To think if one parent can't look after the DC, it's the other parents responsibility to do so?

You know what, I can't believe I am still here, stupidly arguing about this shit when as far as I can tell from the OP comments
The mother has the damned kids!!!!
She just keeps calling and asking when the father is going to take them or if the stepmother will take them during his time.
Just say no!. Give your husband his phone and tell the mother to call and pester him, he is the father!
I cannot believe how stupid I am to sit and argue on here without understanding what was really happening.
The mother has the kids!!!They are with her! She is just complaining about it.
I hate a drip feed convoluted thread from an OP that has us all in here arguing about nothing.
Go read through all her comments again like I just did. Seems like she is saying the mother already has the kids and is complaining about it. That is all. no one has made her take care of the kids

". I am sourcing the appropriate care for my children during an emergency situation. She should do the same. It's called parenting surely? It's not always going to fit into some allotted time."
Yes, during her time she should do that. During his time, your husband should have done that.

No, but they would criticize him for not having emergency care arranged, for not hashing out what would happen in cases like this with his ex if it were her he wants caring for the children during his time when he can't. Both him and the ex seem to have assumed the stepmother would do it. While that is a valid assumption on the mother's part, she doesn't know the stepmother-the husband should have already known that his new wife was not going to take care of his children during his time.
It doesn't matter how you argue it. This was not an emergency. He was sick days before he had to go into the hospital. He had all that time to make arrangements for who would care for the children. Whether that is reminding his ex how many times he did it for her or calling his parents, paying someone, begging his wife to do it for him.
The mother may be a fucking cunt. But it is the father failing in his parental duties.
If the mother drops the kids off knowing he is in the hospital, then it is her doing something that would be frowned on and illegal. Because she should contact someone to let them know that she has custody of the children when she shouldn't for an indeterminate length of time.
When two people share joint custody, they essentially become two single parents. They should act like it. If he wanted his children during days not his and had the time and agreed to take them, that does not make her obligated to do the same without any communication from him. Like I have said before, this is another case of a man trying to pit two women against each other while he sits back and watches.
And no, I don't care that he is in the hospital. He better be knocked out/cognitively impaired for that excuse to work. I have arranged childcare as a single mom and married mom from a hospital bed plenty of times. it is not hard if you have discussed it with people before and made arrangements like a parent is supposed to.

I read this initially as you were really sick and the other parent was refusing to have the children .. instead expecting your partner to have them… and I’m guessing if the kids mum was sick during ‘your time’ she would just say she couldn’t have them because she’s sick… the same as your DH is…. No it’s not your problem to sort.
Glad you refused…. And yeah next time she asks for a favour I’d be reminding her of this! It’s not like your husband just cancelled having his kids without good reason. Just be careful that when you take the kids to hospital to see DH she doesn’t then just pretend to be out lumbering you with the responsibility!!

I don’t think any judge would criticise a dad for having his kids when he’s ‘very poorly in hospital and unable to breathe!’

if you used him being in hospital as a reason to get full custody you’d be the one looking like a Cupid Stunt..

Also like OP has pointed out, dad has had them during ‘her time’ plenty of times… and not even in emergencies!

This….
Although I bet if they other parent was sick they’d just cancel their visitation rather than arrange childcare for their weekend / week !

@StormingNorman I wasn’t specifically exclaiming at you, it was just initially, I’d assumed that the DH was involved in these childcare discussions.

Why are you exclaiming at me? I have said all along that the parents need to sort it.

Yes, @StormingNorman , I realized that after a couple of updates. Some people have said that in this situation, the ill parent should find alternative childcare, but what’s odd is that the Mum isn’t texting her ex telling him to arrange childcare, she’s texting the OP!

The OP’s now said that she’s forwarded all the texts to her husband. The parents need to sort this out, not her!

It’s not your responsibility. You have enough going on. Tell his ex wife this. Tell her to keep her kids until such times as he is better.
No negotiations. Don’t feel bad about it. She is being a CF and taking advantage of you in an already horrible situation.
You know it’s the right thing to do. Don’t let posters on here try to guilt trip you into thinking differently. For the stepchildren’s sake, their mum should have them and keep them feeling secure with her than try to palm them off and be passed about because you need to juggle your own life to cope with a seriously ill husband/work/childcare.

They are with their mum. Always have been throughout this situation.

How is your husband doing, @looop114? 🌹

She should care for them, shes taking the piss. You’re under no obligation to care for her kids and as their dad is incapable it should fall on her. I would message and explain that given the current situation of how ill your husband is and that you have your own children to care for, plus work, and the added pressure of worrying about your sick husband, you are not in a position to care for DSC at present and that they will need to go home to her.

Why would they not ask her?

I doubt very much that anyone would ever ask you.

I'm sorry your DH is unwell, @looop114 .

If I were the mum in that situation, I would absolutely want to have my children with me, not least because I'd want to help them through a difficult time while their dad's in hospital.

Unless there were some horrendous back-story, I'd also be keen to maintain a positive/constructive co-parenting relationship with their dad's wife, as well as empathising for a fellow woman juggling work, family and a sick DH.

I hope your DH recovers and you and all the children get through this.

@looop114 What does your husband say about all this? What was his expectation for the children when he went into hospital? He really should be the one communicating with her about the change of plans and asking if she’s ok to keep hold of the kids.

Also, mum has the children but seems to be asking about when they could come to you. It would be helpful to know what mum is cancelling/rescheduling/loosing out on that she keeps mithering you. Also, is she thinking dad will be out any day and wants the children not to miss out on too much time with him? what exactly has she been asking of you?

There isn’t a lot of detail or context in your posts.

I thought the kids started off at their dad's but the mum was expected to come and get them because their dad was in hospital. Not that they started off at their mums and she asked the stepmum to come and get them from her. I think the second example is of course clearcut that it would not be the stepmums responsibility to do that.

Yes I think if the mums partner was unwilling to look after the children in an emergency that would be selfish too as you are adding to your partners stress in a difficult time. However realistically even when you are with your children's dad there are times when emergencies happen where you both may not be available to care for the children. It's just sensible to have options for childcare when either parent is not around.

I have always had a childminder in my life until recently even when I was married because I couldn't always rely on dad to provide childcare. Like another poster said they are DBS checked and often kids enjoy their time there because they keep them entertained with activities. Or I befriend other mums who can help me in an emergency. Reading this thread has also reminded me how amazing my family is as I have always been able to rely on them if I really needed help with childcare. According to this thread though I should have demanded their dad take unpaid leave to watch them instead as he is the one with parental responsibility not my family. It takes a village to raise a child not just mum and dad even if they are the ones who are ultimately responsible. Dad's also need to create networks like mums do that they can fall back on for help if they need to especially when they are not with the mother of their child. If that is not your partner or family then make sure you have a childminder saved in your phone for emergencies.

If you have chosen to marry a selfish person who would put your children in care rather than look after them for the limited time you have them then thats your bad choices

Why would they go in care because the stepparent didn’t want to care for them? The bad choice here would be on the other parent who turned the other cheek. Imagine letting your kids go into care to make a point that Dad’s new partner needs to do the hard bits as well as the nice bits.

I didn't say ask your family to look after them I said could you ask your husbands family

Im an aunt. (my niece is grown up now) Im also child free by choice. I would take a very dim view of being asked this when an actual parent of the child cant be bothered. Aunts uncles cousins get NO SAY over whether their relatives pro create or not. But if we are being asked this perhaps we should

Actually the same applies to both. If either the mother or father are unwilling to care for their own children, and no one else is, then the only option at that point is foster care.

What neither get to do, mother or father, is claim that someone else, who has zero responsibility for their children, in fact has greater responsibility than they do.

OP is doing exactly what the mother is having to do - taking responsibility for her children and her job. In addition to that she’s also dealing with having a sick husband in hospital, which is a major stressor that his ex isn’t having deal with.

If you have chosen to marry a selfish person who would put your children in care rather than look after them for the limited time you have them then thats your bad choices.

Does that go for the mother too? She has a boyfriend, yet she's harassing the OP to take her children.

Mums do tend just to muddle through, on the whole. Usually they don't think that there is any alternative.

The privilege of having a 'default' parent available if anything comes up is more often than not a male one.

The fact that alot of single mums on here can give multiple examples of what you could do if the other parent is not available for childcare; none of which involve calling social services to admit your kids in to care is revealing. It shows that actually the lived experience of many mums is that emergency childcare from the other parent cannot be relied upon or expected when it comes to the mum.

Its all fine posters saying both parents should be responsible 100% of the time but that mums can give examples of what they would do in a similar position to the dad in the OP, ranging from asking their partner to help them look after their children, to relying on family or paying for childcare really shows its a one sided expectation in the majority of cases that mums should drop everything if the kids are at their dads and he falls ill.

However when it's the mother who needs the support she needs to find her own solutions and get by without infringing on their dad's life. Which is if we are being honest what happens in the majority of cases. If it's reciprocal then fine but if its a one sided expectation on one parent and not the other than no rely on your spouse who is supposed to be your partner. If you have chosen to marry a selfish person who would put your children in care rather than look after them for the limited time you have them then thats your bad choices. Once again the examples here from mums who have a partner is that they would rely on them for help not call social services if their dad can't get them.

I'm with you op.

How is your dh? Any better? Must be really stressful for you atm.