To have let another child ruin our afternoon?

Where was her responsible person? I sort of get playing (annoying) you, but for her RP to sit and watch their daughter annoy someone having lunch at a table. Seriously what’s wrong with the annoying kids parent?!

If you don't hover over your daughter why do you expect this child's parents to hover over them? And how do you know she wasn't annoying others?
For all you know her parent was also dealing with multiple children; and trying to stop toddlers interacting with her baby!
If you don't want interaction with other kids don't go to soft play during half term - simple.
Stick on waterproofs and go to the park instead where you'll no doubt have it all to yourself!

Really! I find Dad's are super aware but mum's usually find another mum to talk to and tell their kids "the grown up's are talking"
I asked my male single dad friend why he was on such high alert and he said that he gets so many judgemental comments about how mum's are much better at looking after their kids Dad's have to be. Because something that would be classed as a little accident if it was a mum watching the kids gets turned into "he was probably watching football on his phone and not paying attention" is it's a Dad with the child!

I like the suggestion of walking her back to her parents and telling them that she’s interfering with your lunch / your toddler.

It puts the responsibility on them. and not the little child, who should have been supervised!

Yeah I'd have said/shouted towards the parents "excuse me, I'm just looking for this little girls mum or dad" then asked "could you distract her or something please, she's being really handsy with my baby and I'm struggling to play with my little one while keeping her from picking my baby up." Or when she's sat eating with you "could you come get her, we're just trying to eat our lunch."

But if you can't find the parents yeah you need to say "go play with someone else now please, I'm playing with my children." "We're having our lunch, you need to go play somewhere else now. " they don't understand social cues so yeah you have to be a bit blunt and rude and tell them to stop bothering you.

But then I really have no issue telling other people's kids off if they're impacting my kids, or sometimes if it doesn't include my kids even but I see them be nasty to a younger/smaller kid. I want my son to grow up knowing I've got his back and that we don't let people be mean to us.

Oh I've been on both sides of this! 😂 When my youngest was a baby/toddler, anytime I took her to softplay I would inevitably end up with some other kid tagging along, every single time, and I would get so annoyed but just grit my teeth. Until I didn't. Fun police here I am but it has to be done, I'm not supposed to be there parenting someone else's child. I don't want someone else's child in my zone of responsibility. Quite frankly I want them to fluff off 🤷🏼‍♀️ so you tell them, firm but fair, it's time for you to go back to your grown up now.
On the flipside, knowing what it's like, I've had to intervene with my own baby-obsessed 5yo in the past. She fawns over the babies and toddlers and I move her along. I've had the conversations with her and have explained while yes it's very nice of her to help them, or share with them, it's not ok to pick them up or harass them. Stick to your lane, child 😂

it is perfectly ok to tell other people's children to politely do one. you do need to be specific and say that you need to go find your grown up now. they need clear instructions. doesn't sound good that the child was unsupervised for this amount of time. Pick your kid up and walk away. if they follow then a short, sharp, no thank you will suffice. If they still won't leave then tell them their grown up has bought ice creams might work

Totally agree with you. The person who said this is unhinged. The level of hatred towards a small child is evil.

More people who can't say no to a 5yo.

Honestly, you people really are going to have to learn how to talk to kids before your children get much older, or it'll be non stop "this kid behaved badly in my house / why does my child not do what I want" posts. Stop blaming other adults for being too weak to be able to tell a small child what you want them to do. Firm and fair, all the way. "Thank you for playing with us, but we will play on our own now, go back to your adult please."

I’m wondering why at 5 years old where her parents or caregiver was… at that age yes I’d have a coffee if kids where happily playing but I’d also be playing with them at that stage (unless mum was heavily pregnant or had a newborn/feeding baby then can see why) but mum should have been wondering why her kid was sitting to lunch with another family and removed them unless they had been invited to sit with. And picking up babies should be nipped in the bud for risk of her accidentally hurting a baby. Really parent/caregiver should have stepped in long before lunch.
you will have to learn this in time (your kids are still very very little so you got plenty of time to get your own way of doing this)

a good and clear one is “my baby needs a nappy change, we will see you later” and walk off (direct and blunt) if child decides to follow say “your mummy would need to take you to the toilet I am not allowed to.” And walk off. say loudish so her parent will hear you. If that doesn’t work, talk to a staff member and say you feel uncomfortable with someone else’s child following you to the toilet and they will deal with.

or

(the one I’d do and have done once, if was causing my kids not to enjoy)

speak to a member of staff. Your child could get hurt if she dropped one of them while you tended to another. Also her parents should be aware of this behaviour. There is a difference between being friendly and being intrusive. She was being intrusive as she was not listening and still trying to lift the baby’s. Remember she is of school age or at least nursery and are used to adults telling them no, they will push the boundaries with people they see they can like you in this situation a stranger who had small kids.

be built and say “no, you do not lift my babies, they are playing just now, thank you” if she continues say where is your parent? And take her to them

I’ve been here @letsgoglamping …
A incredibly chatty 5 or 6 year old took to my then baby.. wouldn’t leave us alone and talked (& talked & talked) the whole time we were there!! … if I asked her ‘Do you need to go and see your mum’ or anything else she would just respond ‘no, I’m ok, they’re ok’ or whatever… whatever I said she had an answer for… I’m guessing her parents were pleased of the break, she was sweet and lovely but like your situation it was just too much… I couldn’t play with my own DD because of her constant chatter, every attempt I made to talk to DD she would say ‘oh I used to……. ‘ or ‘I can do that’…. It was mentally exhausting!
There isn’t really much you can do imo without being mean to a child… some kids are persistent and if their parents are oblivious then it’s tough!
Put it down to experience and hope the child isn’t there again next time!!

I understand your frustration but I’m glad you were kind to the little girl. I’m wondering why her parents didn’t check on her. I think they used you as child care so they could have some free time.

A girl, I’d guess aged 10ish, once came up to me and my then 7mo and said “your baby is so cute can I pet it?” I was so shocked I said no and walked off 🤣 I’m probably a bit over protective of my daughter so would have no problem telling a child to leave us alone in your situation.

I have ID twin toddlers and this happens to me a lot because so many young children are fascinated by twins. Honestly drives me bonkers when the parents don’t intervene as I am usually breaking a sweat running after and supervising my own two kids lol.
Nowadays I am polite for about 10 minutes or so but then I’ll ask the kid where their parents are. I tell them to go back to their own parents. And if they don’t then I head over to their parents myself and say something like “sorry, I’m so busy with my own two kids, I don’t think I can handle a third!” And they get the hint.

But yes, parents who don’t even provide a cursory glance in the direction of their kids are one of my biggest peeves.

I would do this without any hesitation. You didn't, hence your afternoon was ruined, because you're too soft. The parent must have been watching you with delight and very happy to have found a doormat who's going to take care of their child for free.

My own kids are annoying enough, let alone someone else’s.
In all seriousness, kids don’t get hints so the blunt but polite approach is required. Her parents should have noticed her latching on to another family, but they were either oblivious or ignorant so unfortunately you should have put your big girl pants on and told her to go back to her parents and been very firm about it.

She had the right to be in the space to play with the equipment, but that wasn't what she was doing was it? I'd have at least asked her who she came with/where mum was etc. And please leave dd alone so she can climb/crawl/whatever isn't rude. I certainly wouldn't have let some randomer join for a meal!

Why didn't you go and talk to her mother or responsible adult?

Just say this is important time for your two children to bond and be involved with each other, but you don't want their child to feel rejected. Maybe mum could take over and encourage child to play with other children.

This is something grown ups should resolve.

And if you can't find the parent - involve the staff. And tell them the same thing - and that you don't want to take responsibility for this extra child.

I commented earlier but I agree it can be awkward dealing with small children who you don’t know not matter how confident you are in other aspects of life and soft play is hell on earth in my opinion.

I do think you’re missing what most posters are saying though. I wouldn’t tell a 5 year old to go away or be mean and you can’t order a child out of a place where they have every right to be but your title was about allowing another child to ruin your afternoon by picking up your baby and making your 3 year old feel ignored.

In that situation you do have to learn to manage other children for the benefit of your own so saying no don’t pick the baby she doesn’t like it and moving away saying bye bye we’re going over here now or telling her it’s time for her to go back to her grown up and taking her if necessary when you have your lunch.

I’ve encountered a few of those sticky kids over the years and they all seem to have been desperately lacking attention from their own caregivers, so they latch on to normal, kind families instead. It’s very different from extrovert, outgoing dc who chat and are friendly.

I didn’t push them off brutally like most pps are recommending. Although once I had one follow me out of the playground to my car before their adult managed to stir themself.

It’s a posh form of neglect. So there’s no point expecting the screen addicted aupair or disinterested dp to rescue you. I wouldn’t be unkind to a child though.

But, your post isnt about your elderly neighbours!!

Simply put - just go and say to the adult who is with the child.

I understand that but, without knowing your story.

But, i honestly would feel so much more uncomfortable to say to a small child to leave us alone rather than go to the adult and just say 'Hey, can you grab your little girl, she's very sweet but, we are about to have lunch/play etc etc'.