for being upset as my dh has retired early (at 60) and expects me to keep working until 60 too, even though he is 10 years older than me

He will also presumably get his full state pension in 2 years which will be around £10k-12K then.

Is that not something you have put into the calculations about your future?

I cant believe how many posters keep saying that we should have planned for this ages ago. How exactly? you cannot predict the future, you can only make ma stab at it.

We both worked full time all our lives and then paid off the mortgage, then dh
got made redundant. at 60. You cant plan for that, and you cannot know how you are going to feel when dh has been retired 5 years and you havent.

But @MrsPuddle these are TWO very different tings.

The first is his redundancy (which you've thrown in very late in your thread.)
No that wasn't predictable.

But he was 60 then! Most couples discuss pensions and retirement long before 60.

The second is that he wasted 5 years from 60 to 65 with no work. So he didn't retire at 65.

He stopped work at 60 and never went back (ie found another job.) And his pension kicked in. I assume this is an occupational pension and he will be eligible for the state pension at 67.

During those 5 years from 60-65, where were the conversations between you about 'what next'?

Did you never ask him why he wasn't looking for work?
If he intended ever to work again?

I can't believe that for 5 years you were in some kind of la-la land, thinking that as he got closer to 65 he'd find work. It was surely obvious that when his pension was available at 65, he'd take it.

Surely you could see that?

Just in case anyone missed this nugget of information that totally changes the situation:

MrsPuddle · Today 18:15

Theres no pension, we live off my income. But last month he hit 65 and now has a pension. Its not big, hence the belt tightening if I stop.

Well@MrsPuddle , I really think you needed to share this with us in your OP:
Your husband has not been "retired" for five years - he's been unemployed and living off your wages! (More questions: did he get a redundancy payment? What did he do with it? Did you use it to live off? Why did he not sign on or look for part time work?.........)

So actually, since he hit 65 your financial situation has improved slightly as his pension supplements your income, but in fact you have proved that you can live on less because you have done so successfully for the past five years.

You need to do some serious calculations which factor in how much extra pension you would get by continuing to work, and at what age you can afford to retire, and take into account the fact that you have supported your husband financially for five whole years, so if the figures show that you can afford to stop work at a younger age than he did, he can't claim that it's not fair.
Only then will you know if YABU to want to stop work at 55.

No, he was made redundant and is living off her income. As we have now been told. Lots of other stuff hasn't been divulged such as division of housework, weekends away or not..

Blimey that’s some drip feed. Mr “Lads Holidays” has been sponging for five years, could he not have taken a supermarket job or something? I bet you do the bulk of the domestic stuff too. He’s been playing you like a fiddle. And ten years from now he’ll be an old man with even less to offer but he’ll be expecting plenty.

I cant believe how many posters keep saying that we should have planned for this ages ago. How exactly? you cannot predict the future, you can only make ma stab at it.

Oh come on!
Most couples set out some retirement plans long before they stop work.

Saying you can't predict the future has nothing to do with this.

You both had years to discuss when he wanted to stop work, and when you did.

Did he really say 'Look, Mrs Puddle, I'm leaving work on X date.'
When- a month before he stopped work?

Surely you discussed this as a couple long in advance of his retirement?

It sounds as if not retiring is the least of your issues- divorce may be more what you need!

This changes things - if he's been happily unemployed, living off your paycheck and refusing to get a job then that's not acceptable. Have you not discussed this during the 5 years he's been unemployed? That's a really long time to be unemployed for without getting any kind of job at all, was he not trying for one?

@@MrsPuddle did your husband get a redundancy payout? Would that enable you to drop your hours to have more time with DH? Assuming if he did he isn’t just keeping it for himself.

No, but when that happened you would have discussed next steps. Your dh decided to retire? You agreed? It's fair to point out it doesn't sound like you thought it through. If you post on the forum you're going to get comments and advice of all sorts, blunt, nice, whatever. No point in arguing or mocking. Sounds like a lot of people here have planned and discussed future plans. You didn't, but should have.
FWIW, I think your dh needs to go back to work in some fashion, you need to seriously plan your own retirement and you need to be honest with him about how you feel.

Yeah that's a huge drip feed. So he was unemployed with no income for 5 years. Did he try and get a job? Even if it wasn't in his own field, there's lots of jobs he could've done.
I'd be pissed off subsidising him for 5 years (unless for medical/ disability reasons).

Did he try to find work after being made redundant?

I think you have been a bit disingenuous OP. There are pages and pages of posts that believe your husband chose to retire early and is off living his best life with a large pension, but you are now saying he was made redundant and spent the last 5 years living off your wage. I think the replies would have been very different if you had said this originally.
My DH is older than me and was made redundant some years ago but he took a part time job doing something completely different to his trade. I earned more than him so i was happy to support that and I pay all our household/car expenses, however, he does all the housework and washing and cooking and that suits me.
Even though I still work, we manage to find time to spend together and have holidays together.
I hope your DH pulls his weight around the house

I think 55 is too early to retire( not unless you are wealthy/ and/or have sufficient pension provision). Your husband has every right to enjoy his retirement, hopefully you can join him in 5 years time. As hard as it is, please try and adjust your mindset to find enjoyment in your work. Otherwise, you will become increasingly unhappy and resentful. You can have a happy social life and work too!

Well I've been an changed my vote.

As he didn't retire, he just decided to sponge off of you. Time to do what you should've done when he started that shit, and set yourself free from him.

I can 100%see why you feel like this it natural to be jealous and envious

but it’s not unreasonable for you to work to the same age as your husband did

So you made sacrifices for the family which has made his pension pot a lot more than yours. It seems you’ve been together a very long time so there should t be an imbalance in your lives. I don’t think retiring at 55 is unreasonable seeing as he’s been retired for 5 years already and enjoying the life of Riley. If he genuinely cared for you he would want you to be enjoying it with him. If you divorced you’d be entitled to half of his pension so maybe put that to him haha

So are you still paying all the bills & he's spending his pension on himself?

I'd advise anyone in a couple planning their retirement to calculate not only if they can live on their joint pensions but also to work out what each would get when one of them dies, and if that would be enough for them to live alone.

So many couples have one person with a much bigger pension than the other and if that person is the first to die it leaves the widowed one in a difficult position.

But she will potentially give up many years of her early retirement to caring, then she may have the extra 4 years too late to do the same travelling as she could well need caring for.

You've already been supporting him for the last 5 years. If there's 10 years between you, I think stopping 5 years before him seems like a fair compromise. Probably finding something part time, and/or something more enjoyable would be an even better solution.

I would be upset if my husband didn't want to spend the healthiest years of his retirement with me. Statistically you're the one more likely to end up doing some caring for him. It would be really miserable if you slogged another 5 years through a job you hate, only to retire and move straight onto caring for a now ailing husband. (I understand that 70 is not exactly elderly! He may well have another 20 fairly healthy years. But he may not. What is certain is that you're both in a place right now where you could enjoy spending time together)

Well, it's not great, is it?

Is he doing his fair share at home? If not, he should be and more, now that he's retired.

It doesn't sound like you're a team. It doesn't sound like he's given much thought for you still working while he's off enjoying himself.

I'd pull right back on the wifework and cooking.

He hasn’t been putting money in for 5 years! He chose to be unemployed for the past five years until his pension kicked in.

Massive dripfeed. Such a confusing thread.

He hasn't been retired, he has been unemployed for 5 years whilst living off the OP.