To think I caused my son’s congenital heart defect in pregnancy

@Yellowsubmarine85 omg that is awful to lay that blame on you about your mum. No wonder you feel how you do. Not sure if you have tried it but anti depressants will help block out those ocd thoughts, they won't numb you or anything, I take them too, you only get one life so do whatever you can to feel ok. You ruminate about your son but really it isn't about the heart problem, you're trying to reach that reassurance feeling but it wll soon come back again and if it wasn't the heart problem it would be something else you would ruminate on. Your mind is in a loop and I totally get the deals you make in your mind. So if you haven't took anti-ds then please give them a go

This is not proven, the studies don't agree and it thought if anything the link might be with fever

Totally unreasonable. You cannot wrap yourself in a bubble for 9 months and avoid colds, and plenty of people take baths and showers while pregnant.
Your kid has had his surgery, and is going to do just fine. Be grateful for this, and enjoy your baby rather than play the 'what if' card - it won't help you and will ruin your experience of motherhood even more than it as already been ruined. Trust me, ML will fly by, you will be back at work and you will want this time back!

You 100% did not cause your baby's CHD with either hot baths or with your bout of covid/paracetamol.

1. Your body is incredibly good at regulating your temperature. Without doing so, you would overheat and die. A hot bath did not raise your core temperature to dangerous levels, and heat has no link with CHD.
2. Using paracetamol in pregnancy is common, particularly at early points like 8 weeks. Getting the covid virus in pregnancy is also common. Neither of these have been linked with CHD.

CHD is a fluke event. We don't know what causes it, it's just unfortunate. BUT given this context @Yellowsubmarine85, with your history of OCD I think you need to speak to your health visitor or GP, or maybe your psychologist. Definitely speak to the people who love you, your partner and your friends if you can. Flag that your feelings are a wee bit uncontrollable at the moment and seek support in real life.

I'm glad your little boy is recovering from surgery and hope you're feeling better soon too xx

Of course you didnt, for the reasons PP have given above. But surely the doctors would have told you that at the time too??

OP, worrying about hot baths and paracetamol causing a heart defect is like worrying counting to 5 out loud will cause the sky turn green - the two things just have nothing to do with each other. You have been through the wringer as a mum and have your OCD to deal with on top, you have my every sympathy and hopefully whatever treatment you have for your OCD will get you to a place where you can not fantastically blame yourself so much. Sounds like you’re doing great, a great mum

No you couldn't have caused this My grandson had a heart condition called hypoplastic left heart syndrome and other complications of the heart on top. He was Stillborn. But nothing my daughter did or didn't do caused it. It's just an unfortunate thing and heart didn't form properly

@Yellowsubmarine85 , you sound very unwell. Please go back to your GP or other medical professionals and get more help. There is no amount of reassurance in the world that will satisfy you when you are feeling this way.

Take care and please get more help. And give your lovely little lad a big squashy hug.

Isn’t it NTDs that are the risk for hot baths or having a temperature? I don’t think those things are linked to CHDs.

Erm no, I feel 100% that you did not cause this. Have you tried going on tablets? My son had fluid on his brain as a baby, he was also born weighing just under 6lbs and I cried during labour saying it was my fault because I was addicted to chocolate, I was high on gas and air too though. I also never even tried breastfeeding any of mine and I don't feel guilty and love them so much. Babies survive to drug addict mums, you only had 2 baths! The baby is protected in the sac.

My son has a heart condition too. You didn't cause it, but would it help you more to here it from a dr or a geneticist?

There are no known links between hot baths or Covid and congenital heart defects. About one in every 100 babies in the U.K. is born with one- for most, the reasons are unknown. It's just 'one of those things'. You've had a hard time so be kind to yourself

Please don’t blame yourself, I am sure baths don’t cause CHD and, as a pp said, if Covid did, there would have been a massive spike 2/3 yrs ago.

My DD has Fallots tetralogy, for a long time I wondered if getting pregnant quickly after a miscarriage caused it, but my GP said I only need wait until after first period, so “who knows”.

She is about to turn 24, and after surgery as a baby and at 2, has lived a normal life, including doing plenty of exercise, being a footballer at one point and travelling extensively last year. The consultants sometimes can’t believe how far she can run 🤣🤣. Her CHD certainly hasn’t held her back.

She did have to have a new valve earlier this year, but it went well and she is well on way to full recovery (and desperate to run again!). She occasionally jokes “Why me” but am sure doesn’t blame me at all.

My older son who was born fit and healthy at 41 wks (DD came at 34) has a suspected kidney problem, did I cause that or is it also one of those things? Again, who knows. I didn’t drink in pregnancy and never smoked either, was very healthy and active at point of having my children.

Are you aware that there isn't even a distinct part that is the baby until around week 3 of pregnancy (as opposed to placenta etc), and that the heart doesn't distinguish from the rest until week 5-6?

So anything prior to week 5 (such as your baths) categorically isn't going to have affected the heart, for a start, as there wasn't even a heart present or forming then.

Your covid won't have done anything either, or we would have seen a huge international spike in babies with heart problems born in 2021-22 and I don't believe any such thing has been reported.

I went through this guilt with my son, blamed myself. Held on to it until pregnant with my daughter and the feelings just became worse. I then finally asked for help and my gp set up CBT and it was so helpful. Health anxiety is a real thing that is very common in mums. You did nothing wrong, you are not to blame, you have done everything you can to get him the right support since baby has been born. If you hadn't had covid or any baths you would be looking for another reason because having a reason makes these things more logical. Be kind to yourself.

Hot baths that you tolerated without getting second degree burns won't harm babies.COVID virus is unlikely to have caused heart issue. I am sure the research on this will be available in time to reassure you.

Unfortunately there are things that happen within us that are not within our control. Have you sought some support?

My son is ten was born with an issue had surgery at 19 days old. I have had some counselling as it is traumatic and you are so vulnerable after safely carrying a baby.

I would recommend talking to someone as it is really hard on our wellbeing having these worries.

DS2 is now 13 and has a CHD. For him, it wasn't diagnosed until he was born. No good will come from me blaming myself. He also has ASD and I don't blame myself for that either.

You did not cause CHD

When I was pregnant with DS, I experienced gender disappointment and was anxious/did not feel connected to the pregnancy. He stopped moving at 31 weeks, I went to get checked and he was delivered within 2 hours of arrival at the maternity unit, he had to be resuscitated and was on a ventilator and subsequently spent 6 weeks in NICU. I 100% thought it was my fault for not wanting a boy. It took me 2 years to get therapy and was treated for PTSD. I know now that it was not my fault, that if I had not gone to get checked when his movements stopped, he would have died and that I love him more than anything else in the world but it took a lot of work to get to this point. Be kind to yourself and seek more therapy

There is zero chance you caused this.

OP, you didn't cause it. Sometimes random stuff goes wrong. But please do see someone about how you're feeling.

My son with a heart defect is nearly 4 now, and there was definitely some trauma for me around finding out and hospital stays and surgery. I also struggled to bond with him right at the beginning although fortunately that went pretty quickly. It's not surprising that it's affecting you, but you can get past this.

Unmumsnetty hugs for you.

Neither of those things would cause a CHD, it wasn't caused by those things.
The truth is that you may never know, it could be genetic or a random event, the only environmental factor I've been told that can increase CHD is uncontrolled diabetes in the first trimester.

I would highly reccomend seeing your GP for some counselling op, it is severely traumatic to go through this as a parent and we kind of get pushed to the back whilst in the throughs of trying to look after a poorly newborn.

Make some time for yourself now to heal from this, it's important.

Sorry! I can’t read!! I see your son is now 2. In that case I would go back to counselling. This isn’t you.

Meant to add, there may be an element of ptsd going on as well. You've been through so much.