To have let another child ruin our afternoon?

You updated your thread and you have received a lot of advice.

BUT, you havent answered why you spent the day there which apparently was ruined, had a kid constantly be around you and your family and you didnt want that to happen.

Why didnt you find the adult and explain the sitch to them?

Ha…I’m a teacher so just use “the look”. It basically says “off you fuck” without having to say a word!

I’ve had this happen a lot over the years, a simple please don’t pick the baby up and when you’ve had enough just say it’s time to go and find your mummy or daddy now , thank you for coming over to play and just keep saying it until she goes

Take both your children and walk away, leave the pest where she is, if her parents are remotely concerned they'll find her, she's not your responsibility.

Exactly. But this child’s mum clearly didn’t, which I guess is what made it harder for op to say “I don’t want you either actually.”

@Janch13 @Boogily Yes agree with you, a bit of kindness is the least you can show a young child.

Wow, I'm amazed that adults 'up and down the country' tell kids to just 'go away'. Quite harsh.

I would, as OP says, expected the parents to have read the situation and swooped in. Failing that, I would ask the girl politely to go back to her parents and say they must be missing you. If not, take her by the hand and ask 'where is your mummy/daddy?' and say to them that you were worried she was lost!

This. I don’t agree with the majority of pp’s telling you that you should have bluntly told her to go away. I know that my child of 4 would totally be upset by this, proper lump in the throat upset so a 5yo I imagine would too. (Not that I’d take my kid to a soft play and let them latch on to another individual/family for the whole time)

Please don’t be nasty to children, it’s not their fault their parent is ignoring them. Kids get excited by things, sounds like the girl took a liking to your baby and whilst she might have been a bit annoying it’s quite endearing that she wanted to hang around with your 2.

You’ll never know the circumstances and it breaks my heart for any child to be on the receiving end of rudeness from an adult… that girl could be on the spectrum, her mummy could be in hospital and she’s being looked after by someone else, etc etc, there’s a million things that could be the case here.

I would have just said to the girl “right we are going to have our lunch now, who are you here with, shall I help you find them” and then delivered her back to her caregiver with a comment along the lines of “she was with us quite a well so I thought you’d be worried about where she’s gone”

No need to be mean to a little child. Also what type of message is this sending to your own kids?

You don't have to be rude to tell a child to leave you all alone. I would say 'It was nice meeting you, glad you had a good time playing, we are going somewhere else now, I'll walk you back to your parents'. If she asks to join, say 'Sorry, not this time, have a great rest of the day'.

Yes but doesn't your child usually play with children the same age? It becomes problematic when older children want to manhandle little ones not understanding that they could hurt them or that the little one can't just walk off if they don't want to play.

I would have been fine with my five year old playing with another five year old or even a three/four year old playing with a five year old. But I wouldn't have been fine with five year olds in the baby/toddler area bothering little ones. Nor would I let my five year old interrupt someone else's lunch, even if they're not eating their food unless the other parent actively invited them to sit with them.

Find the parent and tell them to keep their child away from your baby. Tell the child to go back to their parent. If not find a staff member and take the child to the staff so that the parents can be found. Was the child there alone?

OP, the children have right to be at soft play and your neighbours in their garden, but they dont have the right to bother you. They can be in softplay/garden without bothering you. Its not about you pushing them out of physical space they have the right to be in, its pushing them out of your personal zone.

Yeah but it lets you know who the mum/carer is, so you can then tell them the child isn't leaving your baby alone so they do something about it.

Exactly this!! Its not difficult....but where were her parents whilst all this was happening!?

There is absolutely no evidence that this child was neurodiverse fgs! It is perfectly normal for a five year old to be fascinated with babies - they are practically indoctrinated to be that way with their imaginary playing with dolls, houses etc. They also are still in a very sweet narcissistic stage of development where they think the world revolves around them. They also don't get hints or nuance. None of that means they are autistic.

If a situation like this happens again just ask yourself how you would like someone to treat your child when they are being a bit unintentionally intrusive and annoying? There would be nothing unkind in saying "I can see you love babies and you are a great helper. This baby is learning to crawl and play by themselves so it's really very important that you don't touch them." If they do it again, it's ok to say "We need to go and find your grown up now." At lunch it is absolutely ok to say "We're having lunch now so you must go and find your grown up". None of it is the same as saying "GO AWAY".

I actually hated soft play with toddlers for this very reason... It didn't seem fun for any of us. When they got a bit older it was a far more relaxing experience for me.

Direct and kind is good. That fails, find parent. I would say there's a possibility this child is neuro diverse, based on my own experience. The parent may be at the end of their tether.

I'm the biggest people pleaser but I would have just told her it was time for her to go and been very direct. Leave us alone now, please.

they are desperate for any fragments of adult attention for a reason; they aren’t getting it from their own parents

Not true at all; you're getting a bit confused with little ones. Age 4+, it's totally normal for parents to encourage self sufficiency by sending kids off on to find other kids in a soft play; it's an enclosed safe place to learn independence. Most of them will check in and run back off a lot, but you might just not realise they're doing that if you niss a quick thumbs up or whatever. Our local soft play, parents of bigger kids are often upstairs with kids chatting through the top netting; if you were down in the baby area you might not see the kids interact even though they run by waving at their parent every 2 min. It's all ages and stages stuff; you really don't want one of those 5/6yo in parties who has to hide weeping behind mummy or daddy instead of joining in, because they've never had any practice, you need to find opportunities. Other adults getting involved is fine for a quick chat but more than that isn't helpful, and you should really should be sending them off to play as intended.

I think it's right to tell her to go back to her parent/s. I don't think it's right to say it in a mean way or in a way that would have a lasting negative impression on her for a long time. I'd tell a 5-year-old to 'go away' how my 5-year-old self would have had to be told. Firmly and with a smile.

At the end of the day OP the options are to put up with it, tell her to go away, or tell her parents/ the staff.

There's no point complaining about how you think people "should" be behaving. People do what they do and you choose how you respond to that.

You are not being U op. You did fine imo. Not much else to do. I see this sort of thing all the time at play parks/soft plays and the only thing to do is feel sorry for the children involved as they are desperate for any fragments of adult attention for a reason; they aren’t getting it from their own parents. If it was a one off they would either entertain themselves or play with other kids but usually this is their whole life. I especially see lots of younger kids being ‘parented’ by their not much older siblings. The sibling is usually so much more concerned for the welfare of the little ones 😢