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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend making plan to meet up several weeks in advance.

220 replies

Longlazyday · 28/05/2024 23:05

Am I being unreasonable to consider let this friendship go?

Messaged a friend to suggest meeting for a coffee. They have suggested August. 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
Longlazyday · 28/05/2024 23:31

To me meeting for a coffee is no biggie; a quick catch up/check in. Planning that far in advance for something pretty light touch, other things are likely to take priority.

OP posts:
HcbSS · 28/05/2024 23:31

Longlazyday · 28/05/2024 23:12

We live in same area, no caring responsibilities, nor demanding jobs. Suggestion of a straightforward coffee - one hour max.

Afraid I couldn’t stand this. Unless your ‘friends’ are actually the Prime Minister (perhaps poor example, he doesn’t do that much work) or on leave from the forces only in August, they clearly don’t see you as a priority if they can’t make an hour for you.
I bet they could spare an hour to scroll on their phones.

Mothership4two · 28/05/2024 23:28

Personally, as it's a friend I would have said something like "oh can you not do earlier than that? Have you got something going on at the moment?" or words to that effect.

Worsthotel · 28/05/2024 23:28

If you wanted a weekend, I'd struggle before then. Also I've never had a pre-arranged "coffee" that only took an hour.

Hotttchoc · 28/05/2024 23:25

@Longlazyday If you really need to chat or something could you
message her and tell her so and ask if there's any change of meeting sooner? Offer to meet near where she lives.

do you have an active social life - is that where the imbalance is?

I think it's time to cut her off if you feel like you make all the effort in the freidnship
but not just because she has plans!

Do you need to meet on a weekend or can you meet on a workday lunchtime or something?

OMGitsnotgood · 28/05/2024 23:24

That might be the case OP but I would respond something like 'that's a long way off, is everything ok?'

BrieHugger · 28/05/2024 23:23

Have you replied? I’d say “Seriously? You can’t squeeze in an hour for a coffee before then?” and if she still says no I’d be cutting her off.

Original poster
Longlazyday · 28/05/2024 23:22

@IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece - I think that’s the issue, absence of a discussion so not possible to be mindful of what’s going. I feel I’m being kept at a distance or I value the friendship more. So there is an imbalance. I think this is it.

OP posts:
Littlefish · 28/05/2024 23:21

I've just arranged to meet up with a friend for lunch and mid-August was the first date we both had free.

It's just the way it works sometimes.

Hotttchoc · 28/05/2024 23:19

@Longlazyday Why are you making it about you? She may already have other plans to things she was invited to first

Original poster
Longlazyday · 28/05/2024 23:18

@pizzaHeart I had wondered. If so, if August soonest to meet, I’m not considered a friend close enough to be honest with.

OP posts:
IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 28/05/2024 23:17

I could meet a friend for a drink before August 2nd but it wouldn’t be easy tbh, I have a bunch of deadlines, a work trip and my own stuff to sort out and being so busy I’m wrecked and would be much better company once things have calmed down.

A friend and I were discussing diaries the other day and between a holiday, work travel and deadlines she has not one free day until July 26th.

Neorher of us would dump each other based on that! It can happen

pizzaHeart · 28/05/2024 23:13

Longlazyday · 28/05/2024 23:12

We live in same area, no caring responsibilities, nor demanding jobs. Suggestion of a straightforward coffee - one hour max.

Maybe something going on, I would ask her.

Original poster
Longlazyday · 28/05/2024 23:12

We live in same area, no caring responsibilities, nor demanding jobs. Suggestion of a straightforward coffee - one hour max.

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 28/05/2024 23:11

It depends on circumstances: is she planning to be away, has extra work on weekends, learning to drive, training for a marathon, has no childcare?
I mean it is odd but not unbelievable. I would expect her to give you a reason for this.

ThisBlueCrab · 28/05/2024 23:11

It depends in her reasons, but this could easily be me.

I work full time, have dd 50/50 with her dad so weekends she is with me I avoid arranging with friends.

I chaperone for dds dance school and we have exams and various shows/performances lined up over the summer months at local galas etc which is pretty much every weekend during the summer.

I am also a school governor.

I genuinely get bugger all free time so I do tend to plan things in well in advance.

Currently I have one weekend in July where I don't have something scheduled.

Hotttchoc · 28/05/2024 23:11

It is nearly June so August actually may not be as bad as it first sounded. I sometimes have plans every weekend in a month weeks before.

Changingplace · 28/05/2024 23:08

Up to you really but I’ve got no free weekends between now & August, such is life. Have you suggested previous dates to meet up, when did you suggest?

Hotttchoc · 28/05/2024 23:08

Is there a reason why they can't move sooner? Holidays? House move! Are they a teacher?

I often make plans weeks in advance but August seems ages away!

ThinWomansBrain · 28/05/2024 23:06

2024?

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