Having an opinion on friend changing their kid's name

I actually think I would stop being friends with you just because of this opinion alone, it speaks volumes

The child is 3, they won't really understand nor care if their surname is changed. I've read your updates and still failing to understand why you have this opinion. He is an absent father, she is a present single mother... why would she want her child to keep his name? Why do you think they should?

Given name you would have a point but surname? No, I don't think you do.

As a child of a useless absentee father I'd have hated being stuck with his name when he's a stranger to me. It makes far more sense that the child shares a name with the primary carer parent. Unfortunately for your friend if he's on the BC it might not be easy to do if he objects.

We are a bog standard married all with same surname and teens got properly questioned when we travelled by ferry. So it’s not right this is never questioned. Absolutely agree with her she needs to legally change his name asap. Like hell will loser dad shift his arse to do anything about it.

Why on Earth would you think he should keep his father's name?

Ah, yes, I was forgetting only one parent has to be there (if married) at registration. That is essentially what it was, it's just treated as a re-registration rather than a name change, when they are under a year old.

Your poor friend has had an awful time. It's his surname not firstname. What 3 year old cares about a surname. And even so it's not your place to tell her how to parent (except if she did something dangerous of course).

Or am I missing something for example are you worried she's trying to wind up the dad with it?

Also the whole checks for travel thing is just because of the world we live in now, not the names.

Ive been stopped more travelling recently my younger children (primary age) than my older children (mid 20s) despite the fact the younger kids have the same name as me and the older ones don’t.

@Tinnedsalmonburgers yes, I don't think anyone around me understood why it was such a big deal when I was going through it, but it's a massive thing naming a child, and it's a horrible feeling when you think you've got it wrong. Postnatal thoughts and emotions are crazy but I'm glad to be out of it now!

That’ll be why that corner was cut. You’d have been assumed to have permission.

If your husband had later objected the registrar could have been in bother (and you).

Why would you say that when instead you could be a good friend and support her perfectly reasonable decision?

It’s not constantly but for official things like passports, driving licenses and DBS checks you have to declare previous names, similar to declaring a maiden name.

Some people think you can just change a child’s name and the old name vanishes forever and that’s not the case - I went to school with someone who didn’t realise until we were 16 that the surname she’d used since 2 wasn’t actually on her birth certificate as her Mum just never ever used it or mentioned it ever again!

We are married yes. He did give his permission to me but yes, it was all done via email and the registrar didn't contact him at all!

@fpurplea it won't be 'all the time' but I can imagine he might forget that he has a previous name, especially since he wouldn't have ever known it. Perhaps it's a non issue anyway though, as he was a child when it was done? It won't he on a lot of official things yet?

It should have required both parents if they were both named on the birth certificate as a name change requires permission of all parties with LR.

Are you married? That can also come into play (although it shouldn’t technically for a change) as one or other of you can register.

A genuine question to people saying he'd have to declare his original name all the time... why? Specifically, why is it different to a woman changing her name when she gets married? I can count on one hand the number of times I've had to declare my maiden name in over a decade of being married.

I am genuinely interested in the answer to this, I haven't a clue. Additionally, is this an issue experienced by people changing their children's surname to their family name when they get married, or double-barrelling?

If he's on the birth certificate she won't be able to do it without his permission anyway. My friend has two kids with an absolute deadbeat who doesn't have contact with them and she went to court to try change their names. The judge wouldn't allow it as he hadn't given permission.

Also those saying she needs permission - is that only the case when changed by deed poll? When my son's name was changed (under a year old) it didn't require both parents to give permission.

@Tinnedsalmonburgers i suffered from name regret because we didn't choose the one I had wanted for years. He was 6 months so didn't know his name. I think about it a lot still and it bothers me but I'm so glad his name is what it is. The name regret caused my PND. This went away immediately once we'd changed it. There were various reasons I wasn't happy with the previous name and I thought he wouldn't like it too (the biggest reason!)

Declaring a previous name isn’t a hassle really (I changed my first name) and he’ll get used to it.

However, with him on the birth certificate to do it officially she’ll need his permission.

She may also find schools and doctors surgeries won’t let her change it as easily to a “known as” name as they used to - primarily because if he objects to them it could pull them into any hassle. Things like a passport will have to be in his official name.

That's good to hear! It was always a worry of mine when I changed my son's (first) name, but I don't think it will ever crop up, as it changed on his birth certificate, rather than by deed poll and his old name hadn't been used for anything official yet.