Bf doesn't understand grief

He’s not a weed smoker.

He's an addict.

You do not need this in your life, OP. You’re far too young to throw it away on a man who prioritises himself and his drugs over you. From your updates he also sounds manipulative. You deserve better.

So sorry for your loss!

You lost me at weed smoker….get rid of him he’s a selfish waste of space.

Condolences on your loss.

Sorry for your loss. Get rid of the stoner- he won’t change and the rest of your life will follow this disappointing pattern. Take care of yourself and look forward to a future with someone supportive.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. My stepdad died last January and my family and I are still grieving. This so-called bf sounds like an arse and that's putting it mildly. Get rid of him - he's horribly selfish.

Oh OP, I’m so sorry about your step-dad. 💐. My lovely step-dad died suddenly four and a half years ago, I still miss him and most days have a little moment where I think “wish dad was here” - especially as DM is now in palliative care - but I promise you the grief slowly becomes easier to bare and your life/world sort of spreads out to encompass it. As time passes the grief - which is an expression of love, really - is still a part of your world and who you are, but it becomes less central, much less overwhelming and a manageable aspect of your life.

To compare your “boyfriend” with my selfish, lying scumbag of an ex husband - when my DF died I had no idea that ex husband (who worked down in London a lot) had not just one, but two mistresses on the go there. When I called him about DF he dropped everything - including whatever woman he was with 😆- and came straight home to support me and our DC. He held me while I cried and screamed at the universe and took care of DC. This is the basic, minimum human response I would expect from any kind of ‘partner’. One of the most
selfish human beings I’ve ever known managed to respond in a much more helpful, supportive way than your “boyfriend”.

I’m willing to bet good money that your dad had some opinions about your BF that you perhaps never heard. What do you think he’d say about how your BF has behaved? Would he say you deserve so, so much better?

The BF sounds like a thoroughly pathetic addict with arrested emotional development. Who is the World refuses to go to a wake and stomps off in a temper from a funeral?! He managed to make it all about him, not giving a fuck about you and how you would cope.

You can’t have a life with this man-child. You can’t plan a future. You can’t rely on him when you need him most. As others have said, his priorities are himself and weed. What an absolute bell end of a loser.

Perhaps try to see this experience, and having the clarity to end things with this complete non-entity of a man, as a final and lasting gift from your dad. You deserve someone who adores you and will go above and beyond to support you when traumatic things happen. I promise you it’s lonelier and sadder in a shitty relationship than it is to be on your own.

You sound lovely and intelligent and your future can be anything you want to make it - but you really need to ditch the dead wood and free yourself from this, frankly, absolute fucking self-obsessed dickhead.

He’s a waste of space. One thing struck me though. You said you wanted a break on the morning of the funeral…so he essentially gave you what you wanted by not going and putting a timeframe around contact. I’m ND so that may be why I would take you at your word and start the break then and there. But it is probably best to be clearer or bide your time if this happens in future relationships.

Sorry to hear about your step father, OP.
Inability to handle grief doesn't sound like the main issue with your bf though - he sounds too self absorbed to support you emotionally in any way at all. You deserve better.

So sorry for your loss. Of course you are reeling.
Do yourself a favour and dump that waste of space.
I despair when I read of young women with weed smoking boyfriends.
It is shorthand for selfish wastes of space that are highly unlikely to amount to much. Anecdotal evidence links weed smoking to such a lack of ambition and depressive redundancies.
Not what you want in a long term partner.
You deserve so much better and have wasted enough time on him.
Dump and grieve in peace....this is who he is, a waster.

He is a selfish weed smoker, you really don't need him in your life. He brings you nothing but more stress and grief so bin him. You don't owe him anything.

Why would you commit your life to him. Move on and find a life partner. You’re wasting time with him.

If you've only been together 18 months, you're probably still getting the 'best' of him. 🙄

Don't waste any more of your life on this awful waste of space.

Honestly, it's the useless sleeping stoner element that would bother me more than him being awkward around your grief. (If someone hasn't experienced that level of grief themselves it can be hard to know how best to approach it in others).

One of those situations will improve as time moves on and you're no longer in the thick of it. The other will very likely not change at all.

Bin him off before you're back here in a year or two talking about your useless stoner boyfriend, or worse the useless stoner father of your kid.

edited to add; Sorry for your loss OP x

He’s a drug addict. Don’t waste another minute on this waster.

Been there done that. Wasted 6 years of my life with a narcissist weed smoker who only cares about weed and getting money to buy weed. He would sleep all the time, mainly because he didn't have weed or he was too stoned to stay awake.

Get out while you can. It's not worth it. As long as he's smoking weed you will always be 4th in his list of priorities after weed, money and himself

Sorry for your loss. Grieve in.a way that suits u not anyone else
There isn't a right or wrong way. It difficult if you cannot grieve freely as often.we are also supporting others. Be kind to yourself.

No one understands grief if they aren't grieving.

However your bf is a shit and you should dump him. Being alone would be better than him!

No point having a partner or bf if they can't support you when you need them. I would definitely dump him.

Shame
you didn’t enable voting because I’m pretty sure it would be a unanimous YANBU.

As a PP said, you are under reacting here. Get rid. This manchild
will only bring you unhappiness. I’m sorry for your loss 💐

As is the boyfriend! 😏

No one understands grief. I would say though that this is secondary here. His behaviour would be the same whatever life changing event. He is not good boyfriend material. Give him.unlimoted space and urself a massive break by dumping his waste of space ass.

Sorry about your step dad. This really is a no brainer.