Not wanting to talk to my Aunt and Uncle anymore

Some of the responses on this thread are horrible. OP was abandoned by her birthday parent and has just found out her aunt and uncle have been lying to her for a couple of decades. Is she just supposed to be grateful and have no questions about that?

OP I understand this is a lot. It might be better just to take some time out from aunt and uncle to try and get your head together. Counselling is probably a very good idea. You don't need to make any decisions right now. If mum wants contact she can wait.

How were your aunt and uncle? Loving? Kind? Did their best for you? If not then fine cut them out. Otherwise they have done nothing wrong.

You do you. As someone who grew up in a dysfunctional family, I say do what makes you happy. Ive learnt that recently. I was pretty much brought up by grandparents. My mum passed and my dad really tried but still. I recently bought my own house so don't have as much free time as before and my grandma tells everyone I don't speak to her. Well you know what I now only speak to her went needed, I dont need that stress in my life. And she has started ignoring my messages

Oh ffs, she doesn't sound ungrateful. What an unhelpful and unkind thing to say.

Were your Aunt and Uncle abusive or neglectful? If they were not, I think that they may have made a mistake, a human one where they thought they were doing the right thing. They are not responsible for your mother and fathers poor life choices. They may have just done their best.

I understand how you feel but you are only feeling your side of it (understandably)

I worked with a woman who had been given to her grandparents to raise because her mother wasn't in the right place to raise her at the time

When she was about 10 her mother remarried and had further children. My colleague would get calls from her mother at things like Christmas to wish her a happy Christmas but then her mum would tell her all the things she was doing with her "family" but never made a push to get my colleague back living with her

I think your Aunt and Uncle didn't have a right or wrong path here, either was fraught. They probably thought they were making the best decision they could at the time.

AIBU in cutting them and my Mum off for a while

1. Go ahead but no contact can go both ways, don’t expect that your aunt & uncle will necessarily allow you back into their lives. You can’t say “for a while” as if you’re the only one who has any say
2. What do you mean cut your mum off? You said she remarried 20 years ago & you’ve only just found out so aren’t you already cut off from her?

How would it have helped you as a child to know your mum had left you, but was happy to be part of a new family?

Your Aunt and Uncle took in a child they didn't choose to conceive, but they parented you anyway and they probably did the best they could.
And you want to cut them off because they made a parenting decision that you disagree with?
Whether it was the right or wrong choice is neither here nor there - parents have to make decisions all the time and do the best they can with the information they have available at the time. Probably they thought it was best for you not to know.

I think you don't cut off your 'parents' over this. Maybe look into getting some therapy to help you come to terms with your childhood.

I think more. Information is needed because it IS relevant.
Were you happy? Loved by your aunt and uncle?

It's difficult because it must hurt and I understand you will feel let down that they knew this and didn't tell you.

However if they raised you with love, and you eventually had a happy childhood aside from your mums neglect... I wouldn't cut them aside at all. It takes a lot to raise a child.
Let them know your feelings but don't treat them the same as your mum.... they stepped up

They didn’t know what to do for the best. They raised you when your parents neglected you. You sound ungrateful and tbh id recommend therapy.

Seeing as your Aunt and Uncle have hidden things from you I would at least listen to what your Mum has to say even if you don't want to respond

Would you knowing that your mum remarried have in any way, changed anything? Would you have wanted contact with her knowing this? Would it have caused you hurt and distress that she had become part of another family after neglecting you? Did she want you to be part of that family at the time?
You seem to be aiming your anger at the wrong people here.

I dont really see what your aunt and uncle have done wrong