Wwyd if your partner did this….

For all those jumping to "she's a shit mother" I am forever appalled by people's assumptions on here without full understanding. Yes this may be the case, but for all anyone knows there could be significant coercion and control that means it isn't always just as easy as leaving, no matter what has happened.

OP - you need to speak to your friend. She obviously trusted you enough to tell you in the first place. This behaviour is not ok and the children should not be around it.

I believe that you as her friend can also apply for the Claire's Law disclosure. If there is anything to disclose the police will disclose it directly to your friend. I'd there is past history maybe it will be a wake up call, and if she continues to fail her children despite having had that disclosure, that decision to ignore it may be something extra that the safeguarding teams can take into account.

^ Indeed.

YANBU- he’s vile, wonder what else he does. It’ll escalate as he knows now he can get away with it.

How long had they been together when he moved in. Doesn't she know it's possible to have a relationship without living together, then he doesn't have to meet her dc.

I’d have to report it as this mother isn’t going to safeguard her children. She’s clearly so blinkered that this guy could do anything and she still wouldn’t throw him out. I’d be prepared to lose the friendship as I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to one of the children. In the cases where children die there’s always people who kind of knew / suspected but didn’t do anything. I know it’s hard but when a child is involved I’d have to report. I agree with a previous comment that you could contact the child’s school if you’d prefer, perhaps even an anonymous letter. They’d be legally bound to investigate and report. The friend might not know it’s you as kids tend to tell their friends about this kind of stuff.

My friend had the police knock on her door one Sunday evening as her teenager had an argument with her dad and tried to block him from entering her room and she banged her head. She then told her friendship group via message her dad had hurt her head and a parent reported it. My friend was angry with the parent but I said that you can’t blame her if she genuinely though the child was in danger.

In reality it shouldn't need reporting as the mother should deal with this. That is the core issue.

Not sure social services has the capacity for this kind of abuse

@whyey presumably you have reported this to social services? What did they say?

You need to report this. What kind of mother allows this? There's no excuse and very likely part of a bigger picture.

Yes it needs reporting to school and ss. Nothing may happen but it may form part of a bigger picture

Jesus, if someone did this to my DOG they'd be out of my life!

Call social services yourself. Google mash and your local county and then ring the number on there. Those kids need an adult to advocate for them and prioritise their safety and it’s not going to be her so it has to be you. You can ask to remain anonymous and even if they suspect it’s you then tough tits for them.

How hot was the drink? Was the child scalded?

Obviously it was appalling behaviour whatever, but if the child was injured then reporting it is vital because he clearly knew the drink was hot enough to do harm (as opposed to lukewarm)

What has she said about the incident? Does she feel it’s a minor thing or is she also appalled? Do you think there’s a chance she might be too scared of his reaction to leave him?
I wouldn’t accept anyone putting my kids in harm’s way with dangerous driving and throwing things so he’d have to go, but I would also feel pretty scared of him at this point

@whyey your friend is failing her children. Please report to social services and if you can get a word with the kids, tell them to tell teachers etc.

Your friend needs a wake up call. This is apalling.

Her poor kids, coming second to an abusive arsehole because their mum values her relationship with him more than their wellbeing.

This is what I was thinking, but I also wonder what sort of abuse, if any, the poor mother is dealing with. I’ve been the kid in this situation. It was over 30 years ago and I haven’t seen him since, but it’s had a long lasting effect on my life, my self worth, my MH, life choices etc.

Why haven't you reported him??

Definitely report the incident @whyey .

You should report this op, part of me would want to tell her I have done so but a bigger part wouldn't so I can keep an eye on anything else that's going on.

Wwyd- I would report to safeguarding today.

AIBU- of course you're not.

Your "friend" is a sad excuse for a mother. Those poor children..

You need to report this

If he reacts that way in front of her what the hell is he capable of when she's not looking! She's pretty much saying his behaviour is acceptable both to him and her children.

Of course it’s not acceptable at all and you should report it to SS.

If she will not leave or report him you should. Report to the school and to social services. You may lose the friendship but you may save the child. That’s more important.

I'd be reporting him to social services myself if the mother doesn't plan to.

She's setting up her daughters for a lifetime of abuse. She's teaching them that this type of abusive behaviour is normal and acceptable..