Do you check your partner’s phone?

101#% YES

Those seeking "privacy" are IMO total and absolute shit

If you have nothing to hide, there then is no problem unless the OH messes with the settings and or not savvy and could accidental delete important stuff - but I've yet to meet someone like that

I have never ever wanted to, never felt the need to and absolutely would never check my dh's phone. If you're at the point of needing to check it's over.

We don’t use or look at each other’s phones. His is much too large for my teeny tiny hands and my phone is much too small for his massive hands. That sounds silly writing it, but to me I just can’t stand touching large phones and he wouldn’t be able to use my key pad as it’s made for child size fingers according to him.

I go in DH's phone if he's taken photos of the kids when we've been out & I want to send them over to myself. I also read messages if there about plans that involve us both (eg. If we're meeting his parents & I want to check time/place). Sometimes I'll go in if there's something on an email I need, like insurance policy numbers, booking confirmations or parcel pick up coads.

I don't nosey throw it or go on his phone when I don't have a reason to,
although there would be nothing to stop me from seeing anything whilst doing any of the above.

People think that if your partner objects to going on their phone - they’re hiding something. But often it’s because a phone has essentially our life and it’s like peeking into our brain. For example, I wouldn’t want someone to see the random list of notes I have or the random photo I took then proceed to delete later or the search history of trying to google what a random word means which makes me sound dumb. My phone is such a personal thing to me, and unless I hand them my phone with an app open then I don’t think it’s fair going through someone’s personal phone to snoop.

Plus I am saying this as someone who had been cheated on multiple times and went through my ex’s phone. When you get to the point of feeling like you need to search for evidence on their phone - then that relationship is not for you. Whether it’s because of insecurities, that’s not fair to project that on a person. And if it is regarding the fear your partner is cheating - then they gave you a reason to feel that way… COMMUNICATE that rather than trying to find it out for yourself.

I've had to set up my DH's new phone today as he is a total technophobe who fucked stuff up trying to do it himself. This involved full access to his texts and email accounts, while I reset all the passwords he can't remember.

So I assume there was nothing there he was uncomfortable with me seeing, even though I did ask him if I was going to spot anything iffy!

Never checked, or wanted to check technophobe dh’s phone. I imagine it will be full of texts from other people with him replying either “ok”, 👍🏻, or 😂. As that is all he ever texts me!

I know his passcode as I setup any new phones etc, but have never used it.

We both have passcodes but know each others. We both use the other one’s phone sometimes - the most frequent example I can think is if we go out for the day, he always takes better pictures then if he’s driving home I’ll have a scroll through them and send the ones I like best to myself.

Never snooped, never felt the need and nor would he. Was a very different story with my ex but then there was a fair bit wrong with that relationship looking back.

If he felt he needed/ wanted to look he’d be welcome to, but I think it would be a sign that something had gone wrong for us somewhere and I’d want to address that.

Well that wasn't obvious in your post 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve never checked my partner’s phone and he’s never checked mine. I don’t think it’s ever occurred to either of us to ask, and after 21 years together I’m pretty sure he’d think I’d lost my mind if I suddenly demanded to see his WhatsApps - I certainly would think he’s gone mad if he asked me the same!

No idea what his passcode is but neither of us is secretive about phones, particularly. He’s asked me to send a text from his phone a couple of times when he’s been driving. He’ll pass his phone over to me to add my dishes to a Deliveroo order, that kind of thing. Neither of us put our phones face down, or hide notifications or anything. But we don’t know each other’s passcodes and I don’t really pay any attention to what he’s doing on his phone. I use my phone a lot and he’s never asked me what I’m doing or who I’m messaging.

We both know each others passwords and will use each others phone depending on who’s connected to the speaker to choose the next song or whatever.
Sometimes when driving he’ll ask me to text someone from his phone.
But I’ve never checked it, not sure what I’d be looking for - never had a reason I’ve thought I wanted to check it.
No idea if he’s checked mine, both of us tend to leave them next to our beds on charge in the evenings, so he could if he wanted to and I’d never know.
He’d mostly find a lot of boring messages to and from friends and all my safari browser would be MN/clothes/space nk - nothing that would interest him!

I don't know DH's pass code but why would I need it? Surely if people are sharing phones a cheating partner would just have a separate one anyway.

We have access to each other’s phones but I don’t look at his and I presume he doesn’t look through mine. If I asked to look at his phone he would let me, and I would allow him. If I had reasonable suspicions of him cheating then yes I probably would look at his phone – self preservation.

I would never look at his and he'd never look at mine.

As PP have said, marriage doesn't mean you lose your right to privacy.

I could if I wanted to. We share the same passcode.

Don't want to though 😆

If I were having an affair I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be leaving evidence of it on my phone. Nor would I have a list of all my victims if I were a mass murderer.

what would happen if you asked to?

If I asked to "check" it? He'd probably find that very strange. He probably wouldn't refuse but would be annoyed and want a conversation.

But I'm fine to use it if mine isn't to hand. I know the passcode and he has no issue with me picking it up to check the weather or google something. I'm the same with him using my phone.

No, never. Years ago, when I was 20, I suspected my boyfriend at the time was flirting with other women and maybe more than that. I checked his phone which confirmed my suspicion. However the relationship was already not great, and it made me realise that I should have known the relationship had run its course without snooping on him. I've never checked a partner's phone since.

Don't you have private conversations with you friends on your phone?

No. Because I don’t know his passcode. And he doesn’t check mine, for the same reason.

We trust each other, because neither of us has any reason not to. And we both believe the other has the right to some privacy.

I think if someone feels the need to check their partner’s phone the relationship is over and it’s best ended.

I can’t imagine anything as depressing as being in a relationship where there isn’t any trust.

I know his passcode and I will use his if I’ve left mine upstairs for example. Plus, I’ve been burnt before (blind trust is frankly over rated) so yes, I occasionally have a nose around (which he is aware of and doesn’t care about). He can also look at mine if he wants, I’ve nothing to hide. If he locked down his phone, I’d want to know why, because that is not “usual” for us.

I wouldn’t ask to look at this phone but I know his passcode and I would use it if necessary like setting sat nav if he’s driving

Oh my god it was a joke!! . But it still stands that I don’t know how to work his one!!

No