Please help me make sense of what’s going on with DH. Will try keep it as brief as possible.
We have 2 DC - one is 4, one is 6 months.
I’ve forgiven him for a lot over the years (together 10 years), and since we had our eldest he’s gone AWOL on me a few times after nights out with his mates. Well, last night he did it again. I woke up with the baby in the early hours and he wasn’t home, so sent a message asking where he was. No reply. Up with baby again about an hour and a half later, again no reply. Tried to call with next wake up, didn’t pick up. By this point it was about 5.30am - everything would have been closed. He went out in the afternoon. If he’d have responded ‘in a bar/at friend’s house, be home later’ or just ANYTHING it would’ve been fine, but it was the ignoring that bothered me. He would’ve just not come home with zero contact if I hadn’t pushed it.
Next time I woke with baby (we’re both ill with Covid and she’s EBF, so I’ve done all night feeds for 6 months and am knackered/feeling shit) I sent a message saying I was locking the front door. Miraculously he responded straight away. Claimed he had been trying to get home for “hours” but his bank cards had been “blocked”. I told him how upset/angry I was and that he should have just messaged me, etc. etc., and he told me I was “locking him out of his home” and that “this is your decision, not mine” - as if I’m ending the relationship. Feels like he’s trying to push me to leave?
When I said again that I was upset and he needed to stop being so irresponsible at 36, he responded “cry me a fucking river.”
Even if his story is true, why not respond? If you were stuck, surely you’d be on your phone trying to sort a solution? But also, he could’ve gone home with friends who live in the same direction, or asked one of them to book him an Uber and pay them back. Also thinking if it’s true, he’s blown an awful lot of money… why else would his cards stop working other than the accounts being emptied?
He’s still not made an appearance. No idea where he is. Had to tell eldest DC that daddy wasn’t home this morning because he’s having a sleepover with his friend.
I spoke to a friend about it this morning, and they said it comes across like he just doesn’t care about being with me or being a family man. To me it’s the latest example of him choosing the single lifestyle over his family, and expecting me to just be there and not question him about anything, ever.
I feel like he’s gradually treating me worse and worse, but it’s heightened since I went on maternity leave, when I’m more vulnerable. But then I don’t know if he’s that calculating…
I wouldn’t mind as much if this was a one off, but he’s got form for irresponsible partying type behaviour and, like I said, has pulled disappearing acts before.
But then part of me thinks maybe I am just going crazy and being harsh.
Am I overreacting?