Husband didn’t get promotion and blames me

I echo some PP, one interview would not cancel out years of work. If how he handles disappointment is giving you the silent treatment and not being able to communicate properly, those traits are likely what can be seen at work.

Your poor DH. Of course it’s not your fault. He must feel like a bag of shit after all that time and effort just to be kicked in the teeth. I imagine he is stropping and lashing out and your the closet one there. It’s crap and not an excuse but I imagine the whole thing is upsetting. It’s not your fault and it’s not about you, sounds like he needs some support and a firm talking to with regards to holding his job above his family in the future as clearly it’s not worth it.

I literally resuscitate people for living. When I fail I have to tell their relatives.

I still don’t get to be this much of a dick at home.

This is the bit that makes me think you should LTB above all the other equally shitty points.

Your poor kids. Get rid of him. Having someone right in front of you ignoring you hurts more than them not even being there at all.

He's never going change, he doesn't care enough about any of you. At least on your own you are doing it own because you have to not when there should be another adult providing support rather than creating more work for you both physical (cleaning, cooking etc) and mental (dealing with self esteem issues that come from treated like this for yourself and your children).

His promotion is actually immaterial in this in as much as it come across as one of many many failings.

Fucking hell, mate, what your husband feels about how his career would have been much better if he hadn't married is true of practically every woman ever. Mine would have been better if I'd not married or had kids, as like most women, I ended up taking a career break to do just that. Is that my husband or kids' fault? No. Is my life richer for them being in it? Yes (even though I am now separated.)

Your husband is being a twat sulking and blaming you. Don't put up with it.

He's abusing you. Him blaming you for daring to have feelings and acting as though that affected HIS performance? Yeah that's emotional abuse.

Wouldn't be putting up with any of that from him. He sounds like a complete arsehole.

What positives does he bring to you and your children?

He sounds really emotionally abusive OP. He does nothing for the family, ignores his kids when he's sulking, has told you if he hadn't married you his life would be better, and gives you the silent treatment to punish you for speaking up. I can't see anything positive he's bringing to your life at all. Of course you're depressed - anyone would be living in this situation and being made to think it's their fault. If you won't think about leaving him for your own sake then think about the kids. They will be massively affected by seeing this toxic relationship modelled as they grow up, they will think this is normal, that it's ok for men to treat women like this, and it will affect their future relationships. They will also be very affected by having such an emotionally and physically unavailable father. As a previous poster said, if he didn't want a family life then why has he married and had kids??

He sounds very hard to live with. I bet he's contributing to your poor mental health.

And what a fucking cheek to say he'd be in the same position if it hadn't been for you - YOU are facilitating his entire life by looking after his children and the house. How dare he??

If he's that obsessed with work I'd expect him to be a millionaire so you don't have to work and you can hire staff. Maybe he's just not very good at work.

I bet he's a nightmare to work with too.

Never taking a day off is not the sign of a good employee. He may well not have got promoted because he isn’t good enough, doesn’t delegate, poor at time management…

What a wanker. If he's that sulky and immature at work, no wonder he didn't get the promotion.

He’s putting work before his family, out of choice it seems. The comment he made about being where he wanted to be if he hadn’t married you illustrated his priorities doesn’t it. He also wouldn’t have a family. Did he want one?

The old adage work to live not live to work springs to mind.

He clearly gets more satisfaction achieving and progressing through his career than helping to raise his own family. It’s sad bc his children will remember and he’s at risk of being very lonely when they’re too busy for him in the future and want nothing to do with him. He kind of deserves it though I think.

The silent treatment is unforgivable, especially for the kids.

I would give him an ultimatum that he grows the fuck up or moves out. But mean it.

This. I work in a big ftse 100 company and one week’s poor performance, even if there WAS stress at home, wouldn’t cancel years of graft. He’s just not suitable for the role! his personality described here, makes me think that the company have noticed he’s not a very well balanced guy.

Tbf, if he's as committed as you say, and isn't being promoted up easily, I'd say he's probably just not that good.
Sounds like you and the kids have come last, and you've supported his career by being the one that catches everything personal life related whilst he commits to work.

I think you need a better balance, and I think he needs to stop being a grump like its your fault.

He has been working for a promotion for TWO AND A HALF YEARS and STILL didnt get it? 😮

He is embarrassed which is fair enough, I would be too, and can only blame himself for not being good enough. But obviously it is easier to blame you.

Him being a loser would give me the ick straight away. Well done you for staying with him, but can you carry on long time with this?

Just stop it! The way he is isn't your fault!!

It's definitely not your fault he didn't get promoted. People like your DH who work like absolute dogs and sacrifice all their spare time for a company will not go far as they are not respected and will be kept in their current positions as a workhorse forever or until they choose to leave. You have to value your own time and worth to get anywhere in life.

He is the one damaging your mental health by giving his all to a company who don't give a shit about him, rather than devoting his time and energy to his wife and children and pulling his weight at home. Don't blame yourself for his failures.

This has really hit a nerve for me - not so much from your perspective although that's a horrible position to be in, but for your kids.

I WAS one of your kids. My Dad had a job that meant I didn't see much of him. He left for work before I was awake, he came home late. During busy times he even either slept at the office or in a hotel close to his office so he didn't waste time commuting. As a result, although I do love my Dad, I don't have that many childhood memories of us all doing things as a family. We'd go on holiday together sure (thankfully this was before laptops or mobile phones) but Mum told me the reason we always went away for more than 2 weeks at a time was because it took Dad at least 3 days to unwind and stop snapping at everyone.

Thankfully for Mum I'm an only child so she only had me to look after but I do feel sad now that I don't have THAT many memories of all of us going places as a family when I was little.

This!!

Jeez, I thought my husband was a workaholic! This is next level!

If he wasn’t prepared to put his wife and kids first he should have stayed single.

Well diddums. He has a wife and kids. That's life. You are not to blame. Don't think it for a second.

I would have had sympathy too if he weren't blaming you.

What? Is it shite your fault!!

This sounds like an utterly miserable way to live for all of you. What's the point in chasing further success if you don't ever actually get to enjoy it and benefit from it?

If my husband was waxing lyrical about how much better his life would have been had we not married I'd be incredibly hurt and couldn't envisage staying with him.

He sounds like a hopeless husband and father. Why are you with him?

Your husband sounds like my sibling who died tragically from stress and being overworked.
Perhaps your husband has started to realise his company doesn’t appreciate him and that’s why he is in a bad mood.
We believe this what lead to my sibling’s unnecessary death. By the time my sibling realised the company didn’t appreciate all the overtime, working during annual leave etc it was too late.