Messy people always get their way

I can clean the kitchen, walk away and come back in 10 minutes later and I find cupboard doors open, a drawer left open and a folder of recipes left open on the worktop. He also takes sauces back to the fridge and leaves them by the fridge. I often find the sink with a couple of inches of used washing up water left in. 🤦🏻‍♀️😱.

It really does my head in!

I once lived with a pathologically tidy flat mate. I'd barely finish a meal and she'd be chiding me to clear up my plate. It made me feel like even existing was being untidy. What a horrible way to live.

I had a ons with a guy, who folded his clothes and neatly put them on a chair before we had sex. This gave me a bit of an ick, which I pushed aside for the anticipated pleasure. Let’s just say 7 times later for him and not once for me… compatibility was low…

My dh is pretty tidy. Me less so and he does help me. I’m not talking about leaving dirty clothes, cups and plates everywhere. I don’t do that, more stacking the dishwasher and wiping down the sides. I also do a lot for him. Swings, roundabouts.

Well equally if you're a messy person living with a tidy one, you could say you never get to feel fully relaxed in your own home because your know the other person is irritated by your stuff being about. I think the person who 'gets their way' is whichever is the stronger willed. I know a number of naturally messy people who have been forced to be tidy because their partner has insisted.

Not true. There's nothing worse than living with someone who is constantly tidying away stuff that you want kept available, or who can't sit and relax because they have to be tidying, or who is always hoovering and dusting all around you because they have some self-imposed rule about cleaning everything frequently.

Indeed. DH lived in a very messy and dirty house when I met him. You couldn’t see most of the living room carpet because of ‘stuff’ everywhere. It was awful.

He loved my place. It was clean and fairly minimal. He wanted to move in together. I said no way. We are too different. He argued that he preferred my flat and wanted to learn to keep things clean and tidy. Before kids it kind of worked. Since kids it’s been a long and bitterly fought battle but it’s ok now. I had to threaten to leave though. It wasn’t a threat.

I grew up in a house of extreme, overwhelming and exhausting perfection. It is still super stressful going home to my parents house and my kids really don’t like it.
My house is clean but a bit messy. And that’s the way I like it.

*big tidy. No bugs!

I'm messy. DH is tidy. He tidies up most mess except in my bit of the bedroom where he'll only do it if it gets out of hand and then it's quite a fun thing where he'll do A Bug Tidy and I yay/nay what he bins. It works great. I think the problem comes when someone takes the moral high ground that they are right and the other is wrong. Better to see it as a preference and if someone prefers it super tidy then go for it but don't make a big deal out of it or blame the other person. I manage fine with the minimum required for hygiene and don't want to spend any time on extra tidying.

One of reasons I avoid visiting my dad is because he tidies up underneath me. I can't relax in his house because he never stops putting things away. I'm not a messy person but am happy to live with a few of the kids toys out and I don't have to put my cup in the dishwasher immediately after my last sip.

The problem is no one knows what another defines as tidy.
Not putting their dirty cups in the diswasher/sink, leaving their shoes under the sofa, not putting a game away after finishing it.... that isn't being fair to other people.

If you mean they keep the book they are reading on the coffee table instead of putting it away on the dewy decimal ordered shelf when not rrading it, not putting away the monopoly board overnight when half way through, taking a while to drink their coffee... then yes YABU

I'm not exactly tidy... but DH and DD2 are like tornados. It is tiring.

I remember when I was younger there were certain people’s houses we all avoided because they had a super tidy parent and it was extremely stressful to go there. You had to walk on egg shells the whole time and it was horrible. There were unfamiliar systems that had to be adhered to otherwise the Mum or Dad would get angry. I don’t think very tidy or very messy is a good thing.

My kids have a massive issue with me.. I'm the tidy one!

This. Neither is a moral failing. I have a friend who irons his underpants. I wouldn't live with him if you paid me.

It is unfair, and usually, don't find these things out until you move in with them.

Even a roommate share situation you may not know it because they may clean up the place for inspection in order to attract new roommates.

I made a mistake of accepting an invitation from a relative to stay temporarily while I found a house. And discovered they lived in absolute filth and squalor severe hoarding with animal waste on the floor.

I’m a messy person who hates living in mess. I try to clean but get overwhelmed. If someone else cleans I feel guilty because I’m not doing it. I am so envious of organized people. Interestingly I can clean other peoples places without the same bother so who knows what’s going on?

ESH....

People who are very messy can make life uncomfortable for others when they are being disrespectful of communal spaces, and people who are very tidy can make life uncomfortable by making everyone walk on eggshell around them which is exhausting.

The solution is to have an adult conversation about acceptable/achievable levels of cleanliness in communal areas. If not move out- you are not compatible to live together, life is too short.

I live on my own... so I only have myself to blame.

I really identify with that - if I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. Especially with kitchen stuff. I find it really hard to put things away when I know I’ll want them again at some point!

I really wish people would stop equating OCD with tidiness.

Messy people have OCD too. Hoarders have OCD.

I couldn't be with a super tidy person it would drive me just as mad as I would drive them.

I would hate to walk on egg shells around them and I don't think being ocd or super tidy is any more healthier for the mind as being a messy person.

I absolutely do.

my sister is autistic with OCD. She spends hours every day decluttering and cleaning.

I have ADHD and if I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist.

we never visit one another.

I agree. It sucks.

I'm a single mom and my ds has developmental trauma and ADHD. I need order and cleanliness. I have ADHD too. This house doesn't function in mess.

I have no time to waste looking for things.

I don't think it's unfair. It's just an incompatibility, like late/punctual people or early riser/night owl. It's on the tidy people as much as the untidy to recognise this and not live together if you have the choice (like, not your kids).

True. But they don't care about it and aren't bothered. So the untidy person isn't quietly seething every hour of the day that the other person is super tidy.

That said, I was once seeing a guy, and after we'd done the deed, he went downstairs to collect our clothes and wash up. Absolute instant ick and knew we were totally incompatible.