for being upset as my dh has retired early (at 60) and expects me to keep working until 60 too, even though he is 10 years older than me

Is it possible for you to go part time for the 5 years then retire, then it won't be such a financial impact on you both? If not the just retire and enjoy your time together if that's what you really want and can afford too.

Surely you knew at some point this day would come given that he is 10 years older than you? This obviously didn't come as a shock to you that you'd need to work on after he retired ?

Tell you DH to take responsibility for filling his own days. Job, volunteering or hobby.

OP it is most strategic for you to keep working, lean in, get promotions, maximise your income while you’re in your 40s

If your pension is really small then you shouldn't retire. It's all very well saying if we tighten our belts we will survive, 25 years with prices doing nothing but rising is a very long time to try and survive.

You could claim your pension and then go part time but even that I wouldn't recommend you need all the years you can get to build up the pension. You could still drop a day though.

Totally agree, our money has always been 'our' money. Never 'his' or 'mine'. We make financial decisions together. I find it very odd when couples call it 'his' or 'my' money, but I guess everyone has their own way that works for them

Some people don't earn more than £30k a year.

I know people who got a year or more in salary, tax free.

You can only get £30k tax free in redundancy money. The rest is taxable.

@StormingNorman Can't you see that her posts are from only her perspective.

I've read all her posts. And I believe she's being very selective with what she said. She won't say if he got a pay-out, for instance and it's clear that she only wanted posts that agreed with her.

No one gets made redundant without some kind of package at 60, assuming he'd been working for some time.
I know people who got a year or more in salary, tax free.

And I strongly disagree with the very notion that in marriage one person 'lives off' the other. That's not a marriage.

You're losing sight of her question which is why can't she retire now.

She can. She says they can manage financially.

Retire now, OP!

For those saying "oh, but you should have financially planned for the disparity in your ages" and "he's done his time, you'll just have to carry on until 60 like him, that's only fair" etc etc.....that's just nonsense.

On that basis then the DH should also have financially planned for all the extra costs he'll personally have when he's, say 75 and OP is 65, right?

Need a carer whilst you're recovering from that new hip when you turn 72, DH? Sorry, you'll just have to sort out and finance a care package as (as a 62 year old youngster 😜) will be off on my girls' holiday (you know, like the ones you had between 60-65 years of age), only fair, yeah?

Oh and there won't be many foreign holidays for us as a couple DH as now you're over 70 your travel insurance premium will be prohibitive (for you, not me!)

and so on and so on....

The point is that when you marry someone you become a couple and a team and you want the best for each other. So of course OP will look after DH when he's very old even though (in all likelihood) he won't be doing the same for her.

OP, you've financially supported your husband for the last 5 years and he's (deservedly) enjoyed his retirement but now he has his private pension and the means to support you both (even with a bit of belt tightening) he should be very happy to do so and release you from a job that you are simply not enjoying.

Also, his state pension should kick in at 66 (I think!) - that'll help too surely?

OP did say that they lived off her income until his small pension kicked in.

I definitely think you should retire early OP. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

This thread prompted me to chat with my husband about retirement as he's older than me. I hadn't thought about it before & I imagine that's completely normal. He said he'd just assumed I'd retire early so we could enjoy the best years together and that's what he's been planning for.

Re-read the OP’s posts. Everything I have said is in there.

@StormingNorman sorry to disagree with you.

Here, the H has been made redundant. We have no idea if he tried to get new employment at 60. OP hasn't said even when asked. Or if his redundancy package covered a lot of their outgoings. So you simply can't say she's been supporting him. And 'supporting' someone as if it's a kind of 'benefit' or financial transaction in marriage is a very odd idea.

With a 10 year age gap he was ALWAYS going to retire sooner, (ignoring the redundancy issue) so if the notion of her 'supporting him' was likely, why was it not discussed?

The issue here is they don't communicate. Or plan ahead.

And when the OP is challenged and asked questions to fill in the blanks, she disappears.

Your spleen is being vented in the wrong direction. OP has been supporting her husband for the past five years. He retired when he was made redundant but his pension has only just kicked in. Her work, wherever it is and however much she dislikes it, has been supporting both of them.

It's all very odd.

If you're married to someone 10 years older, you're never going to catch them up age-wise and pension-wise.

You took on a new job at 54 when your H was already not working ( 4 years into his redundancy) so did he tell you then that you HAD to find a job?

It's odd that you left the security of a teaching job at 54 for one you hate now.

I think you left teaching with the intention of never working and being retired like him, and he protested, so you took the job you have now.

It's a marriage issue not just a money one.

Have you drawn up a full budget for him- sometimes figures are easier to digest because it takes the emotion out of it. ‘Tighten out belts’ could mean anything from dropping 1 of 3 holidays a year to eating beans every meal. Also, have you considered a half way option- doing an extreme tight budget for a year or so whilst you are still working to save up an extra free buffer?

This is weird.

he should be spending his pension time with you, there is no way we aren’t retiring at the same time!

lads holidays???!!!

To add, having told my DH about this post he said turn it round, you are 65 and retired and your DH is 55 , would it be OK for him to retire and you tighten your belt to enable him to do so lol

I voted YABU As I thought well it's way it is , you expect a partner who is older to retire sooner, there is 15 years between me and my husband, He has now retired, though still does a bit of work to help a friend out . But I am still happy working though due to certain circumstances am having couple of months off which has been great, I have only been with my husband 8 years so slightly different situation to you. I do think though as you have been with your husband a lot longer I that you would have a plan in action so you could do something together. Maybe you could have a month off each year to enjoy a really nice holiday/go travelling I am guessing this is more because you have to work while he is now enjoying the fruits of his labour and having fun ,

Why are you not doing what is best for you?

I think the whole thing is about far more than money. He doesn't seem to want to spend time with his wife and is maybe using the 'we need the money so you need to work' as an excuse. And meanwhile he's off with the lads on holidays.

How good is their marriage? That's the real issue.

Her H could have got a very generous redundancy sum - we don't know. They are tax free and if he got 2 or 3 years of salary (tax free) that could be a lot.

Coming back to mine and other posters' original posts, it's really unbelievable that a couple with a 10 year age gap never sat down 10 years or more ago and discussed their finances OR employed a financial advisor to give them advice.

As I said, he may be angry that the OP gave up a good job at 54 and is (perhaps) earning a lot less and this is his way of punishing her.

It's really couples' counselling they need not a forum.
They sound worlds apart in their plans for the next few years.

Best guess is that OP's husband was made redundant at 60, and was unemployed and a househusband taing care of housework for five years.
That is challenging and men are very bad in the UK at keeping their marriage going when they are long term unemployed (women are very good at it in those circumstances).
It is understandable that the OP has some resentment.

I did read the posts @SwingingPonytail . Op doesn't say if there was a redundancy payment but it seems unlikely it was enough to live on for 5 years.

And yes it's an odd way for a married couple to behave but previous posters have been giving the op a kicking about 'expecting to live off his pension' but then now not acknowledging that he's probably lived off op salary. How is that any different?

It's telling that you've come to ask strangers about this (but only given a one-sided view) and not said what's happened when you've talked to him about it.

Does he not want to spend time with you?

I wondered the same thing. As always with financial issues in a relationship, it's not just about the money.

I’m 61 and DH is 9 years older than me. He went down to 3 days a week about 3 years ago. With both of us WFH during COVID we managed to save a healthy (but not excessive) amount and we both have pensions which again are not huge.

We had a discussion at Xmas of that year and he said he intended to give up the following summer. He said it was entirely up to me what I wanted to do, whether I wanted to keep working or not but he’d worked out that we would have enough to live on for a couple of years before he had to start drawing on his pension leaving mine intact until I got my State Pension. He also said that because of the age gap it would be lovely to have some time together doing what we wanted to whilst he was still fit and able to. As I was quite unhappy and disillusioned with my job I decided to give up at the same time he did. In fact we flew out on holiday the day after we both left our respective jobs.

I’d be lying if I said it was easy. Being with him isn’t the problem, but I do continually worry about running out of money and have been thinking I might try and find something part time just to boost the coffers.

As for any package - OP said they have been living off her income so if there was a package its long since gone on his lads lifestyle. He has her well trained though after 25-30 years - she even struggles to think of his pension as "their" income which it is whilst he has no trouble living off her income.

You don't know this - about the package and the 'lads lifestyle'.

There is another side to this which she's not saying here but she's posted about before. Those posts suggest she gave up a well paid job from boredom so it's unclear if he was angry over that and feels she let them down (and therefore has to keep working now.)