Wedding without marriage

Very true.

So they've taken out a big loan to cover the cost of the party.

Wedding gifts are helping to fund the holiday which isn't yet booked.

They're keen to start a family.

I bet you £300 that the holiday never takes place.

If people knew it was just a big party they may well have made different decisions about the use of their money and yes Id be seriously pissed having handed over a big chunk of money as a wedding gift to people who now weren't getting married and didn't know exactly when. The gifts and the guests are coming under false pretences.
eta: Id want my £300 back and they can have when they actually get married.

I once paid for a photographer at one of DHs BFFs wedding because they couldn’t afford it.

Marriage lasted three months.

Honestly in these situations you’re pissing money up the wall either way so don’t overthink it and go enjoy the day.

I'm with you @DelythBeautyQueen it's just a big party as far as I am concerned. Would I travel a long way and pay to stay over for a cousin's party? Quite possibly, to be honest, as I only have 2 first cousins and I am close to them both. But I certainly wouldn't be giving them money for it!

And the fact that they are not telling the truth about what is actually taking place immediately makes me think they know full well that what they are doing is underhand and deceitful.

@DelythBeautyQueen that was my thought exactly that cold feet and kids were coming into it somehow, sadly if they’ve been together that long that’s not a good sign! I do hope Anna sticks to her guns and ensures she is legally married before a baby arrives as that’s the surest way to put the honeymoon and legal ceremony on hold for ever.

You're not being unreasonable. It's rather odd that they aren't getting married. I have friends who had two weddings one in the UK and one in Vegas to get married by Elvis. They could afford it though and weren't asking for gifts or taking loans. I thought that was extravagant, but it wasn't my money. In this case, it is your money and seems it's being sought under false pretences.

Nailed it. One of them got cold feet.

A wedding is a marriage ceremony and celebration of the public commitment to the institution of marriage.

If they're not getting married it's not a wedding.

It may be a celebration of their love for each other & their personal commitment and it may imitate the traditions of a wedding, but it isn't a wedding.

Marriage is a very particular thing. It's legal and binding and a key institution of our society.

If people want a 'celebration of our love party' they should find a term for that otherwise it does seem like they are misleading people.

For me the legal part is the point. All the gushy 'undying love', 'soulmate' etc declarations are just so much hot air.

Without the legal bit, the actual commitments of children and mortgage are commitments to the children and to the mortgage company.

Not doing the legal part and trying to pass off a fake ceremony as a wedding feels dishonest to me.

I Don't really understand why people get hung up on the legal part....it only affects the couple.
They could have no legal marriage at all and it wouldn't bother me.

But I don't understand doing the legal part 18 months later abroad. It give no benefits at all.

So are they going to dress up as a bride and groom, to pretend to everyone, or will they be honest and tell all the guests that they're just paying for a holiday for them sometime next year?
It seems like someone got cold feet, maybe, and doesn't want the tie of marriage but is happy to have a fancy party and lie to all their friends and family!!

I think it’s deceitful. People are giving them money in good faith. Guests have been told the couple are having the legal ceremony before the party and have a right to know this isn’t the case before they part with their money.

You sent them £300?????? You are incredibly generous (and sadly, incredibly ripped off by this selfish pair of CFs)
Jesus, I think I'll divorce current spouse and look for another. Didn't realise it was so lucrative!

Con artists

If it was someone I was close to and also knew the reason why they werent getting married yet then I might, just might get on board with this.

Otherwise, my thought is 'self-indulgent claptrap'. Is anyone that interested in other people's declarations of love, commitment etc when it isnt backed up by the legal bit?

If I found out later that some people had been told and some hadnt then I would feel very insulted. Good enough to provide backdrop to someone's fantasy party but not good enough to know the truth.

Actually the bride and groom were from opposite ends of the country so plenty of people had an expensive journey and hotel stay.

They were conned in that the event wasn't what it was supposed to be, also some people didn't attend due to cost with distance and hotels and they might have if they knew it was a wedding so they missed out. Don't know if anyone complained about it but it could easily have caused an issue to people who like to make an issue about what other people do rather than just feel happy for them.

A close family member did this, people flew in from abroad, parents stumped up for the whole marquee, catering, cars, bride and bridesmaids traditional dresses, flowers.booze..the works. No legal bit was booked for 'tax reasons'. What a con

Shame you've already passed £300 over for a non wedding
Cheeky Fuckery of the highest order !

But that’s not really the same thing? Cost for attending a christening tends to be less than a wedding (token gift, less likely to travel so far, no hotel stay booked etc with the anticipation of drinking at a reception) - the guests in your scenario got to attend a wedding without that rigmarole and presumably got the christening they were invited to and expecting to attend. They were the opposite of conned in that they got two lovely events (and that sounds genuinely lovely) for the price of one! For the guests in your colleague’s scenario to feel conned it would be more like going to a christening only to be told on arrival that they were going to wait until the baby was old enough to decide what religion they wanted to follow so they were just going to attend a standard church service but they were still keeping the presents.

In the OPs case people are going to considerable effort (time and money etc) to attend what they think is a wedding when the legal aspect (which a lot of people do see as part and parcel of getting married) might never actually happen. I don’t think it would bother me too much personally, but I can see why it might others and it’s certainly unusual.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

Send this to the couple, they'll be up the creek without a paddle if they separate or die before having a legal ceremony l.

More like a fancy engagement party, Wonder why are they delaying the legal ceremony until their "honeymoon". Effectively you are funding their wedding. £300 down

Is this the new faking cancer?

Go to the party if you feel like it. They prob won’t marry. They’ll be the family cringe forever tho.