AIBU to not agree to 50/50 custody?

This well said totally agree.

Look at the child's needs and not the bank balance that you won't get if it's 50/50.

100% agree with this but it's mums net dad's don't have any rights on here.

This 👏👏👏

Of all the kids I’ve known personally oner the years - most are teenagers/adults now are well adjusted and doing well.

To be fair that’s because in the scenarios that I know of, all of the parents get on and are more than amicable. I think if there is resentment there and the parents don’t get on then the kids will feel it and it won’t be as easy.

It sounds as though he's realised he won't have to pay child support that way. No way should a nine month old baby be split between two houses.

Without fail, all the very young children I have known in the primary schools I've taught in have struggled mightily when they were subjected to 50/50
And you'll find many research telling you exactly the opposite.

Suggest you have Saturday Sunday and Monday and let him take care of paying for 4 days of childcare. He will soon change his tune
I really despair reading threads like this.

How do women expect men to be more open to sex equality when so many still think that when it comes to children, women are better raising them and should have more right on the basis of their sex.

There are many dads who are just as capable looking after and bringing up their children from birth. It's not just a woman's gift.

I see it around me a lot, men wanting to be involved as much as their partner or as much as they can around their work duties and doing so just fine.

Even my dad, 50 years ago was naturally very nurturing, more than my mum in many ways and was perfectly capable of looking after me as well as my mum.

It's more than time to break the stereotypes associated with women but with men too. Shame on many posters to show such biased when it suits their narrative.

Without fail, all the very young children I have known in the primary schools I've taught in have struggled mightily when they were subjected to 50/50. They were quite stressed by it.

I think it’s only common on here because dad's next wife/gf is more likely to post on here and she’s the one doing the parenting while dad goes to work as he always did.

Of course he didn’t, OP was on maternity leave. What do you think maternity leave is for.

that said I think it’s difficult once a parent (usually dad) disengages it’s hard to get them to re-engage with their children so unless you’re exclusively breastfeeding (which I’m assuming isn’t the case for a 9-12 month old) it actually might be better in the long run for the child to be 50:50 with each parent. Especially if the dad is staying in the house then that will make any transition easier the more thine they spend there.

given the opportunity anyone can get a child to settle. Children learn very quickly to nap at nursery or with other carers. They expect different bedtime / naptime routines off different people very quickly.

big hugs to OP for what will be a tricky transition for her I’m sure.

If 50/50 doesn't work you could always alter it. Its not ideal to be chopping and changing but its also really difficult to guess what will suit and things will be fluid with regard to your jobs and what is best for your little one. From your OP your ex has him three days in the original proposal (albeit a good portion of 2 days is nursery) so its not a million miles away for 50/50 as it is in terms of day to day care. Xx 30 mins travel though is something to factor in at a young age after a long day at nursery it's potentially better to stay at the house of whichever parent collects them from nursery rather than switch in the evening xx

Ok so what if the dad wanted to be the main carer? If you don’t think 50:50 is fair? I assume you’d have an issue with that?!

Having a relationship with two loving parents is always better for the child.

That is hilarious. A decent dad will do what is best no or the child.

I doubt he will get 50/50. But think long term too. Dont give him all the weekend. Dont take all the weekend. Be ready to suggest a 50/50 split that will work best for a baby, not the adult.

I agree with that but it’s most likely because the dads are shit and aren’t capable of 50:50 or don’t want it.

It’s the descent dads that will push for it as they want to spend as much time with their DC.

It's not about his rights. It's about what's best for the baby.

A court will go for equal custody if both parents are able.

Please evidence this.

This.

I also dont think it's as common as some posters on here would have you believe.

The baby is too young . He could be breastfeeding. Let the courts decide

Suggest you have Saturday Sunday and Monday and let him take care of paying for 4 days of childcare. He will soon change his tune.

OP it might be worth revisiting where you both live. If it's possible to bring things back to a civilised conversation at this point, it may be worth trying to be as close geographically to each other as you can, whether that means you getting a smaller place near him, or both of you moving. That way 50/50 when it happens will be easier on your son (and on you all) and he can have more of a say in where he sleeps as he gets older. And your offer to pop in and visit when he wants might hold more water with him.

Are you breastfeeding, OP? If so, that's the only thing that could work in your favour.

However, you say your son only settles for you at night, but the original plan was for your ex to do 2 nights a week, so your son will have to learn to settle for him, anyway.

Also, do you and your ex each work a day at the weekend? If not, you don't both work full time, you both work part-time, since you each have a day off during the week. Not necessarily relevant, but it shows you've each changed your working patterns to spend time with your son, which suggests that, now your maternity leave has finished, you spend equal amounts of time with your son, and so it makes sense to have equal custody.

I know of several couples thy have been to court and 50:50 was always the starting point. It might have ended up 60:40 but that’s was due to logistics/working patterns.

Unless there is abuse etc then there it’s very much a starting point.

Unless he took extra paternity leave or it was shared leave then it's correct to go on the basis you had 9 months maternity that you are the main carer for your shared 9 month old baby, that's just the reality.

I think I read somewhere that children can cope with being away from their main carer a day for a year so at 9 months I do not think 50/50 is in his best interests.

2 nights maximum at 9 months old with dad And even then I feel like that's pushing it tbh.

The split he has proposed is too fractured either way, even for an older child it's too much and only suits dad, no though to the child.

I would talk to a solicitor and see what they advise.

I don't envy you.

I also can’t ever see how 50/50 is in a child’s best interest, at any age really, I’d hate to do it as an adult. Though obviously the younger the child the more unsettled they’re likely to be- I’m not necessarily sure it suddenly gets better aged 2 or 3 though. I think you’re right to push back on it OP.

@clearskies24 at last someone talking sense! 9 months is far to young to go 50/50!