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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can't face work after this

85 replies

Dimgwaith · 26/05/2024 12:17

Work in a small law firm and came back from mat leave a month ago. Before I left a possible route to promotion was discussed although nothing concrete but I was on the cusp of a more senior leadership role and things had been going well.

They contracted a lady to cover me for the 10 months on a fixed term contract but with possibility for it to be permanent due to business growth etc.

She did an incredible job while I was out. She'd come from a larger form and brought some new ideas and experience. Also a nice colleague to work with.

The week after I returned, the more senior role I'd had my eye on last year came up and it was me and her that applied. Fresh from mat leave and a bit out of the loop of some recent goings on, I probably wasn't primed to do my very best interview but I gave it my best shot.

She got the job and is now set to be my boss.

I can't say I'm surprised, I just couldn't compete with what she's brought to the table so I know it's the right decision but it's just been such a crushing blow to my confidence/ self esteem.

I left for mat leave on a high, had started to be part of certain senior meetings and had a good profile in the business.

Now I'm back, I just feel so cast aside, I pale in comparison to this colleague and now its she who joins the senior meetings (I was removed from them).

I've spent the past few days crying and desperately searching for another job but it's not so easy - this job is more family friendly than other places and has a convenient hybrid set up, not a lot of places offer similar.

So I may just have to suck it up at least for now but I'm dreading going back to work after the Bank Holiday.

Yabu - suck it up and adapt
Yanbu - find a new job

OP posts:
GrumpyOldCrone · 26/05/2024 12:59

I completely understand your disappointment, although I myself would probably not rush to find a new job immediately because you also have a new baby and lots of change is stressful.

Having said that, it’s generally a good idea to keep your eyes open to see what other jobs are out there, and apply from time to time if something good comes up. You don’t have to be stuck in your current role forever.

tsmainsqueeze · 26/05/2024 12:38

I imagine work is not your priority now, your baby is instead ,i loved my job and still work at the same place and i am happy there but after 3 maternity leaves and 3 children it is no where near as important to me as it was before my kids.
If the same shift in priority happens to you it could be the better deal that your position is not as senior at the moment , if this woman is as good and as nice as you think she could be an asset to you as you get back into the swing of things.
From my experience it is not a nice time in those 1st few weeks back after m.leave and it can leave you feeling a bit insecure but i do think in time you get back into your groove , give it time and see what happens ,do your usual best,if she's as good as you think she will see that and who know's what your future might bring.

Keepthosenamesgoing · 26/05/2024 12:34

I remember coming back after mat leave and bring asked to pick up a particular project and I thought I'd done a great job. At the end of the year they said yep done a great job but this scope is much smaller than your peers so you won't get rated a highly/same bonus. I was fuming and gutted.

But a few years later I realised that it was for the best. I needed to adjust to parenting and work and taking that project was actually perfect for me. Yes I took a relatively smaller role for a year but longer term it stood me in good stead. As PP said, play the long game. It the company is good in other ways like family friendly etc. Don't rush to look for something else right now, get back into the swing of things and see how ypu feel in 6 months

Trickabrick · 26/05/2024 12:33

It’s always an adjustment coming back from maternity leave so cut yourself some slack OP. You never come back to the exact same dynamics in place when you left and it can take time to get your feet back under the table, well it did in my experience before someone corrects me.

Focus on the positives of your role / your firm, let the dust settle then decide on your next move - to persevere in your current place or start seeking a new opportunity.

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 26/05/2024 12:33

OP
#only you can decide. Time will make it easier but if you feel like you say in a week or so - move
Good luck

Original poster
Dimgwaith · 26/05/2024 12:33

Notquitegrownup2 · 26/05/2024 12:30

Option c. Take a breath. Don't panic. Play the long game:

You are in a good job, with good working conditions.
You have a lovely baby and are building a family alongside your career. You have years n years ahead of you at work.
Yes it sucks that you didn't come back to find they had really missed you and wanted to promote you - especially as you were heading that way before having your baby, but IME these things often work out for the best. You have a new boss who by your own admission has more experience than you and from whom you can learn.
Don't let bitterness and 'What ifs . . . ' drag you down. Learn everything you can from your new boss. Enjoy having slightly less pressure on you and more energy for home. Plan ahead to where you would like your career to be in 5 years and work steadily towards it.

Best of luck.

Thank you, this is a great message. It makes a lot of sense, sometimes when we don't get something we wanted it's for a very good reason. I need to reframe the situation

OP posts:
ArchaeoSpy · 26/05/2024 12:31

i can understand your points op, that said this person does seem better for the company overall, to be honest what about sticking with the job you have as better the people you know etc ?

Notquitegrownup2 · 26/05/2024 12:30

Option c. Take a breath. Don't panic. Play the long game:

You are in a good job, with good working conditions.
You have a lovely baby and are building a family alongside your career. You have years n years ahead of you at work.
Yes it sucks that you didn't come back to find they had really missed you and wanted to promote you - especially as you were heading that way before having your baby, but IME these things often work out for the best. You have a new boss who by your own admission has more experience than you and from whom you can learn.
Don't let bitterness and 'What ifs . . . ' drag you down. Learn everything you can from your new boss. Enjoy having slightly less pressure on you and more energy for home. Plan ahead to where you would like your career to be in 5 years and work steadily towards it.

Best of luck.

Original poster
Dimgwaith · 26/05/2024 12:29

Yes she will be a good person to learn from but the downgrade has just affected me much more than I expected.

I'm normally fairly blasé about work but I just can't stop getting upset that they removed me from the senior Teams channel and meetings while I was off. I've come back to a different firm and I don't feel part of it in the same way

OP posts:
urbanbuddha · 26/05/2024 12:24

It’s obviously disappointing, but you say she brought new ideas and experience so don’t just adapt learn from her. She didn’t get the job because you’re bad, she got it because she’s good.