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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not make my son have his vaccine?

155 replies

Funkytuna · 27/05/2024 19:01

Hello all
So my 13 year old (ADHD and Autistic) was recently supposed to have his HPV vaccine in school. He point blank refused so it was rescheduled for the may half term at the local clinic. However, he is still very much refusing to have the vaccine. I've explained what its for and how serious cancer is (not that he needs me to tbh). But he is so stubborn its unreal. How would other parents deal with this? Both my children have always been up to date on their vaccines and I want him to take his health seriously. That being said it is his body and I cant physically force him.

OP posts:
Gremlinsateit · 28/05/2024 02:07

S0livagant · 27/05/2024 19:13

Male cancers associated with HPV are rare. Most men will clear the virus without any health problems. I would leave it up to him.

I’m not sure the science is with you on this.

marie3e · 28/05/2024 01:25

@FluentRubyDog you can't expect someone to take a vaccine they don't want for the sake of other people

Dartwarbler · 28/05/2024 00:49

Funkytuna · 27/05/2024 19:15

Thanks for your replies so far. Its a bit of a medical phobia in that he knows its going to be unpleasant and thinks its going to be painful. I've told him that the injection is very quick and only hurts for a second, however his arm may or may not be sore for a day or so after. I actually know if he just had it he'd be fine with the pain as he has a high pain threshold but his mind is amplifying it to be much worse than it actually will be.

The issue though is that once he starts needle phobia if not nipped in bud it’ll cause a lot of issues in years to come…vaccines are least of it!

no one likes needles, it’s about how resilient he is to handling that anticipation… what about some phobia therapy now before it gets entrenched

tell him not about vaccine, more about blood draws etc …he needs to learn to manage his reflexes

allowing him to opt out of needles isn’t an option Op. yep, he can defer vaccine for now but underlying issue needs be resolved

by the way of aside ,people saying he has low risk of cancer…it’s not why boys are being vaccinated…it is to prevent spread to their partners more…it’s to stop cervical cancers, and maybe throat cancers.

DaniMontyRae · 28/05/2024 00:47

BillyWhitney · 27/05/2024 22:40

Women over 40 will have to be aware and protect themselves in other ways.

There is no need to be having unprotected sex with a man who’s STI status you don’t know. It just isn’t a good idea.

Obviously some women are unvaccinated and are raped- but I don’t think “you had better have this vaccine in case you ever rape someone and pass on HPV” is an argument the op will use.

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Perhaps educate yourself before you go posting nonsense online. HPV can pass between people even if using condoms. There is also no test currently for men so to follow your idea means no one ever having unprotected sex again - might be a problem for birth rates. And that's before we get to how many men cheat and infect their partners that way.

https://onlinedoctor.lloydspharmacy.com/uk/sexual-health-advice/how-do-you-catch-hpv

How Do You Catch HPV

Do you know how you catch HPV and how it's spread?

https://onlinedoctor.lloydspharmacy.com/uk/sexual-health-advice/how-do-you-catch-hpv

RampantIvy · 28/05/2024 00:32

famlam · 28/05/2024 00:08

They are on the rise and no longer considered rare. My husband is only 53 and is currently undergoing treatment for throat cancer caused by hpv. It is incredibly brutal treatment to try and cure. Please get the vaccine

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I hope his treatment is successful Flowers. I have a family member who had throat cancer caused by HPV. The treatment truly is brutal but she has made a complete recovery.

famlam · 28/05/2024 00:08

S0livagant · 27/05/2024 19:13

Male cancers associated with HPV are rare. Most men will clear the virus without any health problems. I would leave it up to him.

They are on the rise and no longer considered rare. My husband is only 53 and is currently undergoing treatment for throat cancer caused by hpv. It is incredibly brutal treatment to try and cure. Please get the vaccine

FluentRubyDog · 28/05/2024 00:01

wendycupcakes · 27/05/2024 23:12

Both my children have only had 1 jab each when they was toddlers that was it never had any more after that.
Ive never had any myself.

And today we're walking through hospitals filled with posters for warning signs of measles again. The deaths of children from that will be on hands of people like you.

FluentRubyDog · 27/05/2024 23:56

Given the ASD, I'd provide a shedload of materials on exactly why it's neccessary. Demand he demonstrates he read and understood it as a condition of your (temporary, but don't tell him that) backing off. Then step back and periodically bring up the topic (every few weeks). Only once you notice signs of second thoughts offer inducements in form of something he REALLY wants. It'll happen within a year.

The trick is to allow his cognitive capabilities to bypass the fight or flight response, which is amplified in ASD.

Sorrybutnot · 27/05/2024 23:34

My dd and ds both refused their teenage vaccinations as they have autism and are needle phobic. I had to respect their decision

AllTheChaos · 27/05/2024 23:33

BillyWhitney · 27/05/2024 22:40

Women over 40 will have to be aware and protect themselves in other ways.

There is no need to be having unprotected sex with a man who’s STI status you don’t know. It just isn’t a good idea.

Obviously some women are unvaccinated and are raped- but I don’t think “you had better have this vaccine in case you ever rape someone and pass on HPV” is an argument the op will use.

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Condoms dont protect against this one. Just so you know.

marie3e · 27/05/2024 23:26

I read on the WHO website that one vaccine is enough

RampantIvy · 27/05/2024 23:21

wendycupcakes · 27/05/2024 23:12

Both my children have only had 1 jab each when they was toddlers that was it never had any more after that.
Ive never had any myself.

Why?

wendycupcakes · 27/05/2024 23:12

Both my children have only had 1 jab each when they was toddlers that was it never had any more after that.
Ive never had any myself.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/05/2024 23:11

QueenOfTheEntireFuckingUniverse · 27/05/2024 19:06

My DS hasn't had any vaccines since he was old enough to refuse. He has severe medical anxiety. He knows how serious the illnesses they protect you from are. But his anxiety is too bad.
It sucks. But I'm not going to force him.

Same with my dd. She has a medical condition, which is triggered by anything medical so it’s impossible for her to have injections, blood tests etc.

BillyWhitney · 27/05/2024 22:40

RubySquid · 27/05/2024 21:58

I believe the vaccine is only available to women 40 and under.

Show quote history

Women over 40 will have to be aware and protect themselves in other ways.

There is no need to be having unprotected sex with a man who’s STI status you don’t know. It just isn’t a good idea.

Obviously some women are unvaccinated and are raped- but I don’t think “you had better have this vaccine in case you ever rape someone and pass on HPV” is an argument the op will use.

RubySquid · 27/05/2024 21:58

BillyWhitney · 27/05/2024 21:48

Women can protect themselves by having the vaccine and not having unprotected sex (or not until they have been sti checked).

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I believe the vaccine is only available to women 40 and under.

BillyWhitney · 27/05/2024 21:48

Itstime2023 · 27/05/2024 20:38

Even if that were to be true (which someone else has addressed), it still leaves women at risk if a male is having unprotected intimate moments.

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Women can protect themselves by having the vaccine and not having unprotected sex (or not until they have been sti checked).

BillyWhitney · 27/05/2024 21:45

Bumblebeeinatree · 27/05/2024 20:16

Just tell him to suck it up it will be fine, when did these become children's decision.

Edited
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What rubbish.

marie3e · 27/05/2024 21:15

Have you talked to him about the disease it prevents ? Maybe show him pictures. Although, it's good at least there will be high immunity in others his age

RubySquid · 27/05/2024 21:07

FTPM1980 · 27/05/2024 20:51

Honestly HPV in a boy I would be tempted to leave it.
I am very much in favour of universal HPV vaccination but one reason universal vaccination coverage is important is to protect those that can't be vaccinated.
In a few years hopefully HPV will be at very low levels and his risk will be low.

The only issue is setting a precedent and making it harder for any future jabs

Hmm my brother had head/cancer through HPV and I had cervical cancer.

Maybe our family isn't good at clearing the virus. The teenage girls in family all had the jab but at the time my nephew was a year too old for the age group they started giving to boys. My brother paid nearly £400 to get him jabbed privately

Homebird8 · 27/05/2024 21:05

There's no reason why he couldn't reconsider in a few years if he's not keen to have it now. As long as it's before he's sexually active it won't make a difference. Even a bit after if herd immunity is at play.

Hankunamatata · 27/05/2024 21:01

My eldest adhder missed school hpv and now is refusing point blank. Iv explained and the reasonings and its a big no. Fine his choice I say though gritted teeth (evening though its really pissing me off)

S0livagant · 27/05/2024 20:58

Itstime2023 · 27/05/2024 20:38

Even if that were to be true (which someone else has addressed), it still leaves women at risk if a male is having unprotected intimate moments.

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Do you mean intimate moments the woman hasn't consented to? Otherwise, she can choose to be vaccinated herself should she wish, and choose who she wants to sleep with. Her body, her choice.

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