Friend making plan to meet up several weeks in advance.

If you ask me its because a lot of people prefer to prioritise "my little family" and busyness but no one's asking me 😁.

Why is that then? Do enlighten everyone.

There are so many threads on here upset they have no friends now I know why!

Can you both meet at any hour or is it at a specific time only? I can see why eg 6-7 won’t suit ppl if they/their DH/their kids always have something on at a certain time but if there is flexibility, then I think you have to accept that she doesn’t want to see you instead of can’t see you. I can see why that is hurtful.

@wintersgold exactly, it's whether you see it as a chore or something that makes all that hard work and time sorting family out a bit more bearable. I would say though that my friends who struggle to meet are the ones that struggle most with MH and there can be something there. I think relationships help with that side of things

I've worked 60-80 hour work weeks in the past and dealt with family issues at the same time - and even then I could always spare an hour for coffee with a close friend. I don't think I'll ever understand your point of view

Sometimes I think it's an incompatibility thing and how people prioritise friendships and relationships. I have a friend who is a teacher, part time and she only wants to meet in the holidays. I work full time so don't have all the holidays off, it makes it really hard to meet. Personally even if I'm busy or tired I make time for people but not everyone does. I'm sorry op because it is frustrating.

I'm not really suggesting she has but note PP's have suggested noting it's a long time off and is everything okay.

I wouldn't do that but I am saying that we don't know what the friend's reasons are for not seeing her but I'd probably assume she's just busy unless there are other signs of lack of interest or not being a good friend

I didn't mean to imply the friend was refusing to see OP - just for whatever reason (as you say, we don't know what) she doesn't have time to really spend time together. So for whatever reason they can't have an active friendship (obvs doesn't mean OP has to cut her out completely).

Out of interest - how would you suggest OP ask? Surely that would be excruciating for both of them. Or are you thinking PP's suggestion of gently probing to see if everything's ok?

With respect, OP could end up very lonely if she pursues friendships where the other people are too busy to meet up.

Not saying she should dramatically cut the friend out, but just realise it's more of an acquaintance type friendship now, and put her social effort elsewhere.

@MessageOnAWall But the friend isn't refusing to see OP. She just is busy for a few weekends as a lot of people are.

It could be that OP is not a priority but it's hard to know if she doesn't ask.

Wow, that's a bit harsh!
It's hardly seeing yourself as the main character to want to actually have a shared friendship where you see each other. If you're not doing that, you're not really having a friendship, are you? There's a huge imbalance if one person wants to share time together and the other doesn't, it's hardly a recipe for good mental health to keep going back to it - better to invest time and energy in those who do want a friendship.

If someone doesn't have time for you, it can be that they don't really want to make time, or that they're genuinely too busy and have plenty of other, closer friends. Either way, you'd think they'd be relieved if you stopped asking them.

It's OP's choice to take this as a personal slight. She can act accordingly and choose not to continue the friendship.

100%

I mean, yes. I have friends like that. Sometimes, I am that friend. We make it work because we like each other and want to catch up.

It's OP's choice to take this as a personal slight. She can act accordingly and choose not to continue the friendship.

I have a friend who is always fully booked for 6-8 weeks. She is always going out/away etc. When we organise anything, it's always far away! But it's not on purpose, she loves to be busy and books things in, every weekend.

Too busy for a coffee for the next 2 months, really?

Depends. Loads of people live life like this. I choose not to. We have most weekends free. A few concerts, do's, BBQ's and parties booked.

I arrange stuff this far in advance with friends - we just all have so much going on with families, work, sport, etc. And actually, even though its 'only an hour' - sometimes its about the headspace - I might easily be able to squeeze someone in on a day when I have other things on - but it all just feels a bit manic and stressful to do that, and I'd rather wait and do it on a day when I have nothing else on. I also might prefer to know that I don't have to cut a conversation short because I've got to rush off to pick DS up from somewhere or something.

Yes I was exaggerating, but my post was aimed at all those saying they should ditch the friend because they aren't available when they think they should be, not the OP themselves. I think you entirely missed the point just so you could be pedantic. Well done.

I certainly read your post, but was trying to bring it back to being about the OPs situation a little...either way, neither you, nor the OPs friend, were asked to do anything at the drop of a hat, which means 'immediately', you were exaggerating somewhat, that was my point 😊

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/at-the-drop-of-a-hat

I don’t think it’s that at all, I think it’s just different preferences and lifestyles. Spontaneity is important to me, I like being able to see (for example) a cool event happening this week and think, oh, my mate Miranda would like that, let me see if she fancies coming, or to invite local friends to come along for a catch up when I walk the dog. I feel too restricted and hemmed in by regimented plans far into the future and I’m also likely to forget about things that are too far away and double-book myself, even if I write them in a diary. My brain just doesn’t operate more than about 2 weeks into the future - I’ve even double booked things over my own holidays or medical appointments so it isn’t about not valuing other people’s time.

Her next availability to fit you in is August is she a gp receptionist

Fairly normal for my circle. We work in the week and have after school activities in the evenings so weekends are the only option. Dcs do weekend activities, we do activities with the dcs like theatre trips and family days at museums which need to be booked months in advance (or they will sell out), birthday parties to attend, occasional extra sessions for some after school activities, have to fit in optician and dental appointments at weekends, have weekend breaks away so it's very normal not to have a gap in the calendar for a few months.

@Changingplace ,sorry I didn't mean I see the same friends every week, just different constellations of friends but I see all my local friends at least monthly, usually 2-3 times a month.

If you’re willing to let a friend go I think you’re done anyway though, aren’t you?