Visitors inviting themselves after major surgery

Yanbu I think its one of them things people don't get unless they've had major surgery or spent a lot of time staying in hospital. What a toll it takes on your body and how exhausted you feel. Hope you start feeling better soon. All the best.

Must be an amazing car. I don't think I've ever cared enough about anyone's new car to want to see it. I know I'm missing the point. Your husband could have gone to theirs. Or they could have come over and shown off their car outside and you stay in bed and they are not invited in.

But on the whole I don't think you're being unreasonable and I hope you get better soon and that it's not bad news.

This. Coming over to show you their CAR? So weird.

Agree wholeheartedly.
But like you say, not the case here. OP was explicit about that.

You only have to briefly peruse
the relationship boards to know that a lot of women don’t realise how unacceptable their husband’s behaviour is until it’s pointed out to them by others. That doesn’t seem to be the case here but it’s certainly not always that way.

My dh has done this, I just tnd to stay in my room He can deal with them.

According to you.
The OP has taken it as it occurs in her marriage, relationship and household.

You'll just have to accept her take on it. She would know, after all.

Wow that's so uncaring of her. She doesn't think you're that unwell?! I feel really sorry for you awaiting your results. I pray to God it's not cancer. I'd tell your husband never to have them over again.

I think forgetting your wife has a migraine and inviting people round is mildly thoughtless. Forgetting your wife has had surgery and is awaiting a potential cancer diagnosis and inviting people round is not mildly thoughtless. Doesn’t make him a bad person but requires a profuse apology and immediate rectification by taking it upon himself to rescind the invitation/acceptance of a visit.

All these posters determined to have a problem with the dh, despite the fact that OP doesn't.

He was mildly thoughtless then apologised. She's good with that. It was never the issue.
Accept it.

He would have done. OP messaged under her own steam rather than wait.

I’d need to see what your text said to know what she was responding to. TBH it can’t be anymore outing than the details we already have.

I told my DH that I’d message the wife and ask them to postpone it

That's where husband should have stepped in & cancelled/postponed/rearranged not involving Op.

Op don't bother yourself with the nobody's on here who are trying to upset you. They are the types who will pick a fight no matter right or wrong. Just focus on your recovery.

Read all your threads back in order. You dont communicate politely, that’s why your thread isn’t going very well.

How did you word your text I’m wondering.

Then I wouldn't be in the next time they visit

It's an irritating 'joke'. It's what some people say happens on here but I've only seen it suggested when the husband has been abusive or obviously doesn't give a shiny shit.

Irrespective your husband has been thoughtless. It was up to him to resolve it and he should have contacted the husband who he made the arrangement with rather than you contacting the wife who's not even your friend.

That being said you should never invite yourself round when someone has had a major op so recently and if you do make that mistake you should be very understanding if the person says they're too ill for visitors. I don't know why she's got a problem with this and I wouldn't be too keen to meet up with her in the near future.

Sorry you're unwell OP, and you really didn't deserve a snarky reply from the "friend".
But for future reference if DH arranges something like this then let him sort it out. HE agreed an arrangement with HIS friend and then you got involved in cancelling it with the wife!

Why would you even get involved? He should have either contacted his friend again and said sorry DW still recovering and we need to postpone, or he arranges to meet them somewhere and goes himself.

Can't you just stay in bed and let him get on with it? What's what I'd do!

hope you feel better soon

I don't really understand the situation.

If my OH's friends were coming over to show them their car I'd be leaving them to it, especially if I was ill and resting in bed. They don't need to come in the house, they can drive off and have some food somewhere, go for a walk, go to the pub for a quick one etc.

I wouldn't tell my OH who of his friends he could or couldn't see, and I wouldn't be texting them myself to cancel. If I was the OH I'd be making plans that made sense for everybody in the situation in the first place. Doesn't require a "No," just a "Just so you know, this would work better..."

It is pretty relevant, how they brought up a visit, how your DH responded, what you messaged the DW and what she said back.

If they've made a general suggestion 'hey we got a new car, shall we come over X weekend to let you have a nosey at it?'... thats not really 'inviting yourself' thats suggesting something, to which your DH has agreed.

So depending on your wording, the DW might have felt your message was quite rude and responded accordingly.

We can't possibly know unless you reveal exactly what was said.

How very rude of her to answer like that! I think that says a lot about her as a person…. You’ve asked to reschedule as you are recovering from surgery. She should have said I’m so sorry of course do hope all went well is there anything we can do… but no, she implies you can’t be that unwell…
I would not forget that…..

I would ask DH to ring the husband and say that you are recovering from surgery that it was a major operation and you are not up to visitors. And that you had been rather upset that xx seemed to suggest you weren’t that unwell….

Personally, I would struggle to get past that comment and would see them in a new light.

Good luck with your recovery OP hope all is well.

This.

May be you can swap photos - they can send some of their new car and you can be suitably impressed and make the right noises.

You can send pictures of your wound and she can act in a more empathetic manner!

(Or perhaps not the latter part.)

Some want to show off their goods, lifestyles etc.

Some don’t want to talk health matters/illness/cancer. If you don’t talk it doesn’t exist - a perfectly curated instagrammed world.

I suspect she has both these character traits. Lucky her!

When my DW had cancer most of our friends were 100% fine and supportive. One of two avoided us, to the extent of deliberately crossing the road to avoid my DW.

Hope your infection clears up and you get good news.

Not one single person has said you have to leave even or even that you should think about it.