To think DDs behaviour is a little odd?

It's not just the friends thing though is it? The OP has also said she struggles massively with change which is also very typical of ASD.

Mine was the same OP, he was diagnosed with ASD aged 10. Around secondary school age the gap tends to widen and it often becomes more obvious. At secondary school the library was his sanctuary.

Yes, it can be very confusing and upsetting for the child who's been invited round and then abandoned in a strange house, away from its family. Too often the message is seeping through that if people are NT their feelings don't count. But they do.

But that’s why the parents need to listen to what their child is telling them (through behaviour) and change how meet ups are done to ensure their child isn’t overwhelmed and another child isn’t made to feel unwelcome.

arrange to meet with a few others in a park or something which means you can leave when she has had enough with no impact on the friends.

OP, I have a cousin who, when he was a child from around the age of 4, would visit us with his parents, play with my siblings and me for a bit and then insist on going home. The first couple of times my aunt and uncle tried to persuade him that they'd only just arrived (an hour's journey) and wanted to stay longer, but he grew increasingly upset and ended up having a meltdown, so they would go home after half an hour or so. This was repeated a few times until the visits stopped. My cousin was diagnosed with ASD and a number of other learning disabilities a couple of years later, aged around seven or eight.

I'm not saying that your child is ND, but certain aspects of your post sounded familiar to me.

It may come as a surprise to you that you can “know about neurodiverse brains” (neurodiversity?) and have different ideas about how to support that, or do you lack the imagination and empathy to see that? Not everyone who disagrees with you does so through ignorance.

While people are congratulating one child on their ‘coping’ mechanism, I feel sorry for the kid who has been invited on a play date and also left to ‘cope’ in an unfamiliar family’s house. Just because she’s not meaning it to be rude doesn’t mean it isn’t.

Sensory overload
neurodiverse traits or google infant reflexes not going dormant

Wow the ignorance and ableist attitudes are rife. My ten year old and his friends are well able to navigate one of their friends that needs to take himself off for a little chill. Ten year olds who have navigated this since 4. Ye might want to have a chat with one they will explain about how different people process and that accommodation isn't rudeness.

@BadLuck2023 your daughter sounds like she has really clear boundaries and has found a coping mechanism. Whatever is in her future I would envisage it to be bright. That level of insight is rare in one so young.

She may be ND, or she may be an introvert personality. Given the time lines of assessment I read about I would enquire how to access to one now.

At the very least it may identify some useful resources to support her. And she will hopefully have lovely friends like my sons friend. He knows he can have a chill in the cats room and that they wll take each other as they find.

My DD is like this. She's a bit older now so knows it's rude to hide from a friend but she will just start doing her own thing. Reading or colouring. I remembered that I also largely hated playdates and they gave me extreme anxiety.We are introverts. Some people are and believe it or not don't like socialising beyond their limits for it. We can socialise when we want to but largely prefer our own company. Now there may be more to it with your DD but there may not. I'm sick of every thread about girls who aren't perfect model social butterfly princesses being automatically labelled as having ASD on MN. Start with speaking to class teacher.

Either as PP said playdates need to be out of home or no playdates. It’s rude!

This - seen it in play dates my children went to where the host hid in a room and closed door and my DC found themselves playing with a sibling instead. Also seen the problem making friendship connections in my own DCs when younger (diagnosed ASD in their teens).

Best to obtain a diagnosis now (if ASD is the root cause, an ed psych will interpret better than us MNers) as the earlier you have support in place, the better prepared they are for adult life. Mine are very different, and one embraces his ASD and has lots of friends and a positive outlook - just needs considerable down time after school trips/parties/etc and would still rather not have them come to his home/safe space; the other 19 struggles hugely but is finding that it’s okay just to have a few very good friends who accept her the way she is.

I used to be a bit like this. Not quite so extreme, but at a sleepover for example would just want to read magazines. I'm quite introverted and get burnt out with too much socialising. NT as far as I'm aware. Possibly ND and never been diagnosed I guess. Happily married and still not super sociable with a few good friends.

Six is quite young. Some six year olds are quite emotionally and socially immature. I didn't really have friends until I was about ten. My sister jokes she should have organised my hen party in a library.

Another one saying it could be Autism. Look at common traits in girls- I looked at old threads on here.

@MaryMaryVeryContrary and @TomeTome

It may come as a surprise - but there are lots of people out there with neurodiverse brains. Just because you may not like it, doesn't mean that this doesn't exist.

Try having some imagination and empathy - as that would really help.

If the way you cope with feeling overwhelmed is unkind and rude then it’s your parents job to help you find a better way. Honestly if you can’t teach your child without shaming them or manage the situations they are exposed to so they aren’t overwhelmed at 6 then when exactly are you planning to step up and put in the support? It sounds like the majority of the work to enable this child to have play dates is falling on her siblings shoulders.

Thinking about it I do still do similar, if I am out and feel myself getting overwhelmed I will excuse myself to go to the toilet just to give myself 5 minutes to try to regulate myself.

I was exactly like this at 6, I wanted to have friends but I got easily overwhelmed and would hide away ( even at 9/10 yrs old! ) I also could understand maths at all.
My mum would gently encourage me and let me find my own way to deal with other children.
I am not ND, just introverted and anxious 🤷‍♀️

OP, if she can only manage 20 minutes I would limit social interactions to that time to allow her to have success. Think with her about what else makes it easier/harder. More structured activities or more scaffolding (in the form of you leading/modelling play) might help as well.

This is terrible advice. If she is feeling overwhelmed and has found a way to cope with that, then what you suggest will 1. Shame her for her social difficulties 2. Either force her to become overwhelmed which will probably lead to an anxiety attack/meltdown/shutdown and negative associations with socialising or stop her from being able to have social interactions which means she won't learn how to manage them/get used to them.

@Mamai100 you’d be guessing wrong. Not everyone who disagrees with you is ignorant.

@MaryMaryVeryContrary it only took a few minutes for good reason. I'm autistic and what OP describes is so incredibly familiar.

Obviously it's not something I do as an adult but it was a regular occurrence when I was six. I couldn't cope but didn't know how to say that out loud.

I actually think you should be proud of her for finding her own coping strategies! Maybe it’s time to stop inviting friends to the house for now as she isn’t coping.

have a word with school see if they have noticed anything

How the OP describes her daughter I'd say there's definitely a possibility that she's ND. I don't see what the issue is with this poster pointing it out, it's the first thing I thought of and certainly with the updates the OP has given it seems even more likely.

@TomeTome I'm guessing you have zero experience of ASD?

Because a child not coping with the presence of another child and taking themselves off to a quiet place with no sensory overload is literally ASD traits for Beginners.

How do you not know that?

Strop inviting people over
home should be a safe space

she’s only six - learning about commutative numbers would be a struggle for most six year olds!