Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask when it might get better as a single or lone parent? Another bleak bank holiday

37 replies

Galone · 27/05/2024 13:49

I have ds 20 months. He sees his dad when it suits his dad. This means once for a few hours every couple of weeks. I’m so exhausted as I also work full time. This weekend I was supposed to go for a spa day and ex let me down on Friday morning and hasn’t seen dc at all this weekend. I’ve literally not stopped. I feel so low and everyone is busy with their families so even when we went to the park yesterday we were third wheeling my friend’s family.

I am so tired. I look awful because of it. I resent my ex so feel anger a lot which I know isn’t good. When will this get better? Or is this it now?

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 27/05/2024 14:20

My ds started karate at 5yo. Most of the parents sit in the viewing lounge and watch, drink coffee, chat, or read. It was a bargain at £7.50 for an hour's class. A babysitter costs more than that. 🙂

ConfusedNoMore · 27/05/2024 14:18

My ex was unreliable when ds was little. He slowly improved though he's still hugely selfish. I totally get that feeling of seeing families everywhere and having your plans screwed up. I had no family support.

But I have a great relationship with my son. We've had a lovely bank holiday weekend just pottering about, watching movies and stuff.

It does get easier. It's not the life you imagined and it's ok to feel grief over that and take time to come to terms with it.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Life changes. It never stays the same..

Original poster
Galone · 27/05/2024 14:15

@PopcornPop how old?

OP posts:
Original poster
Galone · 27/05/2024 14:15

@PopcornPop this is my exact worry x

OP posts:
Original poster
Galone · 27/05/2024 14:14

@Meadowfinch thanks. I guess I’m not desperate to leave them alone but more would love to know they could spend time with a friend at a house alone or they go to a class etc and I can leave them or sit in peace and watch

OP posts:
PopcornPop · 27/05/2024 14:12

It hasn't for me and mine are much older but they don't see their father at all. His choice. I don't feel any less resentful now they are older.

Meadowfinch · 27/05/2024 14:07

I think while they are tiny and you have an unco-operative ex, you need to reframe your days off to include your little one in the fun.

Days in the garden, or on a beach if there is one close by. Bucket & spadeing or eating ice creams. Invest in a couple of sun loungers for the garden and a sandpit. Grab five minutes in between when LO wants to play. Invite friends around.

Rather than a spa day, organise a home mani/pedicure.

You can't really leave them on their own until 12 or 13. I paired up with another single mum, and swapped/shared care for getting my hair cut etc.

My ex does about 10 nights a year (and thinks he's dad of the year !) My ds is 15 now and good company.

Original poster
Galone · 27/05/2024 13:55

Beezknees · 27/05/2024 13:53

Gets easier as they get older, it did for me anyway.

Mine is 16 now and does his own thing most of the time although he is coming with me to a cafe today!

@Beezknees thank you x

OP posts:
Original poster
Galone · 27/05/2024 13:54

ByCupidStunt · 27/05/2024 13:53

Yes do this. Let him take you to court for a formal order.

Show quote history

@ByCupidStunt @wizarddry

that doesn’t mean he would turn up though does it? He could just as easily not pick her up when scheduled to.

OP posts:
Beezknees · 27/05/2024 13:53

Gets easier as they get older, it did for me anyway.

Mine is 16 now and does his own thing most of the time although he is coming with me to a cafe today!

ByCupidStunt · 27/05/2024 13:53

wizarddry · 27/05/2024 13:50

Sort out a formal contact arrangement. None of this as and when he wants. If he doesn't come to collect on his day then that's it.

Yes do this. Let him take you to court for a formal order.

wizarddry · 27/05/2024 13:50

Sort out a formal contact arrangement. None of this as and when he wants. If he doesn't come to collect on his day then that's it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread