Why don't people reply to party invitations?

Ah, you're one of them . . . 🙄

Maybe they didn't get it in the first place! 🙈
I'm the one always being chased up by other mums who want to know why I haven't replied - because it's still in his bloody drawer at school that's why!

You should be ok then, I had a bit of a shock with a village hall and bouncy castle type party!

Be prepared for the ones who don't rsvp to turn up with 3 siblings in tow.

We're all different so in large number parties in a varied area there will be an assortment.

They'll be the ones who respond straight away, those who wait till nearer the time, those who don't respond at all but don't come and those who just turn up.

The hosts will all be different too though. So there's the host who is really put out at those who deviate from their preferred rsvp method, and the hosts who are super chill led and are fine with anything.

Dealing with a devastated 9 year old not invited to a 4 girl party because you’ve been lax and high handed and treated parties disdainfully in the past will be zero fun. They don’t stay tiny and oblivious for long.

The mass party thing is a short phase to be honest once they get to 6 or 7 it’s usually close friends only that’s when it gets cruel if your child isn’t invited - then I imagine some of the blase oh we are too busy for all these parties non rsvp ers will change their tune on this.

I never said a week was unreasonable. I said more than a week was unreasonable.

It is just a kids party, when did they become so complicated, if you keep it simple it is easy to be flexible. I wouldn't use a venue that needed more than a weeks notice for numbers, more reasonable venues we used knew people couldn't commit to firm numbers any earlier.

Of course people can plan their weekends more than a week in advance if it is something important like a wedding, weekend break etc, but not writing off the best part of a whole day at the weekend for a 2hr soft play session with a child your dc rarely plays with

@Hotttchoc that's fair. 2 weeks to RSVP is completely reasonable and whoever doesn't even reply to that is a knobhead who doesn't deserve to be there.

I'm thinking of people who try to organize a coffee or dinner in 2 months' time and get pissy when you won't commit. I'm finding people are trying to organize stuff more and more in advance. I don't know if it's a trend or part of getting older with more commitments but it stresses me out (and is totally incompatible with mine and DH's working lives).

An expectation of a RSVP to a full class party more than a week in advance is unreasonable imo.

Most kids in ds's class had full class parties in early primary so there were around 15-20 a year, too many to commit to weeks in advance unless it is a closer friend that we would make the effort to go to, especially when they are usually 2hrs in the middle of the day making if difficult to do anything else that day.

If you tell me I am too late RSVPing when I do reply, no big deal.

Any full class parties ds had we put a 1 week RSVP, and didn't take it personally if there were last minute replies/changes. I was so glad when the full class party years were over and they moved onto small close friends days out instead.

When I've tried to arrange things, like recently for a big birthday, I don't expect everyone to answer straight away, but if I ask for people to confirm/decline because I'm trying to sort numbers for catering etc, and they still don't respond, then I'll remove them from the event as assuming they aren't coming.
It takes seconds to respond.

They’re rude but at the same time I’m not a fan of being sent invited to kids birthday parties 2 months in advance.

@TheaBrandt I always respond immediately and very politely (I can think fuck off, obviously won't say it, I'm not a degenerate...this is an anonymous forum explaining our thinking). But my reply won't be a yes unless it's an important event or something I really want to go to. And if the person making the invitation says I really need to know numbers for catering - I'll say apologies, I won't make it. Leave it at that.

Rudeness

Maybe they haven't found a system for life admin that works for them. It took me a while to figure it out. I'm fairly sure I've got ADHD in some form - I have to RSVP immediately and put it in the Google calendar immediately and then put the invitation on the fridge. Then figure out when and who should buy the present and put that in the Google calendar and if it's me send a mail to my work email to put it in my work calendar. If I get interrupted at any point in that process there's a good chance I will never get back on track.

I usually put a kid's party in the calendar as soon as it arrives, but the invitation usually comes via WhatsApp during school hours, so I wait to reply until I've double checked with DH that there's nothing else on that day (because he is rubbish at adding things to the joint calendar) and that the DC actually wants to go. Then it's busy when I check and forget to answer, but it's firmly committed in my head.

I've never turned up without replying, but I have been chased a lot I do reply straightaway to very close friends because I know DC will want to, but big parties I can forget to reply, or reply much later than the invitation when others are replying on the group or there's a chaser message.

Don’t know1988 sounds insane. Why so aggressive towards someone who has been nice enough to invite you to something and wants to host you?! How on earth do you respond to those who have actually wronged you? Nuclear warheads?!

I'd live it if DHs job was more predictable. But its not. Im currently rearranging my plans for next weekend as he will be on a work trip... which he found out about on Thursday. Its an urgent one. Fortunately my friends are more understanding than most people around here
I always replied by the rsvp deadline by the way... and was honest about it.

The real life response BTW was often "just bring the other one too"... another concept alien to Mumsnet.