Not wanting my Dad to hold the baby?

Oh I also had a hand loop for the pram that was handy. We live down a steep hill and I always worried about tripping and letting go.

Saw someone nearly do it at traffic lights down a slope. Mum let go and just grabbed in time. You can all use it so it's not just him.

Can you just make sure he gets to hold him while sat down?

I don't think you specifically need to ban him but just make sure you do the lifting out of the car or down the stairs.

If you know you are going somewhere then give him to your dad while he's on the sofa and then lift him up to you to say 'right let's get ready'.

I'd imagine the fall has given him quite a shock anyway.

Your dad can still be referred to the stroke team now. Both for future prevention and see if any physio etc will help.

But you are doing the right thing with no walking or carrying the baby. And the suggestion of a sling is just silly as he’ll fall and squash the baby and no one can stop that. But pushing a pram when someone else doubts the baby in sounds fine. Or bathing or changing if someone else lifts etc. And baby will soon be crawling and crawl to him and climb etc. Get a set of the padded steps for dogs to climb on the sofa and they can climb up to sit next to him to play etc

When we realised that my FIL was no longer a safe pair of hands, we spoke to MIL about it first. Fortunately she was very on board with our concerns (though of course she felt for him) as she absolutely adored her little DGDs and would be horrified to have them hurt a hair on their heads. She managed to have a conversation with him (which I'm sure must have been tricky) and eventually he managed to find his own role in their lives that didn't involve anything that he couldn't safely do.

But I was extraordinarily lucky in my in laws. I recognise that this might not work for everyone.

Definitely not unreasonable. He can still hold baby whilst sitting down, or sit down with him and play. You’re not taking away being a grandparent, there’ll be plenty of things he can still do, especially as ds grows and starts crawling/walking and playing more. But you need to put DS’s safety first, and I understand your dad may be in denial about what’s happening to him, but surely he’ll want his grandchild’s safety to be paramount too, especially after this incident which could have been far worse.

Don’t listen to the sling suggestion- that seems potentially even more dangerous. Just find other ways for your dad to interact with DS.

As someone else mentioned too, you should replace the car seat following the fall.

Get him sat down in an arm chair and give him the baby. When he's had enough take her away.

However upset your parents may be by the conversation you need to have with them it is nothing to how you and they will feel if anything else happens to your baby. Thank goodness your baby was in the car seat and not being carried - I would do anything to protect my grandchildren and if that meant I would have to limit what I did because of their safety I would do it. I imagine both your parents have been running over the what might have happened over and over again and may be relieved to have the conversation as they may worry they are letting you down by admitting they can't do as much childcare as they would wish to

This sounds difficult OP. My MIL had a severe stroke some years ago so her level of interaction with our imminent DC will be limited (she walks with a stick herself and has reduced movement in one arm so couldn't carry them around at all).

What I would say is that still after 5 years she has regularly physical therapy that is always improving her range of mobility and balance. She's got much better at stairs over the past year and can hop now (if the mood takes her!) which was impossible before. It's definitely worth your Dad exploring physical therapy options.

PILs weren't allowed to hold DS unless they were sitting becuase they weren't stable on their feet. Risk vs benefit. Your dad will be upset. But your baby could be killed by him falling while holding them. Absolutely don't let him baby wear, his weight would crush the baby.

I'd definitely buy a new car seat "might he ok" is not good enough for something that saves your baby's life .

We had a very similar situation where my dad stumbled luckily didn't quite fall when carrying DS.
I didn't let him walk around carrying DS after that.
But DS is 3 now and has a fantastic relationship with his grandad. He loves playing with him or being read to. They garden together.
Just wanted to reassure you that your DS can still have a brilliant bond with your dad even if he can't do loads with him right now.

My DF had a stroke and didn't have 'treatment' afterwards, even though he was in the hospital. He did have therapy though. One of the things he suffered from was 'peripheral blindness', whereby the brain simply did not interpret what his eyes saw on the periphery on his RHS. It wore off to an extent, but there was always a weakness to that side. His stroke was obvious because it happened in the language centre so he went from speaking proper words to nonsense and not knowing he wasn't speaking properly, and then a chunk of language just went, and had to be relearned.

After 2 weeks the majority of the swelling will have gone down, so they can assess the damage which I think is where you're at. The brain can make new pathways to information etc around the damaged area with therapy. So it's not too late to get some sort of therapy. My DF continued to improve even years later, but it was slow going and he never fully got better. His stroke was as big as you can get without dying though, and it sounds like your DFs might be smaller.

GP would be perfectly able to refer your dad to OT and Physio now.

Who is this superhuman who can safely catch a grown man carrying a baby when he suddenly stumbles? It’s not safe!

Do you have a sling? Could your dad maybe carry DS in the sling with someone close by in case he stumbles? Obviously on even ground!

I don’t think you’re unreasonable.

Your Dad should see his GP and ask for a referral to the local falls clinic if your area has one. Most areas do and they’re a holistic service which looks for the causes of falls eg blood pressure, inner ear issues and will review meditation but they all have OT and physio who will assess and provide appropriate exercises as part of a one stop appointment.

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to need to limit how he holds the baby, and it’s a great post earlier that explores what he can do - he absolutely can have a great and active relationship with his grandchild.

But it does sound like you need to push your parents on being more realistic about your father’s needs, and get him back to the GP for proper advice and investigation. Has there been no follow up at all from the stroke? That’s appalling medical care. The footage from your doorbell could be the wake up call your parents need to take it more seriously. This is all part of the same conversation, because I expect he won’t initially take the conversation about not carrying the baby well.

Re-reading your dad’s fall, it sounds exactly like the way I usually hit the deck - my foot doesn’t lift properly, and I’ll go flying over something like the sill of a door. I’m pretty fit and I’ve worked hard to keep my balance and leg muscles strong, and it’s still unsafe to carry a little person for me.
He may not accept it, but you shouldn’t accept the risk to your baby either. Sorry you’re dealing with this.
Edit, drop foot can be a symptom of stroke, maybe worth encouraging him to investigate (I’m no expert, but I think it can be treated with physio etc when it’s stroke caused).

Not at all unreasonable. I have MS which has caused, among other things, foot drop. I stumble and have an injury causing fall about 1 or 2 times a year. When friends ask if I want to hold the baby, I say let me sit down and ask them to stay close in case my arms get tired.
I love babies, and knowingly putting them at risk of being hurt is not a loving act to me.

Prioritising your baby’s safety over your dad’s feelings does not make you unreasonable!

YANBU at all.

This.

Calmly and frequently repeated.

Your dad needs to see a doctor, but importantly you need to replace your car seat if it was slammed into a paving slab and then had an adult fall on top of it. Who knows what invisible damage has been done to it. Please don't use the old car seat in the meantime.

Hopefully, the act of replacing the car seat might really prompt both your parents into realising how awful that accident was, and open up a conversation. Yes your dad's feelings might be hurt, but your baby could have been killed. A loving grandfather would accept this and find other ways to interact. Have you shown them the footage you collected? What has your dad said post-incident? Has he admitted what happened and expressed concern for your baby/going forwards?

Did your DF seek medical advice? I would be concerned in case it was a TIA I think they're called - sort of mini strokes?