To think I caused my son’s congenital heart defect in pregnancy

31 replies

Yellowsubmarine85 · 26/05/2024 22:08

Sorry for the negative post but really struggling at the moment. My 2 week old son had heart surgery nearly 2 years ago now, he’s doing great and so far so good with check ups.

Since we found out about his heart issues after he was born I’ve always blamed myself but it seems to be getting worse the older he’s getting and the more of his personality that’s emerging. He’s such a strong, happy boy and I feel wracked with guilt that I possibly caused the issue he was born with and that I have inadvertently caused him to have a life-long condition that might hold him back in life or cause him worry.
The reason I blame myself is that I didn’t I know I was pregnant at first so I had two very hot baths. Then I found out I was pregnant and ended up getting covid in the first 8 weeks of pregnancy, I had a temperature and had to keep it down with paracetemol. I just feel like both of these things could have caused my boys CHD. I could have avoided getting covid if I hadn’t agreed to see someone who I knew had a stinking cold. I just didn’t want to let them down, even though I knew I was pregnant 😭
Does anyone know if Covid or hot baths could have caused this?

I don’t know how to feel better about this. Am I just going to feel horrendous guilt forever? It’s giving me stomach issues from all the anxiety. I’ve tried counselling and anti-anxiety stuff it’s not really helping.

Sorry for such a negative message.
Thank you for reading

OP posts:

Byebyefattum · 26/05/2024 22:20

Oh lovely- this isn’t you. You didn’t.

my son has a chd too. I must have said something to his consultant about it and he said that he was suprised given how complex the heart is that there are not more people born with CHD. It’s currently 1 in a 100 with some form of CHD and many just don’t know.

2 weeks in is VERY early days. You take it easy. Cuddle your son and try to get some rest. You’ve done a good job and he is lucky to have such a caring mum. and if in a couple of months this still bothers you go for counselling to put it to bed. There’s enough to feel shit about in life, but this isn’t one of them.

you take care x

sprigatito · 26/05/2024 22:19

You didn't cause his heart defect. Nothing you describe could possibly have caused it.

This is depressive thinking, and that's not your fault either. You are under an enormous amount of stress, you feel powerless because your beloved baby is suffering from something you can't protect him from, and it's coming out as self-blame. Your mind is trying to make sense of it by attributing guilt.

Please, please have a chat to your GP, or if you can't get access to one, the medical team looking after your son. These feelings aren't unreasonable given the situation you're in, but there is support available for you, and people who can quickly reassure you that you did nothing to cause this.

Humdingerydoo · 26/05/2024 22:18

No, you didn't cause his CHD. These things happen randomly. Be kind to yourself and enjoy your little boy! Two is a fun age :) Exhausting, but fun!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 26/05/2024 22:16

I don’t know which way to vote but you haven’t caused his CHD.

imagiantwitch · 26/05/2024 22:14

I’m very sorry about your sons health troubles.

Nothing you did caused this- please speak to his consultant about this and they will assure you.

Cbljgdpk · 26/05/2024 22:13

Oh please don’t think you caused it, you didn’t. One of my DC was born early and I felt guilty for so long in case something I’d done had caused it and it took time to accept that it was just something that happened as we all want to search for a reason and as mums we naturally blame ourselves.
Please keep going with the counselling as I can only imagine it’s early days. It took doctors telling me on several occasions that it was not my fault and repeating this to myself to accept this.

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