Work event.. left me out of the planning

I've taken part in a 'guess the baby' team-building exercise before and yes, I was the only non-white baby. It took me ages to choose a photo I didn't mind being shared with my colleagues and all of 2 seconds for them to identify me!

I didn't mind, as race really wasn't the point. We had a few older people whose photos were obvious from the style of the picture, so they were quickly guessable too.

I do think the concern that a few other posters have raised about gender is more valid. It's obvious from looking at me that I'm not white. It's not a secret. Meet me in person, you know what I look like.

If someone had changed genders, a baby photo could well out them and that could be something they were keeping a secret. Plenty of people who are trans look like they were born that gender, and it's not on for HR to publicly out them all in the name of networking.

As someone who works in HR, I think it's reasonable for the OP to highlight the above concern and to suggest a change of icebreaker. They said their colleagues were nice (just possibly thoughtless) so I don't see why this wouldn't go down well.

Know your place, eh?! The white people have spoken! I say this as someone who is BAME but could ‘pass’ for white.

I’ve thought about this and I reckon that this could be a problem for 5 out of the 9 protected characteristics. (Sex, disability, age, gender reassignment and race.)

That is quite shocking when you think about it.

It is also a problem for anyone whose upbringing was difficult, is adopted or who is not in touch with family any more as they may struggle to find a suitable photo.

Spaghetti and marshmallows it is!

Please, pale blonde white lady, do continue explaining to the black woman what she should/should not be offended by.

Been there, done that.

Some twat literally came up to me and said "well, none of us will have any problems guessing which one is you!"

O for goodness' sake, I thought workplaces would have realised by now there are several reasons why this is not a good idea! Something very embarrassing came up when we tried to do this at my workplace which I won't share because it's outing, but everyone involved felt awful.

I think, just email the organisers quite bluntly saying what you have here. It's 2024, not 1994!

Fucking hell OP - that's the definition of othering!!!!

You must let them know. I'm so sorry - I have second hand embarrassment for them.

And no one in my workplace has ever raised an issue before, whatever their ethnicity.

Well if your workplace consists of some of the characters on this thread then issues have been raised and then brushed aside.

I'm shocked at the minimising comments OP. People are clueless. Absolutely clueless. I'm white. The level of ignorance is shocking.

Maybe you could email 'do you actually need me to come and talk to you about the complete lack of forethought or consideration of me when setting this task?'. Unless you feel you want to speak and be heard? If there's a chance you'll get a reaction like a lot of those on this thread, I wouldn't want you to put yourself through it.

I agree with you that this is a terrible idea. I’d also be very obvious because I have very distinctive limb deformities. The same would be true of someone with a facial difference.
You could also potentially get a person who has a GRC and doesn’t want their colleagues to see them in their previous “persona”.
The whole thing is an absolute minefield and I’d definitely say something about it before it goes ahead.

I think it's lack of thought. Hope you find a resolution OP.

My first reaction was that you were overreacting - it's a very common ice-breaker that I personally find stupid but hey. And no one in my workplace has ever raised an issue before, whatever their ethnicity.

That said, we are having a lot of talks about EDI, and if someone from my team had a problem with it I would definitely try to understand their concerns. I think the key point here is you being singled out.

I would raise the fact that you are uncomfortable about this request to your manager, and frame it within the context of the EDI training you've had.

Some really weird replies on this thread.

No - it is not ok and not "fun" to slip some casual racism and othering into a work event. It's also potentially othering to other people, as well as the OP and other posters have given some good examples of this.

Which came first, the casual racism or the lack of diversity in the office?

Again, it depends where your workplace is located. An office in Southall I would expect to have mainly Asian/Indian employees. An office in the Scottish highlands, you’d be lucky to get one BAME employee. And that’s ok, as it’s representative of the general population.

A horrible situation for you OP ... And also all icebreakers are total wank.

Careful, The PP might be an HR director.

Loving the posters saying you are overreacting about this. I'm white and yeah I wouldn't have seen a problem with this until we all whipped out our photographs and it became glaringly obvious what had just happened. Here we have someone posting about something that is going to put them in an uncomfortable position and I would hate for one of my colleagues to feel like this. I hate all this ice breaker bollocks anyway because all they do is cause unnecessary stress and who the fuck wants to look at over a hundred baby photos anyway.

Because it’s very different from hair and eye colour. And if you don’t understand that then you have an awful lot to learn.

Maybe just listen to what you’re being told. If you see nothing wrong with it then you absolutely need to listen, learn and simply accept what you’re being told.

I would raise this issue with the organisers. I am white so cannot compare to the discrimination you face on a daily basis and you are a clear example of the issues this type of thing can raise. I am adopted so do not have any photos of me as a baby so would need to submit one of me age around 6 years old. I too would feel uncomfortable having an 'odd one out' photo and the questions it would raise about why I didn't have a baby photo.

It is probably not intentional but just an clear example of how we do not consider inclusivity and how others may feel. The organisers may not realise there is so little diversity in your organisation.

JFC @Beautiful3 Are you for real?

I don't see anything wrong with it? We did the same activity. I'm the only blonde and pale member of staff, and everyone recognised me instantly. It doesn't matter, its an ice breaker. It's a bit of fun, why bring race into it?!

Not necessarily, that would be the case if there was an even playing field, but if good ethnic minority candidates are being overlooked by other companies you may have a greater proportion of good ethnic minority candidates to non ethnic candidates to chose from

It could be worse OP... This chap was the only black guy at a work event held at a former slave plantation. They were told to dress up, so he and his wife did. Pic links at top of story.

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wcstm8/company_throws_a_corporate_retreat_at_a/?rdt=41505