

His family are mostly still very active and healthy into their late 80s!

Dropping a day a week might be a good compromise.

I’m older than DH. I retired slightly early with a reasonable pension but still work part time. I will continue to do so until State Pension age. I earn more than him with my combined pension and salary. As a result of this, he has been able to reduce his hours, initially dropping 1 full day and more recently reducing the number of hours he works each day. He will likely continue with this work pattern until he reaches his state pension age.
I do the bulk of the domestic stuff now, but he still does all the laundry!!!

I see as usual a bunch of nasty responses.

My dad was older than my mom. She retired 1 year after him 8 years earlier than he did.

They had a few years of travelling and being together and very happy.

Retire and enjoy your life if you can afford it. You will regret it if you keep working.

Count your blessings. Retirement at 60 is living the dream, except that future generations won't even be able to dream of it.