DH didn’t come home… again

You can tell though. Glassy eyed after. If you've access to bank account to look for certain withdrawal amounts/times.

I've been there. It was cocaine that was keeping him out all night. No respect for me at all. Leave him now before you're world falls further apart

The way he's speaking to you sounds very much like hes coming off a coke bender,

A lot of red flags here. I wouldn’t trust him.

Are you overreacting? No, you are under-reacting.

With the comment from his mother the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

He needs a sharp shock. Rope in your dad. But you need to step up for your kids. Either accept this is your life forever or give him a kick up the arse and see whether he can grow up instantly.

It would be over for me. It's not just last night.

Sounds like he’s taking drugs to me.
That over bouyant mood and being over the top.

Opiates, Cocaine or E can have this effect.

Be very wary .

Arsehole.( Him)

OP - I don’t know any married men with babies and small children who make a habit of going AWOL overnight. It isn’t normal whatever he says and if he was sleeping at the station where were his friends?! I don’t buy it for one moment.

People treat you the way you allow them to treat you. He sounds immature and selfish and the more you put up with it the worse he will treat you.

Don’t mention ‘trial’ - say you want to seperate. You are on your own anyway. Your kids are better off with a happy and secure mum. I’d be off if he doesn’t leave. Proper child access can be organised with a solicitor in the future.

You can do better than this. Don’t accept second best. Life is very short.

Oh OP, I could almost have written this exact scenario - right down to the flowers, when my kids were the age yours are now. I eventually found out that my now (thank fuck) ExH, was dabbling with cocaine, ecstasy, other women, and prostitutes when on various 'stag dos' at that time. He always loved a drink and a party, as did I, but I was never into drugs and was rather naive looking back. They don't change if they have these traits. They lie and lie, and gaslight you making you think it's your fault. It's not. It's also mental torture having to co-parent with men who have these traits. My ExH became utterly psychopathic during the divorce, but I am proud to say, with my family's (and a wonderful GP's) support, I did survive, and I remarried to a man who actually loves me. My children are also high achievers and kind, moral people (I didn't tell them too much about out split until they were much, much, older and obviously they do love their dad, so I had to be careful what I said. Good luck. See you GP for meds if you need them to get you through. Exercise if you can. You will be OK.

We could have such a lovely life if he’d just be a partner

Yes you could. But you need a lovely man for that and he isn’t.

Then why post? What has happened to you that you think that was a vital thing to say to a woman in crisis?

Forget him fucking off for hours for a moment, you need to focus on his words to you. He only responded when you said you'd lock the door then took the piss with his cry me a river. He has zero respect for you. If you want respect you know what to do.

We could have such a lovely life if he’d just be a partner

And I'd be a millionaire if I had a million pounds.

His mum came ound last tune to give you shit because she doesn't want him living with her.

He acts as he likes and then does the necessary amount of apologising to make sure he can carry on with his cushy life.

If you'd left 2 years ago you would probably be having a lovely Bank Holiday without this shit. If you stay you'll have another shitty bank holiday as he just sees them as a chance to get pissed up.

You tried to marry a nice nan to have kids. It's not your fault he isn't that man. Its your life and its so easy to say leave. But honestly, from over here it's so obvious to see the negative patterns if behaviour. Been there, done it, thankfully no kids from that relationship. Wishing you the best of luck xx

'We have 2 DC - one is 4, one is 6 months.

I’ve forgiven him for a lot over the years (together 10 years),'

.....

Sadly, you made a bad judgement call to have children with a selfish moron.

No relationship should be about having to forgive him a lot and put up with bad treatment.

He's a useless role model to your children.

There is no point staying together as he won't change.

If having a wife and then children hasn't made him grow up, what will?

He wants to be single. Fine, there's the door. Fuck off.

I also suspected he wanted me to end it and be the baddy but I just got to a point where I didn't give a fuck. He put on a front with everyone pretending I'd callously kicked him out and he was clueless as to why. 🙄😡 But those that mattered had the measure of him.

I would also pack up important belongings, documents etc and store them elsewhere. Put passports away. Change passwords and get some legal advice.

Sounds like my ex too. Coke and women and wanting to live the single life but with muggins at home with the kids and keeping the house nice.

He'd be all happy and kind before a big night out too. 🙄 Any complaints from me he'd start with a list of why I was such a terrible partner. 😡😡 When I was actually far too tolerant. The last time he started on the list I just agreed he sounded terribly unhappy and told him to leave.

My suspicions around another woman were accurate too not that he ever admitted it. 🙄

OP I hope you and baby feel better soon.

I'd suggest disengage, focus on feeling better. When you are, get legal advice on the housing, finances, etc. I'd also suggest chatting to women's aid and your health visitor about the emotional abuse. What he did to you while you were struggling with pnd is despicable. Send any important paperwork of yours and the kids to your parents for now for them to look after for you.

My ex did this too. It was a long time ago.
It was so he could reframe his dishonesty and blame me for the choices he was making. In my case I found out he was taking drugs.
Rather than blame himself, he will tell himself you are pushing him into his behaviour.

Cut your losses op, he has no respect for you and does not care enough to be a decent parent. He needs to move out.

He wants you to split with him so he can act "surprised", "last thing I did was give her flowers".

I would gather together important stuff and hide it then get it out of the house. The dump him.

This.
Sorry but his messages to you smack of this.
Whether it’s a woman, drugs or trying to really put you down it’s unacceptable.
Find a good lawyer, serve him divorce papers.

Sorry I sound blunt because I'm so angry at him on your behalf. 💐 For you OP. It's horrible.

He doesn't give a shit about you and the kids, does he? I couldn't and wouldn't put up with this.

Feel kinda worried for you tbh. My ex did sane. Started day DS was born and after three day labour he went on a bender god knows where. I dug in and stayed and the relationship didn't end well at all and I can see this going the same way. I regret every second I gave this person. Give yourself some space and a friendly ear to help you see it rationally. You are not being unreasonable.