Friend bought doubles when I asked for singles

I'd have assumed you were doing it to make it cheaper and got you doubles too without a second thought tbh

I think it’s not on but also not something to end a friendship over. Just explain why you were limiting your intake and that she has upset you by not taking your request at face value. For what it’s worth - British measures are so stingy. Many other countries ‘free pour’ so you can have such strong drinks you‘ll wobble after two! My point is just that two measures of diluted rum really isn’t so much as to think she was trying to get you drunk against your wishes. She probably was just being generous in a misguided way.

She probably wanted you to get as drunk/merry as her and thought you needed a sneaky helping hand to loosen up. This is the type of irresponsible behaviour associated with young teens/20s (I had a lot of pressure from my peers around that age to 'drink up', and suffered major hangovers on a regular basis as a result), but I wouldn't expect it from someone older/maturer - maybe she has a drink problem and wanted to mask this by getting you so drunk so she wouldn't be drunk alone? She said she thought you were asking for singles to save money, but after paying for both your meals that argument doesn't really stand up, why would you have paid for both of you if you didn't have much money?

Think, if you want to see her again socially, you have to ask her why she did that as it's very juvenile and potentially dangerous behaviour - she might then get the message of how inappropriate her behaviour was, may even make her think twice before she does it again to anyone else.

As well as being potentially dangerous for all the reasons mentioned upthread, it's also flipping annoying to be overruled about what you want to do. My Mum has got form for this sort of thing (not spiking drinks though!) and it is bloody annoying.

@Waterloooo

If I’m buying for someone and the server asks “small or large?”, I always go with large out of a sense of generosity (and not wanting to seem stingy).

I do the same unless someone specifically tells me they want a small and I follow their wishes - which is the right thing to do.

Surely pacing yourself means reacting to how you feel in the moment. So if after two doubles you felt like you were drunk enough, surely you would switch to soft drinks at that time? Five doubles is a lot - surely you felt like you’d just had 10 singles?

It didn't work like that for me. After a double, when your brain is telling you that you've had a single, you might think "well that went straight to my head" if you think about it at all. After a couple of drinks, reasoning does out the window. You aren't exactly at your sharpest when you are drunk.

I was OK as I had someone to look after me and take me home. If I had to make my own way I could have been in trouble.

Yeah, etiquette would be to mention it and say I got doubles because it’s not that much more expensive and we want a good time etc..

Precipice · 29/05/2024 10:45
She sounds well-intentioned

What’s well-intentioned about trying to make someone drunk without their consent. It’s like spiking.

No it's not OK, even if it was done for the best of intentions. This happened to me on my hen night - my pals had obviously all decided to get me a double every round and I also commented on the strength which was brushed off. I was very ill the next day and eventually one of my pals confessed that I'd been drinking doubles. They thought they were doing something nice for me on my hen night but it's dangerous and misguided. Obviously some people haven't learned this over the last fifty years!

If I’m buying for someone and the server asks “small or large?”, I always go with large out of a sense of generosity (and not wanting to seem stingy).

Surely pacing yourself means reacting to how you feel in the moment. So if after two doubles you felt like you were drunk enough, surely you would switch to soft drinks at that time? Five doubles is a lot - surely you felt like you’d just had 10 singles?

I couldn’t get worked up about it.

A "friend" did this to me a few tears ago. Wondered why I felt incredibly drunk...double G&Ts being bought all night... Felt terrible. Always asked for more tonic than gin please! Anxiety went through the roof. Now teetotal.

Really. It’s got nothing to do with the taste, it’s the affect of drinking double the amount of alcohol that she thought she was having. So wrong.

I've been close to it and have seen people get Alcohol poisoning this way. You know you can tolerate X number of units so only order that number of drinks. Having doubles leaves you very vulnerable.

I had a friend who thought I was drinking diet coke so was pouring in double vodkas. Unfortunately I was drinking Vodka and Diet Cokes so essentially have three units instead of one per drink. (They were ordering doubles and pouring them in my drink). I was not well and they ceased being my friend after that (and pretty much everyone who was there).

Very irresponsible behaviour. Is she a person who drinks too much and wants a drinking buddy to assuage any guilt or discomfort she might feel? I’m not saying I sympathise. My DD has a friend like this. She always tries to get DD to join her in drinking too much.

@TessTimoney

Did you mean to quote me?
Just asking because your comment seems to be directed at OP and not really related to what I said.

She probably wanted to spend as much as you did on the meal to be fair. However, when you commented on the strength of the rum she should have told you it was a double. This would have allowed you to insist on singles and a to say why it was important that she abide by your wishes.

This has happened to me but I’ve asked straight away if they got me a double instead and not left them responsible to get my drinks after that.

She was in the wrong, but then you also need to listen to your own instincts, as you found it stronger and felt the effects more than expected.

It’s spiking so YANBU

I would go easy on her. It sounds from what she told you that she did not have bad intentions, just thought you were trying to spare her expense.

i Don’t think I’d let this ruin my friendship after this one occassion. I agree with other pp that her actions weren’t ok, but sounds like she was well intentioned. I think I’d handle it by next time when you go out clearly explain why you only want singles and kindly drop in a few comments about why it’s no ok to sneak more alcohol into peoples drinks.

Agree. I'm shocked at how many of you think it's okay.

How old is she? I think when I was really young I would have just thought I’d was being generous if I’d have done that, though five times in a row is a bit much! It’s only now I’m older I can see this really isn’t an ok thing to do.

There’s a big difference between 5 measures and 10….

Yeah that's not ok.

A friend did that to me years ago and it really annoyed me. Got drunker than I intended to which isn't right for someone else to decide for you.

I suppose the issue is you were there so long and you raised the strength. Unless someone was driving or otherwise, I'd not think much about it myself.

I remember being told by someone senior where I worked that it was bad manners (ie. skinflint tight fisted) to buy someone a single of 'measure' drinks if you were buying the drinks and they asked for a G&T type drink. I think that is where no measure is specified though by the asker.

I've not read the thread and it seems a bit odd if you were specifying single for a reason and she ws ignoring it. On the other hand, is it possible she was adopting that approach of it's a bit tightfisted to buy a single?

In my experience when I was drinking (with abandon, very sober now) I wouldn’t have noticed the difference between a single and a double AFTER the first drink.
I can understand OPs point of view.
There was something in her glass she wasn't aware of. That had the capability to render her completely vulnerable.
Her friend is a dick.