My close friend and I (We’ll call her Amy) are both single. We have been for a couple years!
She is actively and regularly dating. Currently seeing someone now, but these things tend to be short lived.
She tends to take an approach of throwing herself into dating, to get to know people.
I on the other hand rarely date unless I see something special in a man.
The man in question (let’s call him Daniel) is on the periphery of our social circles.
My friend bonded with him at a party that I couldn’t attend at the beginning of the year.
Shortly after the party Daniel went away for a
month with work. The company he works for were setting up business abroad.
Amy and Daniel would text and call often. Making arrangements to meet when he got back.
There was nothing physical between them. But they shared a lot of personal stuff and bonded over similar experiences. As well as all the normal flirting.
Amy really liked him and wanted to see where things could go.
Daniel on the other hand felt he wasn’t in the right place to be dating and didn’t want to ruin the friendship.
I don’t think that they actually went on a date. Just a couple of months max of calls and texts.
They remained in contact as friends, albeit sporadic. She has seen him in person since but with another friend at a gig.
Amy was very upset at the time, having become really close, emotionally.
I have ran into Daniel a handful of times. Previously I would have just been polite, as an acquaintance, didn’t really know him to spend time chatting.
But since the situation with Amy I’ve been friendly with him, as we both have Amy in common.
We recently ended up on the same train together for an hour chatting about various topics.
I felt that I’d really warmed to him. We messaged a few times since (fb messenger, we haven’t swapped numbers), nothing major but I was feeling interested in him as a person.
He’s just asked me out on a date.
I feel like he could be a good match in terms of values and interests, I like his sense of humour and he’s easy to talk to.
I think he’s attractive.
He ticks a lot of boxes and seems like a good person.
I’ve met many of Amy’s dates in the past.
Friendly but platonic with most.
The occasional one has shown an interest
but it was one sided, I’ve never considered it.
This is different, I feel differently about this man.
a) My friend is kind and will tell me it’s fine. But I think she will still be hurt.
Therefore I’m stupid to even consider this.
And should reject him for “dating” my friend first.
b) I rarely feel like I want to date anyone.
I feel like Amy will have dated most single men our age in our local area, that I will struggle to find anyone to date who she hasn’t previously dated.
This scenario was inevitable at some point and I should just speak to my friend first before I accept a date.
I can’t sleep and need some perspective on this.
AIBU to consider this at all?
Would you be upset if you were in Amy’s position?