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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think some people just aren't cut out for relationships?

28 replies

jumpingbean1810 · 27/05/2024 07:29

I've been seeing someone since last October. It's been a slow burn and I felt really positive about it. About six months in he told me he loved me and I thought I felt the same, however doubts started creeping in. His sarcasm which initially was funny I now find grating, his confidence which previously was attractive is now cringe inducing, the loud laugh etc. He's kind, non judgemental, respects my independence and is good for me in lots of ways but I've got the sinking feeling of inevitably that I get with all relationships, that he's not the one and I'll be single again soon.

I don't know if I just pick the wrong ones. I'm attracted to confident men but dislike the bravado, and when I've been out with quieter types I've also got frustrated. I'm in my 50s and spent more time single than in a relationship. I haven't had a relationship last longer than a year for 15 years.

I like the idea of a relationship as I do get lonely, but can't seem to find the right person or know how to maintain one. I think I probably have completely unrealistic expectations. I'm embarrassed to tell people, once again, it's a relationship fail.

Are some people better off single and is it just better to reconcile myself to that and if so, how? If not, any suggestions on how to do things differently to achieve a different outcome? Please be kind, thanks.

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 27/05/2024 07:49

I think there has to be some sort of compromise in all relationships, but if you really have to work at it or overlook many annoyances then it probably isn't going to work long-term (especially if this is happening only 8 months in).

I have noticed with my female friends that they get choosier as they get older. Doesn't seem to happen with the males! Maybe 'youth' makes things seem rosier or maybe when you are older you know yourself better and have things generally worked out how you like them so are less willing to change and/or compromise? Or maybe they recognise patterns from previous relationships and think "been here, done that, this isn't working".

OmuraWhale · 27/05/2024 07:46

I'm a really laid back and easy going person. I'm very happy with DH, but I also think that if we hadn't got together there are lots of other people I could have been happy with. You sound like the opposite! So yes, I think maybe relationships will be harder for you if you tend to get irritated by the other person. I think maybe you either need to be accepting of minor flaws, or you need to make peace with the fact that you're happier being single and that's absolutely fine.

MagnetCarHair · 27/05/2024 07:38

Well, I think you could start by putting down the notion of 'the one'. I don't think it's helpful to think that there is some, entirely suitable, complementary person out there who would entirely ameliorate any requirements to tolerate imperfections in another person.