for being upset as my dh has retired early (at 60) and expects me to keep working until 60 too, even though he is 10 years older than me

How do you see the rest of your life playing out op? If you could afford to retire on your husband's pension what would you do all day? Do you want more holidays? Is there something you love doing that you could work at flexibly or part time? Do you want to spend all your time with your husband or do you benefit from having separate interests? I think you need to have a very hard think about what kind of life you both actually want.

So if he was made redundant rather than retire, how did he get his pension?

I agree though that if you could manage you should retire or go part time.

What would belt tightening actually look like?

Cutting back on luxuries or necessities?

Both parties are equally responsible for not discussing this. It doesn't mean the DH's suggested plan is the default.

Gosh @MrsPuddle he sounds mean 😕 It'd be different if retirement was out of the question financially, but it sounds as though he just isn't willing to make any compromise - regardless of how you feel. I've no idea how you'll go about solving the issue?

I'm a good few years younger than you, and I gave up the daily grind a few years ago with my husband's blessing (we live comfortably on his salary). My husband and I have both made sacrifices for each other over the years - I was chief cook and bottle washer when our daughter was young and my DH was studying and doing unsociable hours/on call shifts. As you say, marriage is about being a team.

In your position, I'd find your husband's attitude really quite cruel ☹️

But prudent long-range financial planning does consider numerous scenarios, such as redundancy, disability, divorce, illness, economic downturn, etc. - these things are not unexpected; they happen in many lifetimes.

As a pp suggested, women live a lot longer than men. If you were to retire now, can your pension sustain you for 40 years?

It sounds as though neither of you can actually afford to retire, if all of the above scenarios aren't covered. Your husband could pick up some sort of work for wages.

On one level it's really positive that your husband is enjoying his retirement, that he has friends and hobbies, and goes away.

What I found tricky at first when my husband - who's older than me - retired is just that he was around a lot. Not watching daytime TV all the time, but it took a while for him to sort out a new life for himself after a very busy professional career.

So I'd be glad he was happy and busy. But I agree with everyone who said he should be doing more of the chores, cooking etc to support you. And perhaps you should also start developing interests for whenever you do retire. (I don't think retirement is just about doing stuff as a couple. I think it's also about developing your own independent interests.)

I can understand how you feel.
DH and I planned to retire at the same time, 62 for him and 60 for me but, like your husband, he was made redundant at 61 and for various reasons in my workplace I felt I had to stay to help through a crisis so worked a bit longer than planned. My pension is still very little compared to his, even after those extra years, as my career took the knock from part-time work, mat leaves, etc but we both see it as a partnership
One of my old friends has a husband 12 years older than her and she retired in her early-50s so they could spend time together and travel as they both worried his health might not last until she retired if she waited till 60

YABU - Do your time. he has done his.

Quite. Let's mock people who communicate and plan...

lol, if you say so, but you're the one who's miserable and pissed off, not me.

It feels like you hate your job. Could you get a much less pressured part time job, just like light admin work or something?
Most people would think retiring at 60 was quite a luxury. You DH can't force you not to retire, but if he's not supportive financially to fill in the gaps could you be frugal yourself, while he spends his own money on him? Not saying he'd be that mean but it feels like if he was still working you'd be less bothered by your own situation. Which isn't that great of a reason.

I'm going against the grain here. We've discussed retirement, long way off for us but DH is older by 5 years. The general consensus is once there is enough in the our private pensions then we'll retire. It's irrelevant to us what age we both are. We deem our pensions as a shared income for us to enjoy together. That might mean I end up retiring earlier than him age wise but he's happy with that. He reiterates often that my pension and salary have taken the hit whilst bringing up the kids so he's happy to ensure he can invest his pension well enough to support our income during retirement.

I would probably take up temporary paid employment or voluntary work from time to time anyway because I can't sit still so it wouldn't be like I'd be leeching his pension.

You may not have been able to predict his redundancy, but you knew he was 10 years older than you so would be retiring a decade before you.

You should have talked about how retirement would pan out years ago. DH and I have another two decades to go but we've already started discussing retirement and how it'll look for us.

Can you spend the next 5 years putting in additional contributions to your pension? That may make it feel better. Also, women live longer than men, so being blunt, you may have a good few years to go off on jollies on your own without him. My MIL was devoted to her DH but frankly, she got a new lease of life after he died.

I completely get it @MrsPuddle iys not the age thing and years worked it’s you and him are on the same timeline now. He is relaxing and holiday song and you are working. Any income is surely shared money like it has been through marriage.

If he’s not working than as if when you were on maternity or a SAHM then he should be doing all the housework/cooking etc.

But it sounds like you want to enjoy life with him now and not when he’s 70 and that’s far enough!

My husband has just taken early retirement due to ill health. I am still working but I'm 4 years younger. I want to work until I'm 60 hut will i hope to reduce hours soon as we need to enjoy our time together when he is well enough to do so. I definitely advocate part time work, noone knows what's around the corner and his health now takes priority over finances 100%

If I was in this situation I'd already be swanning off with mates any time I had the chance.
Give him a taste of what would happen when I retired. If he can do it,so can I.

FWIW there is 4 years between me and DP, but he likely wont retire til he gets too ill or old to carry on. It's the way he is. He could never fully give up work. On current estimates I'll be 67, so I'm socking money away in an attempt to retire sooner.

This is why, at almost 50, I’m reluctant to start a relationship with anyone more than a couple of years older than me.
I desperately want to retire early but it wo t happen for me, and a decade or more of graft while my partner is enjoying their well earned retirement, just wouldn’t work for me.

He has screwed her.

It's a bit late for that if they are already married, unless you are advocating divorcing him for a younger model?

He has already had the benefit of a wife who rearranged her career to take care of the young family while his career suffered not at all as a result of family responsibilities.

He has had a free run at a career while she has effectively contributed to his nice big pension by setting hers aside for the benefit of the family.

This "ten years older / more time spent at work equals entitlement" argument conveniently forgets the woman whose sacrifice made his career progression possible. The sacrifice and facilitation of family life on her part has apparently been invisible to her husband too.

It should have been discussed decades ago when she agreed to take a poorer paid job that was family friendly, supported his career.
She has clearly stated her choice to change job was to support the family and his career benefited from that.
This is a long term relationship.
It is utterly disgusting IMO at this stage, decades later it is a yours and mine situation with his pension.
Women are constantly caught on this score when divorcing, but it is particularly ugly to see it with a living marriage.
She took the hit for the family years ago.
All pensions should be shared or pension contributions paid in her name.