DH didn’t come home… again

He appears to constantly go on the attack, turn things around to make it about you when the conversations need to be about his behaviour and choices.

Which tells me he's a gaslighting arsehole who wants you to either put up with it or do the dirty work of ending the relationship (he's pushed you to end to be the bad guy).

I'd tell him to get to fuck.

You know what? Unless you’ve walked in someone else’s shoes or you have kindness in your heart, you would not be coming out with bollocks comments like this.

Why Comment? You aren’t helping op at all and unpleasant people on here is not what she needs right now.

That's such a horrible and unhelpful thing to say. Feel better now? Just being honest eh?

My ex was like this, all lovey dovey in the week then come Thurs/Fri would start some bullshit argument & walk out ‘because he couldn’t deal with me when I’m like this’ then would disappear all weekend & the cycle started again. I had to make the decision to leave as I didn’t want my son to think this was how you treated your partner (his dad was the same with his mum but his mum always talked me into believing it was me causing the issues & just to leave him to it as he was like his dad). Years later he admitted to me that he did it all because he knew he could get away with it, that I’d be pissed off but wouldn’t actually leave him as he knew I wanted our son to have both parents unlike me that had an awful step dad (and I took him back before when he was on best behaviour for a while). Sadly he doesn’t sound like he’s fully in & he’s gaslighting you to think it’s your fault he’s acting like this. You need to really think about what you want for the rest of your life & if this is what you want your kids to think is a relationship

You've already told him his behaviour isn't acceptable and is that of a single person, not a family man with kids, and yet he has done it again and behaves like a single bloke with no commitments.

I'd tell him you need some space and time to think and ask him to move out for a couple of weeks.

He’s clearly checked out OP. I’m a strong believer in you’re treated how you allow yourself to be treated. You need to take control of the situation. Tell him you are no longer tolerating this lack of respect and responsibility, and he needs to step up or it’s time to call it a day. His behaviour, especially where he is goading you into admitting you have locked him out and made a decision on your relationship, sounds like he wants you to be the bad guy here so he can absolve himself of ending things. Could be that something is happening in his life atm that you’re not aware of, ie an affair.

He's not going to change, OP.

Have you asked him if he has ever, even once, thought to ask how you feel? Or wondered about it. Or is it all (it is) about just him and his feelings? Why do his feelings mean he can treat you like shit?

Cocaine. Get rid.

You need to leave, for your children’s sake. You should have gone before baby number 2 but what’s done is done. Take responsibility and control.

100% get rid. You deserve better than this loser xx

For fuck sake just leave and go stay with your parents. If he wants to be single let him be but of course the will have to pay child maintenance and share 50% custody. He ain't gonna take you for a fool. Cut this crap now.

This 100%.

I don't think my own father sat down and worked out exactly how to play DM - he was too bloody idle for that - but he had the instincts.

Bastard men make terrible fathers. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

This was my first thought too. No chance he could drink all day and still be going until 5am without a little help along the way! It changes people. Absolutely no excuse he has a family and responsibilities, he sounds a total prick. Get rid.

Aah man. Get some support. Not just on here- some real life support , take it one day at a time and try to get enough strength to leave him.

Think of your children and get strength from them . They need you to be strong and have a better life. You all deserve a better life than this so please get away from this man.

I'm sorry, but could he be having an affair? ex dp used to behave like that.

He's not a partner, he's not a family man. OP, I think I would do what you can to keep yourself together while you make a solid plan for a better life away from this man.

I would bet my last penny that the reason he was in such a great mood yesterday was that he was off to see another woman. I would get your ducks in a row, file for divorce. Get as far away from this mentally abusive man as possible and he IS mentally abusing you, which without the affair, which no doubt is happening, is a marriage ender.
Pack his bags and get rid he can move in with the lucky lady, I’m sure he’ll be thrilled seeing as you’re such a nightmare.
Sorry to hear you’re going through this he sounds like a prize piece of work, please please look up DARVO as previously mentioned. Major hand holds. Xxx

I imagine he bought you flowers in advance of the night out as his way to prove to himself hes a nice guy with intention of a lads lad night out.

There is only one reason why you stay out to kicking out time (5am) and that is mopping up (pulling) or hooking up time before back to reality.

Some men can never truly settle with 1 women.....they get bored. They go through the motions, do little things to make you have hope.......but its breadcrumbs in reality.

@Roonil I am not sure why you thought it would change. It won't. The more children you have with him the harder it is for you.

He's not a parent. He's not a spouse. The writing is on the wall. This is cheating behaviour.

End it or accept this is you & your children's life. Not something I'd accept for myself or them.

This is classic, text book behaviour.

It is designed to butter you up but also make you think that ‘he’s not that bad’.

He knows how far to push it so you don’t leave him.

The fact that he thought he could buy you flowers, smile and tell you he loves you and you would accept him treating you like shit is such a slap in the face.

I would be annoyed with his bad behaviour but I would be even more annoyed that he does things like this thinking I’m stupid and naive/gullible.

The fact he went out in the first place when his wife and baby are ill with Covid says what an utter waste of space he is. The follow up blame game bollocks of your supposed faults is him justifying to himself why it's okay for him to be a selfish prick. Get rid of him pronto. Dont let your children grow up seeing this behaviour as acceptable.

I feel like he’s gradually treating me worse and worse, but it’s heightened since I went on maternity leave, when I’m more vulnerable. But then I don’t know if he’s that calculating
He doesn't need to be calculating to exploit you, he'll be working on instinct, the fact that you are weak/vulnerable triggers predatory behaviour.
Think of an animal moving in for the kill when it sees injured prey. There's no conscious thought out process, he just acts on his predatory impulses.

Why do women accept being treated like this. You’re worth so much more and life is so short! Don’t let him use you any more.

Your kids shouldn’t have this pathetic man as a role model. The vast majority of 36 year olds don’t behave like this…

He's another example of a bloke who's got buyers regret after becoming a father;he wants to be pathetic and act as though he's single.

If he acts badly enough and you kick him out he can blame you for the split and he can then start rewriting history whilst he trots out the script.

My friends exH use to "stay at his brothers house" after nights out;he was having one night stands and the brother was as bad as him.