To think if one parent can't look after the DC, it's the other parents responsibility to do so?

Would you feel the same if he was the resident parent? Or did you only marry him under the proviso you would only have to deal with his children on the odd occasion?

Omg the sheer entitlement of your post is breathtaking. Of course the step-mother should drop the kids to their mother? What is wrong with you? OPs husband is in hospital. It's clear to see you wouldn't give a shit about your children's feelings if their other parent was in hospital.

Yes I married a man with children, can you explain why I shouldn't have? I didn't sign up to be his and his exs nanny. His DC are no more mine than anyone else's, that's a true fact, why are you disputing it?

in this case their mum needs to take them. I agree. And she should want to, to be honest.

But at the same time, you can’t marry a person with children and view yourself as much of an irrelevance to those children as some random neighbour. That’s disgraceful.

What attitude? That I said my step-kids are not mine? Listen, I think some people need to stop looking on step-mothers as free child care. My step-kids come to see their dad, not me. If he is not available why would they come to me? I have provided emergency child care a few times over the years, (not needed now) but I sure as hell wouldn't have had the kids if my DH was in hospital and anyone who expects it is a cheeky fucker.

So you would take them and drop them off at their mother’s?
The takeaway message here is don’t marry a man with children if you believe they’re nothing to do with you and you only care about the children you have with him.

Her husband is in hospital. You still think OP should do it?

Why is acceptable for their own mother to not want them? Get a grip.

I would want my child with me if her father became too unwell to look after her.

I would expect my step children to be with their mother, if my husband became too unwell to look after them.

Yeah but…you’d put your children first, surely? Rather than just tit for tat with the ex? You’d do what was best in those circumstances for your children? Right?

I get it. My ex did about 5/6 hours a week. He was useless. But no other woman whose husband was ill in hospital would be expected to take on someone else's childcare. But yet people are telling OP she's being unreasonable. The expectations put on step-mothers are shocking.

I hope there would be compromise.
Depending on availability and other commitments.
In either position I would be happy to share the responsibility whether is was an acute illness for a few days or long term.

I get a break from my kids when they go to their dad's about once every two months. In those rare times I arranged to see my partner, he often books us a break away from home. Id be v v reluctant to cancel that, especially when ex would not do the same for me...if I've been ill or seriously overwhelmed or anything else there is no question of him stepping in, it's always up to "my side" eg grandparents to help me. I think that's true in many cases, the RP is the default but the nrp is not.

Do you think a step mother should drop the children off with their mother when their dad gets ill because they’re “no more my kids than the neighbour’s kids, not my problem?”
You definitely should not have married a man with children.

If my partner was ill, I wouldn’t be looking after his kids, no. I would expect their mother to do that. But different families will manage this in different ways.

I agree that ultimately it’s down to the parents, of course.

But Jesus Christ ohlookwhoitis I’m glad you’re not my kids’ stepmother. What an attitude 🤦🏻‍♀️

Your parents are directly responsible for what happened to you as a kid. OP is the last person who should be taking responsibility for the DC here. I cannot imagine anyone being so entitled as to ask any other woman whose husband is in hospital to take care of their children...but as OP is a step-mother she's fair game.

I’m not an “ex”, but I think it’s outrageous that a step mother would refuse to care for her step children because they’re not biologically her children. Why is it acceptable to treat step children this way?

This is exactly it. It would be different if your DH died because the ex would permanently rearrange childcare to support her DC but not great risking losing her job (and means to support her DC) when the following week your DH can say 'right all is well, send them back to me'. I presume you are able to support your DC with the help of your DH's sick pay, the ex receives nothing from your DH.

Step-parents are not your respite.

No parents get to do what’s in the parents best interest much. Probably wouldn’t have any DC at all if that were the case.

I've been a single parent. When my ex was in hospital, I gladly gave up 'my time' to take care of my child. Did you read all OPs posts? The ex is literally harassing OP. You think it's ok to harass a woman whose husband is sick in hospital? You don't think OP has enough on her plate?

What, so you’d prefer a stepparent care for your kids if it wasn’t your “time”?

I’m quite sure it is exhausting but I’ll still never understand the mindset that you’d rather your kids were elsewhere. That might be in your best interests but let’s not pretend it’s in theirs.

The thing is, I think 6 hours a week is a little different to 50/50. I do EOW so it isn't an issue to cancel a social event but if I had to say to work I couldn't be in for a week unexpectedly, I probably wouldn't be paid and with no CMS for 50/50 this would hugely impact my ability to pay for my bills. It isn't straight forward in 50/50 IMO but ultimately, it isn't the OPs responsibility but in the OPs shoes I would probably try and be a little flexible.

Yes of course their mother should be involved. But every adult who becomes part of the set up needs to acknowledge their responsibilities. Treating stepchildren as chores to be divided up among the reluctant adults leaves a lasting mark. I was that kid.

What about their actual mother?

My ex is useless and cancels his days for a number of reasons and I pick up the slack because I am their mother, luckily for me I do EOW so I already arrange my work and childcare around this. I wouldn't expect or want his new partner to look after my children (not that I dislike her).

Obviously if it's 50/50 and the mother arranged her work around this arrangement it can be difficult so I think some flexibility, if you can would be best for the children. The mum losing her job or money would not be great for them.

Good for you not being in a situation where you need to understand it.

Being a single parent can be absolutely exhausting. You can need the time for respite, and you protect it because having that time to yourself is in the best interests of your children.