To have let another child ruin our afternoon?

Went to soft play hell today. Ended up with a gaggle of children ‘playing’ with me and my DC. To be honest I would have preferred them to go away but if you are an adult in there, making up games and interacting you do tend to get mobbed. I unfortunately have to go in as my DS can hit on occasion so I can’t leave him to it. Although I’m an old hand at this I was particularly surprised by how many really small children were in their unsupervised today. It’s a much higher number of children alone and much younger in age. When my oldest was soft play age it was full of parents squeezing through the frame playing with their kids. Not so much these days.

OP - by not telling the child to go away you were sending a message to your children that they are less important than this other child. I totally get that it's hard but with experience you will learn to set boundaries, and your children will learn from you that they can do that too. That is an extremely helpful thing for them to learn.

This is a learning curve, but you will learn how to do it. If you had boys you would learn faster because they are fiercer and some of them have voices like a parade ground sargeant major.

The fun comes when you have to set boundaries with your in-laws and then that's a whole other level.

@Wattlemania Thanks for sharing this. It is a tragic story. I was supervising the whole time to make sure the pieces were small and soft.
But I now realise I shouldn't have allowed it to happen.

It was my first time at soft play. I will try and be more firm when / if I take him again.
I shouldn't have let her feed him.
I was supervising the whole time to make sure it was safe and the pieces were very small and soft.
But I still shouldn't have allowed it.

@NuffSaidSam I wouldn't have actually told the child to "piss off".
But essentially, however you may phrase it, this is what you are essentially saying by politely asking the child to find their parent, saying you wish to be alone with your baby, whatever it may be, any of the suggestions on here.

“It’s time for you to go back to your mummy now, nice to meet you, bye bye”

Why did you not find the owner of the establishment and let them know. They would have gone over and had a word with the parents.

Thank you . That's really nice of you to say x

2 bits of guesswork in this post. Not bad at all.

Exactly. OP this isn't unnecessarily harsh at all. You'll have to get used to sending kids like this away, or it will happen again and again, and spoil your children's fun.

She especially should have been told not to try picking up your DD.

She is a child and likely to have additional needs to be so clingy like this.issue was with the parents she obviously doesn't get much attention at home.

I’ve had similar situations and generally entertain it (as long as it’s not unsafe) for about 10mins before saying “well, we need to go over here now, bye!/we need to play by ourselves now”
The joining in lunch seems too far though, and at that stage I’d have found a member of staff and said “I’m not sure where this child’s parents are but she seems to be on her own and is trying to eat lunch with us. Can you do a shout out/make sure she’s ok?”

YYY, agree with every word of this.

@Confused19831983 tragic article about a five year old child who choked to death on grapes. And they were not 1.

https://www.kidspot.com.au/news/i-saw-him-holding-his-hands-around-his-neck-in-five-minutes-my-son-was-dead/news-story/80793a38f0f61aabb2d116de7f19ae37?amp&nk=9f5e951f45964a248f7313e798e33b90-1716925055

Then the problem is your reticence.

You can be direct and blunt with children. Firm and cheerful.

"It's time to go back to your grown up now. Bye bye!"

"Let's find your grown up now and say goodbye".

"No more picking up the baby, Lisa".

I agree with this.

Very annoying! I would have said in a low but firm voice, “Ok, time to go then. Go on then, off you go. Thank you, thank you. Time to leave us alone. Bye!” Then if she still didn’t get the message, I would have crouched down in front of my kids, turned my back on her and would keep saying, “Ok bye, time to leave us alone,” over my shoulder.

Whoever was looking after her dropped the ball. It’s sad in many ways but not your problem for you to deal with and play and look after the girl the whole time you are there.

Parents like the ones of that little girl just sound lazy tbh. Get up and deal with your child instead of sipping coffee and gossiping. 🙄

A bit of playing is fine but picking a baby up when you’re not much older yourself isn’t playing.

I know how you mean about not wanting to sound overly harsh, I’m shit at confrontation so I’d not say anything either. Though I’m getting better!

Genuine question, why do you send children to softplays? Because I honestly can't understand why people take their children to places where they most likely will play with other children, and still get annoyed by it. The part where you were eating, like others mentioned you should of told her, right we're eating food now, see you in a bit.
But I only say this because I have a son that really likes making friends and getting to know people, and I do notice mums staying on top of their children's head not giving them the chance to meet. It makes me think why did you bring your child outside if you want to stay on top of them? Aren't children supposed to play with each other? I don't know, I might be a bit over sensitive with this. And yes they should check on their own children, at least to ask if it's okay if they play with your daughters.

It's generally nice for kids to interact, you could have diverted her to play with the 3yo instead of the baby and it would have been easier all round. Lots of people do like their kids playing with others, I do, so please don't assume others just know the kid should be removed for just talking; it's up to you as the adult to move her along if she's a bother because you wanted to sit alone with the kids. Definitely don't ever give random kids food again if that's what you mean by having lunch with you, you don't know about allergies. Like others say, it's not hard to send away a 5yo "we're sitting down now, go back to your mum/dad/gran", "thanks for the chat but that's enough now, off you go".

Imagine letting a five year old walk all over you 🙄

Come on OP you just can't be this passive in life, you'll be doing your own children a real disservice teaching them to go through life like that.

Little kids don't get offended like adults do. Firm and direct is the only way to deal with stuff like this, either with the kid or her parents.

"Time to go back to your mum now, goodbye."

OR

"Can you bring your child back to you now please, we're having lunch."

You ruined your own day by allowing someone else's five year old dictate your time.

I would find this tricky too. I don't know anyone who would say Go Away to a perfectly sweet (if annoying) child.

I would probably let her join in for a bit and then say something like. 'Thanks so much for playing with us but we are going to do this now' or 'right we are eating now if you can go back to your mummy/find some other friends'.

If she had persisted I'm not sure what I would have done though.... probably tried to find the mum and said something like - 'we are just sitting down to eat now so wanted to make sure she found her way back to you ok'....

This is really horrible.

I probably wouldn't have minded much, tbh. But as OP did, I'd ask her where her parents / minder was & walk her back.

Not UR to not want the girl hanging around, but suggesting talking like that to & about a child is so nasty.

That's just nasty 😕

Absolutely pathetic to be intimidated by an effing 5-year-old.