Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Married neighbour wanting me

137 replies

Namechanged000000 · 27/05/2024 22:19

I know both women and men cheat, but in my situation I've got a married man wanting me (single female)

He's one of my direct neighbours, he's married, no kids. 40s.

I've very clearly said no to him, that it would be unfair on his wife. I said if he was single yes. But he's not. And I made it very clear to him.

I get along with him as a neighbour, there's a few of us who all chat and have a laugh. I get on with his wife but I don't see her out and about as often as him. Me and him have never been alone other than if we bump into each other outside the houses. I've never flirted. I wouldn't say they were close friends but we get on as neighbours all of us. We're different families, some single some married, married with/without kids, some have kids that moved out etc. We've got quite a variety to set to scene.

My question is, why do married men look else where? He has a sex life with her. So why did he want me? They've been together two decades so surely this isn't the first time he's looked else where. Do they do it for control given I'm his neighbour? He's bored? I really don't understand it. If he's not happy I don't get why he doesn't just leave.

I just want to clarify again I will not be pursuing with it. And even if he did become single I wouldnt be with him as I couldnt trust him.

I'm so disappointed. He seemed like such a lovely guy and I've seen this whole other side of him with this. I look at him differently from how I used to. I'm shocked.

OP posts:
beatrix1234 · 27/05/2024 23:30

Namechanged000000 · 27/05/2024 22:45

I told him this after he said he wanted to be with me. I said "if you were single yes but you're married so no"

Show quote history

You shouldn’t have told him that, he sounds a bit narcissistic and he clearly read it as you giving him the “green flag”. You’re going to have to put some thick boundaries with this creep. If once told “no” he continues harassing you I would tell other people about his behaviour and embarrass him a little. What a creep.

MariaLuna · 27/05/2024 23:29

Tell his wife.

What a creep.

Deathbyfluffy · 27/05/2024 23:24

Namechanged000000 · 27/05/2024 23:04

My question in this post is why do married men look else where. That is why I posted. I didn't show any interest in him. I told him I wasn't interested because he is married.

Married women look elsewhere too - cheating isn't just men, I know of a heck of a lot of women who've strayed from their husband as soon as they're shown a tiny bit of attention elsewhere.

It's a species-wide issue, and it's depressing how fickle a lot of married people are these days.

Bigcat25 · 27/05/2024 23:22

Not trying to give you a hard time but it sounds like you're giving mixed messages, implying that if he left his wife, you'd be available, but also saying you wouldn't as he isn't trustworthy.

He's a scumbag and doesn't need false hope to soften the blow.

Original poster
Namechanged000000 · 27/05/2024 23:22

CarpetSlipper · 27/05/2024 23:21

He’s behaving this way because he’s a selfish dickhead who wants an ego boost.

It all about him, not you (or his wife). It’s not because he particularly likes you or finds you really attractive. It’s because you’re convenient, has opportunities to flirt and he thinks he’s in with a chance. He’s a creep and a horrible person.

Thank you. I completely agree.

OP posts:
CarpetSlipper · 27/05/2024 23:21

He’s behaving this way because he’s a selfish dickhead who wants an ego boost.

It all about him, not you (or his wife). It’s not because he particularly likes you or finds you really attractive. It’s because you’re convenient, has opportunities to flirt and he thinks he’s in with a chance. He’s a creep and a horrible person.

IdisagreeMrHochhauser · 27/05/2024 23:13

Why on earth would you say that about if he were single. He isn't but you've basically given him the green light to keep trying as he knows there's something there to work on. You should've told him in no uncertain terms that you're not interested. You've given yourself away to him and all of us.

StormingNorman · 27/05/2024 23:13

Namechanged000000 · 27/05/2024 23:05

I've told him the door is closed and that I'm not remotely interested at all.

Show quote history

No. You told him you were interested and his wife is the only reason he’s not getting a shag. You left the door open for negotiation and persuasion.

The way you phrase your posts suggests to me you are flattered. I find it revolting when married men come on to me. I get the proper ick and can’t get away quick enough.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 27/05/2024 23:09

Namechanged000000 · 27/05/2024 23:07

I also told him I would never be interested in him because I wouldn't be able to trust him given he's asked for me whilst married.

Bimey, how long did the conversation go on for?

You keep adding bits.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 27/05/2024 23:08

Namechanged000000 · 27/05/2024 23:04

My question in this post is why do married men look else where. That is why I posted. I didn't show any interest in him. I told him I wasn't interested because he is married.

Is this a serious question?

Boredom
Lack of sex at home
Because they can
Wanting to know they're still attractive to others
Feeling unwanted in their marriage

The same reasons women look elsewhere but you know this, surely?

StormingNorman · 27/05/2024 23:08

Namechanged000000 · 27/05/2024 22:45

I told him this after he said he wanted to be with me. I said "if you were single yes but you're married so no"

Show quote history

That was a mistake. You should have just said no. Particularly as you didn’t mean it.

Original poster
Namechanged000000 · 27/05/2024 23:07

I also told him I would never be interested in him because I wouldn't be able to trust him given he's asked for me whilst married.

OP posts:
TwattyMcFuckFace · 27/05/2024 23:07

I've very clearly said no to him, that it would be unfair on his wife. I said if he was single yes. But he's not. And I made it very clear to him.

He would've got one word from me - NO.

Original poster
Namechanged000000 · 27/05/2024 23:05

Arlanymor · 27/05/2024 22:59

You should have just said: "No, you're married" and left out the other part because it's making him think that the door isn't entirely closed...

Show quote history

I've told him the door is closed and that I'm not remotely interested at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechanged000000 · 27/05/2024 23:04

My question in this post is why do married men look else where. That is why I posted. I didn't show any interest in him. I told him I wasn't interested because he is married.

OP posts:
Pinkfurby · 27/05/2024 23:04

He doesn't want you particularly. He just wants some no strings sex and you are conveniently placed and look available. He wouldn't even need to drive or take an Uber! I wouldnt find that remotely flattering. Just threaten to tell his wife unless he drops it. Why on earth you told him you'd be interested if he was single is beyond me though. He now know you are attracted and he thinks he's in with a chance. Honestly these men are like Labradors on the trail of food. I can't see why you'd find this sleazy man attractive either. Goodness know what STIs he could have picked up.

Overtheatlantic · 27/05/2024 23:02

Honestly he sounds like a keeper!

Arlanymor · 27/05/2024 22:59

Namechanged000000 · 27/05/2024 22:45

I told him this after he said he wanted to be with me. I said "if you were single yes but you're married so no"

Show quote history

You should have just said: "No, you're married" and left out the other part because it's making him think that the door isn't entirely closed...

CountryMumof4 · 27/05/2024 22:59

He sounds like a real peach. I think telling him you would if he were single was a bad idea though - that's just encouraging him and letting him know you find him attractive. Keep your distance for the time being - he'll lose interest soon enough.

SwordToFlamethrower · 27/05/2024 22:58

You've said yes, if he were single?

That is where you've gone wrong, you've given him hope. He didn't hear your no, he heard your yes.

Tell his wife she is married to a bastard

PTSDBarbiegirl · 27/05/2024 22:56

Time for you to respond in an impactful way, "What an odd thing to say/do...is your wife interested in that". Creep.

LocalHobo · 27/05/2024 22:54

You have given him oxygen to imagine he stands a chance of a shag.
I'm not sure why you did not tell him to piss off when he first said he wanted to be with me That would have been a clear message.

SlashBeef · 27/05/2024 22:52

🙄

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 27/05/2024 22:51

It's not that complicated. People of both sexes (some not all) get bored in long term relationships/ marriages... familiarity/ routine/ conformity/ kids/ drudge/ financial burdens. The excitement goes. Their sex is quite likely quite routine too.

There's your answer.

Pussycat22 · 27/05/2024 22:47

Cake and eat it !!!!

Swipe left for the next trending thread