My ex is a d**k!!

That you’ve been able to really reflect on how you have felt/acted and why, is a real show of strength, OP.

You have given your daughter a family, not in the same way her dad has, but your family unit is not lesser.

Read your update OP. You've been really brave. Hope it all works out xxx

I'm really impressed that you have thought about this and owned your mistakes. You have reacted from a place of hurt and betrayal which is of course understandable but you are doing the right thing now by putting your daughter's feelings first. Don't beat yourself up, none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes. Encourage a good relationship with her siblings and stepmum. It doesn't take away from your relationship with her, nothing ever will - you are her mum 💕

Enjoy your daughter for now as when she realises what you've done she'll be off.

An, missed your latest post. It would really be incredible if you've had such a huge about turn. Don't take out your frustrations on your child's well being in the meantime.

OP, you aren’t a nasty person I’m sure and you aren’t batshit (names you have been called on here as I recall) but you have been misguided. You sound like a dedicated mum who loves her DD very much and who was very hurt when her father left. It’s hard not to be bitter.

It’s good that you posted here and that you have had your light-bulb moment because of all the comments.
Well done for contacting him and asking respectfully for what you want so that your DD can slowly get used to a weekend away with her other family. I hope he is reasonable in his response. I know how hard it will be for you to let her go.

Please just remember that the family court find it difficult to tolerate a set of parents who appear to want to outdo each other and can’t come to reasonable
and workable decisions/solutiins for the sake of their DC.

I'm so glad you have had the courage to listen to advice and to take it, after admitting your mistakes.
Well done, you are on the right path now.
Good luck to you and your little girl.

There's only one d**k here and it isn't the dad.
Chances are, if he does take this to family court, he will be awarded 50/50.its happening more and more often nowadays

Hello fellow women. Don't we all hate men and delete in ruining their lives? I know I sure do! Lets discuss all the ways we manipulate the family courts on here....

I have NO idea what you are talking about.

She isn’t and nor will a court think she is.
shes old enough to do 50/50 if she’s happy with that.

I wholeheartedly believe at least two of the posters on here are men pretending to be women.

I also believe that people like to create little traps for Mumsnetters.

I think the OP has flounced, but just to add my piece.....
We'd all think poorly of the Dads who don't want time with their kids. Yet, you're thinking the opposite.
I really don't get the 'kids should ONLY stay with their Mum', brigade. There are two parents, and unless he's abusing her in some way, then she should have access with him.
I do hope that you go away and think about all of this, and realise you need to think about your child first.

I hope someone he knows sees this thread and recognises the situation, honestly. You make yourself look worse with every post.

• They are her half siblings. She probably didn't think of think of as such due to the limited time she spent with them
• even if he is working, he probably wants her to have a relationship with his family
• he's been very understanding
• he should have some weekend fun time with his daughter
• it is good for daughters not to feel abandoned by their fathers
• you have no right to spend more time with her than him
• you are unreasonable

God, you're truly grim.

Oh behave!

Are you telling me that there is no RP out there who witholds their child just to get more money out of their ex? Because I know for a fact of at least 2 of the nasty people in RL.

In this case, eg the father may pay £100 per week based on 2 nights.
He would have to pay zero if he had her equal care.
Therefore he is prepared to have, and provide fairly, for his child yet she won't let him so not only does he lose time with HIS daughter, he has to pay her for the pleasure! I don't agree that when a Non RP is stopped access (that he can and will give) that he needs to pay her for those days she won't let him have.
If someone told me I wasn't allowed to see my children for the fair amount of time I'm entitled to AND then I had to pay to NOT see them, I'd be fuming! I'd rather use that money to provide for them by seeing them myself.
How can you not see this point?

What on earth are you on about? Me and my daughter's dad do 50/50, we're BOTH her parents. Unless there are abuse/neglect concerns (and if that was the case, I'm sure you wouldn't be happy with the current arrangement), why shouldn't it be equal?

But you are missing the point and conflating two separate issues.
There is no sense in which OP is taking anyone’s money. Child maintenance is for the child.
This is separate from OP apparently not understanding that her child might want some weekends with Dad.

Bandying around phrases like “happy to take his money” is misogynistic and feeds into a dangerous narrative .

I don't need to give my head a wobble thanks - perhaps you do?

The OP clearly stated in her FIRST post that she thinks he's trying to get out of paying CMS so this is also about money for her.
CMS is to pay for financial support in the absence of a child going to their other parents - therefore if she allowed him the access he wanted, then he wouldn't have to be paying it as HE WOULD also be providing for said child!
Never have I said that a parent shouldn't be paying towards a child, please correct me if I'm wrong?
More so pointing out that she may be preventing access to THEIR daughter so he has to pay more money to her.
She is only the resident parent because she won't allow him regular joint access.

I'm all for non RP paying what is rightfully owed. What I'm not for, is RP withholding access to their child just to obtain more CMS. That's wrong.

OP sounds like a poor female version of Trump, to be honest. There's no reasoning with that. Just feel sorry for her DD and XH.

Fuck! The more you post, the more batshit you sound. Seriously, try to take yourself out of the situation and read the replies. When such a high percentage are telling you you are wrong, does it not ring a bell on your head? Or do you think we don't understand what you're saying? I can't fathom (without abuse) any RP thinking your mindset is best for your child.

She’s too young to know what she really wants. - so when will you consider have able to have an opinion? You might be happy to dismiss her opinions, but the court won't.

He should be able to see his daughter every other weekend. YABVU

“Take his money” ???!!!
OP’s situation aside, attitudes like this are a SERIOUS problem. Give your head a wobble please. Child maintenance is for the child. Women are not “taking men’s money”, both parents have an obligation to financially support their children and resident parents end up taking the vast majority of the financial hit.

Nobody can predict what a Family Court will decide so it’s a bit of a waste of keyboard wear and tear to suggest it.

However, Family Courts will take into consideration the time children spend with each parent and their siblings (and that includes half-siblings).

They also understand the issue of ‘quality time’ (I hate the term but it is descriptive) by which is meant the time outside the routine of get up, breakfast, school, homework, tea, bath, bed. This is why children frequently spend alternate weekends and half the school holidays with the non-resident parent. The Courts also encourage children spend a weekday/night or two with the non-resident parent as that gives the non-resident parent a chance to engage with school work, other ‘boring’ routines and allows the child(ren) more time with half-siblings.

It is a fact of life that as so many parents work there will be occasions when a parent’s ‘new’ partner/spouse will have the child(ren) in their care. It’s what happens in families.

Children do need stability but at the age of 11 they are aware that different households can have different 'rules' or routines.

I would still suggest the OP speaks to a Family Court Solicitor is she can’t come to an amicable solution.

One thing the Family Courts will NOT do is take into consideration any Child Maintenance payments.

"Like minded Mums"
You mean Mums who think their child belongs to them and the Dad should be happy with scraps thrown at him. All the whilst clearly happy to take his money?!
This to me screams less about you having more time with your child, and more about wanting to get money out of your ex.