I’m a middle-aged widow. I don’t want your husband

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My mother told me about how this happened to her when she divorced my Dad in the 70s (women actually knocked at her door and said, "Stay away from my husband")

When I split up with my DDs dad 11 years ago, I eventually changed my fb status back to single. I got 8 DMs that night from men I knew. 7 of them were married!!

This!

This upsets me so much as happened to me after divorcing. Had to make new single girlfriends. Now I'm remarried to an amazing guy and guess what? They're all up for arrangements again.

I voted you are not being unreasonable because if you were my friend I would not ever assume you wanted my husband . However I don’t know what you mean exactly. Do you mean couples who were mutual friends no longer meet you together ? Sorry a bit lost

Yup. Happened to my auntie when her husband cheated. She was dropped by her "best friends" because she was no longer a couple.

When I was recently separated I went to stay with a friend and her husband for a couple of nights. My dc were there and they have dc too. My friend's DH was giving me a bit more attention than he did in the past (not that i wanted it) and my friend noticed and spent the next two days constantly going up to him and literally snogging him in front of me, almost to claim her territory! It was very awkward, and tbh I'm not sure I would want to go there again on my own as I felt very uncomfortable with the whole thing.

My mum's best friend was divorced and she stopped being invited to dinner parties etc except by my mum & dad 🙁 but we always spent time with her and her kids, holidayed together and days out and my dad would go round and do stuff in the house if she needed it. She and my dad were good friends too and the three of them would have a laugh together. On holiday, my dad would take all us kids to the pool while my mum and her friend did a bit of sightseeing and stuff. My mum and her friend would take turns cooking for both families. It was lovely 😊

As a fairly attractive divorcee in my younger days I used to find parties etc. highly amusing. I could be chatting to a very average man for twenty seconds and the speed at which their wives/partners suddenly appeared at their side and proceeded to hang on to their arms was so funny. It was the equivalent of a dog pissing up a lamppost to mark their territory. 😂

Another middle aged divorcee (well kind of its been 6 years and my friends all assume I'm divorced now), I don't want your husband, I'm not that desperate for a man that I'll take your man but it would be nice to be included in things once in a while. You know I can hold a conversation and I'm not going to feel awkward surrounded by couples.

My mother had to put up with this in the 70”s. However, I prefer to meet just with women. Why do I want the husbands around? I also do not want people feeling they need to pay for my bill as most well mannered men do.

It's ot that they think you're after their husbands. It's that they know what men can be like when a woman becomes suddenly single for any reason.

I lost count of the nher of men who showed an interest I me when I separated from my husband - married colleagues; friends' husbands; dads of my children's school friends...

I wasn't interested in any of them either. Didn't stop them from trying.

Oh I so get this!!

For many years I worked/lived on military bases overseas. Due to my job, I got housed on the 'officers patch'. Anyone who has been in this situation will know that it's a VERY social lifestyle, with lots of get togethers/parties etc.

UNLESS you're a single woman on the block of course!! In which case, you are considered 'dangerous' as a house guest and totally irrelevant as a human!

I had my children with me, who were always welcomed in others homes, and I hosted many events at my own home (where I invited everyone!) BUT...I was not invited back...and neither were the other two single women on the block.

I used to watch out of my window as neighbours wandered past carrying chairs (a dead give away that there was a 'do' somewhere) and just feel so hurt. On one occasion, I was even asked if I could lend my chairs to one neighbour, as they needed more!!

Funny thing was, affairs were rife on camp...and it wasn't the single women amongst us who were involved!! 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Holidays and weekends away are a bit awkward because couples feel like they have to include you in all their activities and also it's kind of depressing if you used to go away with them with your husband too. Empty side of the bed and all that.

Dinner parties are no excuse though.

My MIL is in the same boat, her hubs died in middle age. She threw herself out there and mainly focused on group activities - solo travelling holidays as part of a whole group of people who don't know each other, volunteer work, local socialising events, sports, classes, etc.

When news got out that I was a newly single mum, the school mum clique became cold.

I did receive a few friend requests etc from their husbands who I had never been friendly with (not responded to).

Really surprised me that any woman would think that after I had got rid of my ex, I would actually want their very average husbands!

I do also wonder if it comes from a strange type of jealousy too though.
Out of the many women I know, most of them don’t seem to have the best marriages.
Many are coming to the 20 year mark. Stress of juggling kids and parents ageing etc.
Lack of appreciation etc.

One lady at work is clearly in a really unhappy marriage but regularly brings up my ‘less than’ status. I honestly feel bad for her.

I definitely, definitely don’t want anyone’s husband.

I was exactly the cliche that I guess the women worry about. I was out of control.

In order to avoid acting on the maelstrom of feelings I was experiencing, I socialised normally at home and went out of town for what I felt I needed.

I don't know what it was about. DH's years of illness, his traumatic death, a bit of perimenopause, i don't know.

I think this might be it. I'm single not a widow. I have pondered this in the past. Obviously I know that nobody has to include me.

🤣 of course.

You had insecure, crap friends if that was what was going through their minds.

We don’t do dinner parties, we mainly socialise with one other couple at a time. Recently one couple split, with the ex-husband moving away, and another friend lost her husband (DH’s good friend). Now we just invite the single/widowed friend on her own for dinner/lunch. I have other female friends who get on well enough with DH but never really socialise with us together as a couple, not sure why.

I'm middle-aged and single and I don't want your husband.

and this And often it is just about proximity and perceived availability. Divorced? Widow? New to town? Must be UP FOR IT.

Hang on a sec, what groups are you being excluded from? It's different if it's a group of 8, 4 couples, one person loses their partner, then the dynamic also changes. Or if it's just a big group of couples, singles, divorcees, widowers etc, all friends at a big bbq. It depends what the situation is.

I was in a different place though - I did want all the husbands. To the point that I went off and developed my own 'social life' in that regard to stay away from them.

@PermanentTemporary can you say a bit more about this? Why did you want the husbands?

❤️😂😂